Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Last Hump Day Post of 2013

Happy Hump Day

What was I thinking? I should have known I'd forget to do this post the week before Christmas. I'm always ridiculously behind this time of year.  But I won't leaving you to struggle over the mid-week hump without a few laughs to give you a boost, so here's goes...

This isn't the least bit Christmassy but it cracked me up. 


Look at those faces. Ever felt like that? Come on now, fess up.


While Christmas shopping I ran across some great t-shirts. Here are a few of my favorites.

For the English majors/writers among us:


and
 


Prefer Math class to English?


I like this one.
 

Oh, you're not worried about dragons. How about cats?
 

Here's one we can all agree on.
 


How about a visit to our friends the church ladies and their wonderful bloopers.

 
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
 
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
 
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
 

I guess you need a pretty envelope. 

This next picture is just so I add in something for Christmas.
 
 

Now for your "aw".

This one worked for me even without the words.


Did it work for you?

Okay, that's it. Hope we're all over the hump and heading for the weekend.

This will be my last post until after the holidays so I leave you with my warmest wishes for a

Very Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
and a
Healthy and Prosperous New Year.


Quote for the Day: 

Let there be Peace on Earth and let it begin with me.

(Okay, it's a song lyric, but it works. See you next year.)

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

It's a (Mostly) Dog Day

Happy Hump Day

I know we're a week closer to Christmas so I should stay with my Christmas theme of last week but a friend just sent me some great - but not Christmassy - pictures so I'm sharing them instead.

For my friends who are runners.


Puts things in perspective, doesn't it?


Can you relate to this one?

Yeah, so can I.


I may be pushing it a little with this one but it made me laugh.

An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.  One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.  Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.

"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said  Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."

Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a bit odd, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr.Goldstein, please accept my condolences.

The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."

"But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my Private Part died."

"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?"

"Well...today's the viewing."


So bad. 
(hee hee hee)


I couldn't decide if this was a funny or an "aw" but I've got another "aw" for you so I'm putting this here.

Be honest - did it make you laugh or "aw"?

It's been a while since we heard from our friends, the church ladies.
How about a couple Church Bulletin Bloopers?

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."  The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for  more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.


Gotta love those church ladies.


And here's that "aw" I promised you.

You know you said it.

That all for today. Did we do it? Are you over the hump and on the easy slope to the weekend? 
I sure hope so.  Did you have a favorite?

I'm going to be off line today. A good friend and I are doing our annual Christmas shop-till-you-drop. 
But I'll be around to see everyone tomorrow.
Have a good one.

Quote of the Day:

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
 -- Rodney Dangerfield

Friday, December 6, 2013

My Dream Destination

Hi. As I mentioned on Wednesday, I'm doing an extra post this week to take part in this fun blog hop - Dream Destination, hosted by Julie Flanders and Lexa Cain.



Both Julie and Lexa are celebrating release days this week so be sure to stop by and wish them well.

I'm cheating a little on my dream destination. I want to travel not only through space but also through time. Not far, just a month or so back. 

My dream destination is Fenway Park, Boston. Home of my beloved Boston Red Sox. 


 Sure, I've been to Fenway before. I make the pilgrimage from Ohio every few years. But that's where the time travel comes in. 

I want to be there on October 30 for game six of the 2013 World Series.
I want to see the Sox win the Championship at home for the first time in 95 years.

I want to be there for this.




And this.




See that cheering crowd. That's where I want to be.



Okay, can't happen. I know. But this blog hop is all about dreams, right? 
Believe me, I've been there in my dreams.

Now stop by here or here for a complete list of those particiapating in the blog hop and check out some other bloggers' dream destinations.

Do you like mine?


Quote of the Day:

“Fenway is the essence of baseball”  ― Tom Seaver

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Looking Ahead to Christmas on Hump Day.


Happy Hump Day

I don't know about you, but this time of year I'm not trying to get over the midweek hump to get to the weekend faster - I'm trying to stretch the week out as long as possible to get all my Christmas preparations done.

Every year I have great plans to get a jump on things. Shopping in done in October.  Christmas letter and cards started in November. All the decorations up on Thanksgiving weekend.

It's not really my fault. I've been badgering the kids (both generations) to give me their wish lists for weeks. And if I write the Christmas letter too early, something wonderful might happen after I'm done that won't get included.  And, of course, there's that painstaking process of making sure both sons' families get equal space (in pictures and in text) so neither can pull the "you like him best" routine.  Yes, I know they only do it to make me crazy, but it always works.

So since I'm in a Christmas frame of mind, I'm going with a Christmas theme today. Some of these have been making the rounds for years but even so, they still make me laugh. Hopefully, they'll work for you, too.


