Friday, April 22, 2011

Hairball - A True Story

Something different for a Friday funny.  A true story...

My buddy Donna and I have always been each other’s pet sitters. I have dogs, she has cats. Usually, I get the better of the deal—cats are pretty easy. But last summer Donna informed me she was planning on boarding her cats.


“Well, you know Hazel is diabetic now,” Donna reminded me. “She has to have insulin shots twice a day. I can’t let you do that.”

Hmmm. Part of me wholeheartedly agreed. I wasn’t interested in wrestling with an angry cat twice a day for two weeks, fighting to stick her with a needle. But still, our own vacation was coming up the following month. I’d feel pretty scummy asking Donna to watch my dogs—who were a lot more trouble—if I hadn’t done the same for her cats.

“How hard is it? Does she fight getting the shots?” Stupid question. I fight getting shots.

“No. Not really. If I put out her food first, I can usually slip her the shot while she’s eating and she doesn’t seem to notice.”

Ah. A sneak attack. I’m pretty good at those.

So we agreed to give it a couple dry runs and, if they went well, the cats would stay home and I’d just add giving insulin shots to the twice a day feeding routine.

Actually, it was a piece of cake. For the first four days, I got the pre-loaded syringe out of the fridge, set out the little plate of canned cat food, and while Hazel was busy chowing down, I pulled up the scruff of her neck, eased in the needle, and pushed the plunger home. As promised, she never even noticed.

It was the morning of day five, usual routine. Food was down. Cats were eating. I had a bit of Hazel’s scruff between my finger and thumb, pushing the plunger home, when I realized something. The needle had passed through Hazel and was embedded in my thumb, where I was happily injecting myself with feline insulin. I pulled the needle out of both Hazel and myself and stood there.

Now what?

What do I do about Hazel? Did she get any of that insulin before the needle moved on from her to me? If I give her a second dose will it be too much? If I don’t, will she go into some kind of diabetic shock? Am I going to suddenly start meowing? And why does Donna always vacation up at that stupid lake where there are no phones and no cell coverage?

I made a couple emergency phone calls and—after some totally unnecessary laughter—was advised to skip the rest of Hazel’s morning shot and give her the usual dose in the evening. I also received two comments about my drinking so early in the morning and the information that I can’t get high off feline insulin so I’d have to try some other way.

So, all in all, no harm done. Hazel survived and I was able to dump my dog-watching duties on Donna the following month with a clear conscience.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I feel a hairball coming on.

Have a wonderful Easter.

I'm currently enjoying: Just finished Black Water Rising by Attica Locke

Groaner of the day: (After that story of mine, I'll make this a short one.)  I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.


Mason Canyon said...

Okay, I'm at a loss of words from laughing so much. I hate to admit it, but that sounds like something I'd do. Cute groaner too. Have a great weekend and a Happy Easter.

Thoughts in Progress

Dru said...

LOL at the groaner

GigglesandGuns said...

Loved the story -- the groaner, not so much.

kissablesweet1 said...

I swear we were sisters in another life!!! I'd have reacted the same way!! Oh you poor thing all that laughter while you are trying to determine if something serious is wrong. HUGS!

Liz Fichera said...

I can barely handle getting a shot. Cannot imagine giving one to someone else, much less a cat! You are brave. :-)

Happy Easter to you, too!

P.S. I liked the groaner. :-)

Maria Zannini said...

Only you would miss and shoot yourself. ROTFL!

I'm glad you're all right. You're not getting any urges to lick yourself, are you?

Well...your husband might not mind.

Great story.

Linda Leszczuk said...

Mary - well, one out of two isn't bad.

Linda Leszczuk said...

Ah Dru, I can always count on you to appreciate my groaners.

Linda Leszczuk said...

Mason - Are you saying you're as big a klutz as me? We should form a support group. A very Happy Easter to you, too.

Linda Leszczuk said...

Liz - I'm not sure about brave but definitely not too bright. *grin*

Linda Leszczuk said...

Thanks, Melanie. I'd like to say nothing like that has ever happened to me before. Unfortunately....

Linda Leszczuk said...

Maria - oh honey, the days when I was limber enough for something like that (had I ever had the urge) are long gone.

Cathy in AK said...

I'm sure that one made the rounds at the office you called for help. Glad you and Hazel are okay.

MaryC said...

Linda, I'm sitting here with my jaw hanging. You sound so calm. I'd have been freaking out for sure.
We adopted a cat three years ago (long story) but he was very sick and needed meds. Said cat - who has lived to be 3 today - was not cooperative and tried to bite down on the syringe. He bit down on my finger instead. I didn't freak out until the doctor started questioning me about rabies. Ten days and a tetanus shot later (after the cat's fever soared over 100) I was finally able to relax.

Karin said...

I would have been worried about hypoglycemia (In YOU not the cat!) But what do I know--I'm not a vet. Donna does owe you for sure. Laugh was as good as for the groaner!


Linda Leszczuk said...

Cathy - I think I'm a legend. Oh well, always nice to give someone a good laugh.

I think.

Linda Leszczuk said...

Mary - I'll take my self inflected insulin shot over your cat bite any day. Ow!

Linda Leszczuk said...

Karin - knowing Donna, you can imagine how much she ragged on me for this one. I got even though - one of my dogs caught a stomach bug while she was dogsitting. *grin*