Got a little blatant self-promo going on this morning, but it's also for the fabulous authors I was lucky enough to share these pages with. Stop by our Twitter chat party tonight. It'll be fun AND there's a givaway!
You really should check out this book. The eclipse is over but the great stories linger on.
And since it's Wednesday and I had a request...
Here's a Hump Day joke...
A young ventriloquist is doing his comedy act at a bar in a small town. He’s going through his usual run of “dumb blonde” jokes, when a blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting.
“I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes, jerk. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, all in the name of humor.”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde says:
“You stay out of this, Mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
... a political funny...
...and an "aw".
Hope you enjoyed these and that you'll stop by the chat party this evening.
Have a great week.
Question for Today:
twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
I'm not sure how many of my blog buddies will come by to see this post, considering my repeated disappearing acts this year, but I wanted to post an explanation, of sorts, for my latest absence.
You may remember at the time of my last post on May 31, I was up to my ears in big family events My two eldest grandkids had just graduated from high school. My granddaughter Gretchen was on her way to the high school lacrosse State Championships. And my grandson Drake was leaving for Marine Corps boot camp.
On June 3, the Indian Hill High Girls Lacrosse team did, in fact, win the State Championship.
I watched the game on TV because I was doing the final setting up for Drake's combination graduation and 'leaving for boot camp' party, which we were hosting at our house. It was a fun, busy, crazy week.
Then on Sunday, we drove Drake to the recruiter station and he got on the bus.
I went home, finished the after party clean up, gave away the leftover food, and turned my attention to the coming week.
Finally, I had all the time in the world to write, to blog, to work on those overdue critiques, to start re-designing my woefully out of date web page.
I didn't want to.
It wasn't that I was dealing with writer's block or some creative dry spell. I just had no interest. I would tell myself to go be productive and the answer came back, "Why?"
And that's where I've been the past couple months. All of my June goals for the month because my July goals, became my August goals. I had two shorts stories released in really nice anthologies in July and had to force myself to put a post on Facebook about them. (I did just add them to my right side bar, if you're interested.) I even skipped the last three monthly meetings of my local writers' group. The only writing I've done since May is my letters to Drake...no cell phones at Marine boot camp, snail mail only.
What does it mean? Am I done? Is my sub-conscious telling me my writing days are over? Or am I just in a funk? I honestly don't know.
I want to say I'll be back next week, with Hump Day funnies or maybe something new, but I'm not sure. I hope so. I think.
You always got an "aw" picture with your funnies. This probably isn't an "aw" for anyone but me but it's all I have at the moment. I grabbed it in a screen shot from a video on the Parris Island Marine Corps website. The camera only landed on him for a couple seconds but that's all I needed.
I hope this wasn't too boring or too "woe is me". I just wanted to share what's going on and why I haven't been around. I'm going to try visit everyone over the next few days. In the meantime, have a great week.
I'm afraid this is another non-humpday post. I just wanted to thank everyone for your prayers and good wishes for my daughter-in-law Kim. After three weeks of her not being able to keep anything down, Kim's doctors' finally found the cause of her illness and were able to start her on an effective medication. Within 24 hours she was able to drink water, the next day she was on full liquids, and by the third day she was tolerating soft foods and able to go home.
I know it was the prayers of so many people asking God to guide Kim's doctors' to the right diagnosis that made all the difference. Thank you so much.
But I'm taking one more week off my regular blog schedule to focus on family. We've got so much important stuff going on.
Last Friday, my granddaughter Gretchen graduated from high school
and grandson Drake graduated on Saturday.
(I was so grateful their graduations didn't fall on the same day.)
This coming weekend has another couple of biggies.
On Saturday, Gretchen's lacrosse team is playing for the
And Sunday is the day I've been dreading for almost a year.
Drake leaves for the Marine Corps Boot Camp
at Parris Island
I'm very proud and a little terrified
but mostly it's going to be so hard to see him go.
So if I've managed to stop bawling by next Wednesday,
I'll be back with your hump day funnies.
And I'll get back to visiting everyone's blogs again.
Oh, in case you're wondering why no tears for Gretchen leaving...
My apologies to my blog friends, but I have no funnies for you. I didn't get a post prepared in advance and I can't do one today. Instead, I'd like to ask for a favor. For my friends of faith, would you offer prayers for my daughter-in-law Kim? She's in the hospital and hasn't been able to keep any kind of food, even clear liquids, down for the past ten days. Her doctors have ruled out a bunch of possible causes but still don't have a diagnosis, so they're not sure how to treat this. I think we need to bring in the big guns - more prayers.