The Politically Correct Twelve Days

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me...
 
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note)
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration. 
[NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.] 
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE deconstructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
and
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
 
Merry Christmas. Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Oh, heck!  Happy Holidays!!!! *
 
*Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.

The "enslaved Bovine-Americans" cracked me up.


I think most everyone has seen some version of this video but I still love it. Take a couple minutes and enjoy:
The Silent Monks performing the Hallelujah Chorus.



Running a little long already so how about we just add in a little mischief.  Grab this and go get someone.






Oh, don't worry - I didn't forget your "aw".  In fact, I couldn't decide on one picture today so you get two.

This one just felt Christmassy to me. Must be the lamb.



This one reminded me of all the dogs who have been part of our family, and who made and kept this promise so well. 




By the way, I'll be posting twice this week. I'm joining in Lexa Cain's and Julie Flander's Destination Blog Hop.


My plan is to post on Friday. Please stop by.


Okay, that's it. Hope we got you over the hump - if you were trying to get there - or at least gave you a short break from the holiday stress.  Did you have a favorite?


Quote for Today:

Christmas Shopping: Wouldn't it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn't have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in "Gift certificate for a flu shot."  ~ Erma Bombeck

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Hump Day and Thanksgiving Wishes

Happy Hump Day

Before I get into our hump day funnies, I just have to show you what I found at my local library last week. I was totally surprised.


If you can't read the small print at the bottom, it mentions the title of my story.  How cool is that?


Now, since I like my hump day post to give you a lift, here are some pictures of friends giving friends a lift.








I'm not really sure on that last one if the dog is giving the cat a boost or trying to pull her down. But we'll give him the benefit of the doubt.


Here's your joke of the week. This one may be just a touch risque but I don't think it will bring a blush to anyone's cheek.


A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
             
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. Then he stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.  However, as left the store, the farmer was struggling to carry all his purchases.
             
He sat down to ponder his problem when a little old lady came by and told him she was lost.

'Can you tell me how to get to 106 Rose Cottage Lane?'
             
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

 The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.  Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the lady home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know when we get in the alley you won't hold me against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
             
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.



I love little old lady jokes.  

Of course it wouldn't be Thanksgiving if I didn't include my all time favorite turkey day cartoons.



 Cracks me up.


Okay, this post is running a bit long so let's cut straight to your weekly "aw".


Somebody's waiting for a little push.


Don't you want to help? 
(Come on, you know you said it.)


Before I wrap up, I have to thank my friend and blog buddy, Father Dragon, for this very special award. I'll try to be worthy of it.

 

 Happy Thanksgiving for all my friends here in the U.S.and
Happy Hump Day to everyone. 


Thought for Today:

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. - Albert Schweitzer 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Hump Day Funnies - What's the Weather?

Happy Hump Day

Here are your hump day funnies to help you over the mid-week hump and on to the weekend.

But don't party too hard this weekend. You don't want to end up with this problem.


Aw, come. You know you've been there.

Um, not that I ever...I mean, maybe... 

Moving right along - here's a tip for the coming winter.

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in Mattawa asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.  To be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

Then, being a practical leader, he went to the phone booth, called the Weather Network and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'Yes, it looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A couple weeks later, he called the Weather Network again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the Weather Network again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'Because the Indians are collecting a sh*tload of firewood.'


Explains a lot about our weather forecasts, doesn't it? 


Speaking of weather...wind can be a problem, too.


video

I hate to admit that I found that funny but it looks like they were all okay.


Here's a headline I found interesting.



I wonder why?


Remember the Honey Badger craze last year? How about this one?



Sorry, I probably found that funny because that squirrel lives in our yard and makes my Sophie crazy.

Okay, let's get to everyone's favorite - the "aw".

I had a couple to choose from this week but I just loved the faces in this one.


Did it work for you, too?

Okay, that's it. Hope you found a funny in here that lifted you over the hump and you can coast through the end of the week. Did you have a favorite?  

Have a great weekend and I'll see you next Wednesday.

Definitions for Today:

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

Monday, November 18, 2013

But I'll Be Here On Hump Day, Promise

Since I've been back from my health-problem-hiatus, I've run across several posts by blog friends on the topic of blogging vs. time, the question of how to blog, read and comment on friends' blogs, and have enough time for everything else. I've been feeling that pinch myself. While I was laid up over the summer, I got so far behind on so many things, I feel like I'm running in deep mud, trying to catch up. With the holidays at hand, that's only going to get worse.

So from now through the end of the year, I'm cutting back my posting and visiting to once a week. I've decided to keep my post on Wednesdays, my usual hump day post because you seem to enjoy those and I like sharing the mid-week funnies.  I'll spread out my visiting so I get to see everyone at least once a week.