I should mention that Kim is the mom of my grandson Drake who is graduating next week and leaving for Marine boot camp the week after. It's never a good time to be hospitalized but the timing on this one really stinks. To put a face to the name, here's Kim with her husband Matt and Drake before prom.
Again, I'm sorry not to have any hump day funnies for you today. I wish everyone a great week and a wonderful weekend.
As a followup to last week's post, I'm sorry to tell you that I did not find my engagement ring and I'm resigning myself to the idea that it's gone for good. On a more upbeat note, I have managed to hang onto the guy who gave me that ring and we're celebrating our 48th anniversary today.
Happy Anniversary, honey.
I'm also delight to reveal this cover for DAY OF THE DARK.
Twenty-four stories by some wonderful authors,
coming July 21 from Wildside Press.
(Yes, including one of mine.)
Now on to your hump day funnies.
Let's start with a joke.
It was New Year's Eve and
my husband and I were doing the town. We turned on a night light, covered the
parakeet's cage, and put the cat in the backyard. To avoid any DUI problems, we
called a taxi, but when the taxi arrived and we opened the door, the cat scooted
This is a problem
because if we leave the cat in the house, she goes after the bird. I went out
to the cab while my husband went inside to get the cat. I'm always nervous
about letting people know our house is going to be empty so I told the cabbie,
"My husband will be right out. He's just gone upstairs to say goodnight to
A few minutes later, my
husband climbed into the cab. ”Sorry I took so long,” he said, as we drove
away. “She was hiding under our bed again. I had to poke her with a coat hanger
to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the scruff
of the neck but I still had to wrap a blanket around her to keep her from
scratching me. I tell you, she can be a real hell-cat sometimes. But I managed
to haul her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!”
The cab driver hit a
I know. That was awful.
But it made me laugh. What can I say?
Saw an interesting ad the other day...
Here's a quickie.
A little boy asked his grandmother, "Nana, how old are you?"
"Thirty-nine and holding," she replied.
He thought for a minute then asked, How old would you be if you let go?"
How about a couple thoughts to ponder this week?
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Okay, time for your "aw".
I've seen this one a couple places so you may have seen it before
but my heart always breaks for this poor guy.
look at those eyes.
I sure hope they didn't make him
wait too long for that hot dog.
That's all for today. Did we get you there? Over the hump and on the fast slope to the weekend? I hope so. Did you have a favorite?
To all the moms here in the U.S., have a very Happy Mother's Day. And to all moms, step-moms, grandmoms, great-grandmoms, and everyone who has ever been in the role of mom, even for a little while, have a wonderful Mother's Day weekend. You've earned it.
Thought for the Day:
Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, "No way. That can't be right."
Actually, it's not a happy day for me. I discovered yesterday that the engagement ring I've been wearing for the past 49 years (alongside my wedding band for 48) has disappeared. I've spent the last twenty-four hours unsuccessfully searching for it, hence this late and rather limited post. But I didn't want to neglect you so I'm offering these...Funnies from the London Tube.
These came to me with the claim that all were actually said by London train drivers to their passengers. If they are, they're fabulous. If not, they're still worth a chuckle. Try to hear the appropriate voice (accent) as you read them.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the
delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course,
you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over
to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."
"Please note that the beeping noise coming from
the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw
yourself or your bags into the doors."
"Your delay this evening is caused by the line
controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his
backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given
"Do you want the good news first or the bad news?
The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a
great time. The badnews is that there
is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we
probably won't reach our destination."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the
delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore
stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass
some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a
"We are now traveling through Baker Street... As
you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had
actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about
things like that".
"We can't move off because some idiot has their
hand stuck in the door."
"Beggars are operating on this train. Please do
NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change,
please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."
During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line,
the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the
sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are not provided."
"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!"
(Pause .) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care
- I'm going home...."
"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat
trying to get on the second carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors'
don't you understand?"
"May I remind all passengers that there is
strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are
smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the
By the way, I'm claiming the right to share jokes about our British friends the same way I do for little old lady jokes. My Dad immigrated to the States with his parents from England and I still have family across the pond.
Jumping straight to your "aw".
This one needs no words
You know you said it.
That's it for today. Was it enough? Are you over the mid-week hump? I hope so. Wouldn't want to leave you stuck there.
I have to go back to my search now. Wish me luck.See you next week.
Thought for Today:
It's not the value of an item but the memories tied to it that matter.