I may toss in an extra post here and there if there's something special going on, or a blog hop I've signed up for, but for the most part, I'll be here on Wednesdays. I really hope you'll continue to stop by.

Thanks.


Motivational Thought for Today:

No matter what your job is,  
 
You should always try to make it as interesting as possible ...



Wednesday, November 13, 2013

A Little Theology, a Little History, a Few Laughs - Yup It's Hump Day


Happy Hump Day

I'm a little late today so let's jump right in.

First, a theology lesson.


Yeah, he'd know that one.


Here's one for our favorite seniors.


My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing
through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.

He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.

"You appear quite elderly to be driving," he said, concerned

"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore."
 
"You don't need a driver's license anymore?!?"

"That's right! The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license.  I told him I did and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore'.

So I thanked him and left!"
 
I think she was driving in front of me yesterday.
 
 
 
Do you know what a "Knocker Upper" is?

 
Well, before alarm clocks, there were "knocker uppers."
Mary Smith earned a sixpence a piece for shooting dried peas at sleeping workers windows in London.
 
And we all know what you were thinking. 
(Shame on you.)
 
 
This is a good one for writers.
 
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get six.

A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

 
Okay, ready for your "aw"? 
 
This one's a little different but I think we need to remember that adorable isn't limited to dogs and cats.

Aren't these guys worth a good "aw"?

That's it.  Did we get there? Did you find something in today's post to get you over the mid-week hump and on the downhill slide to the weekend?

Great. My work here is done.

Thought for today:

Sometimes I just sit around and think how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Monday, November 11, 2013

But I Thought Everyone Knew That Word

My son was doing a little beta reading for me recently and got caught up on this line: 

One of the women sitting in a pew near the front moved into the aisle, genuflecting stiffly before walking toward them.

He didn't recognize the word "genuflecting" and said it pulled him out of the story. His comment surprised me. I thought that was a common word that most people would recognize. (I should mention that we are not Catholic.)

A few years ago I had a story with the line:

They were the Mutt and Jeff of homicide. 

A friend pointed out that the phrase "Mutt and Jeff", which meant one very tall and the other short (based on a once popular comic strip) was out of date and would be lost on most readers. 

This got me thinking about how easy it is for writers to use words or phrases they believe are commonplace but, in fact, would not be familiar to many of their readers. Some possibilities include professional jargon, slang, regional dialects, and "dated" references. Of course, context will provide meaning in some cases, but not all. Do unfamiliar words or phrases serve to expand our readers' vocabulary or create a hindrance to their enjoyment of the story? And where do we draw the line?

What are your thoughts as a reader or as a writer? 

Just wondering... Are you familiar with the word "genuflect"? Would you have recognized "Mutt and Jeff"?




I have to take a moment and wish a Happy Veteran's Day to all the men and women who so selflessly served (or are serving) our country, including including my husband, my dad, and my brother.  I'm very proud of you all. 


Also, I need to go back and do something I'd meant to do last Monday...  Blogging buddy Emilyann Girdner over at Anything Imagined gave me this lovely award.  Thank you, Emilyann.

The Sunshine Award

The award comes with ten questions, so here goes...
Fave number: 3
Fave non-alcoholic drink: Powerade Zero
Fave alcoholic drink: Mocha Kalua.. yum
Facebook or Twitter: Facebook, but only because
Pinterest was not an option ;p
Passions: Relationships (with God, my hubby, family, friends and my cat), creativity (be it writing or visual art), watching good TV Shows and reading books.
Prefer giving or getting presents? I prefer giving, however, that’s typically limited by finances.
Fave city? Orlando
Fave TV Shows: Oh boy, this list is very long. Here goes: The Vampire Diaries (that’s right, I said it), Once Upon a Time, The Walking Dead, Grimm, Modern Family, South Park, and so far The Michael J. Fox show and Reign are pretty good. (Shows not airing still: Friends, Lost, Monk and Merlin (BBC).
- See more at: http://anythingimagined.blogspot.com/#sthash.osDU7fnc.dpuf
Fave color:  Believe it or not, I don't have one. It changes with the seasons and with my mood.
Fave animal:  I'd better pick my dog Sophie.  She gets her feelings hurt very easily.
Fave number:  Four, after my four grandkids. 
Fave non-alcoholic drink:  Hot tea
Fave alcoholic drink:  I have a couple. I'll go with a frozen strawberry margarita.
Facebook or Twitter?  Has to be Facebook. I don't tweet. 
Passions:  My family.
Prefer giving or getting presents:  Definitely giving. I have everything I could want.
Fave city:  It's a tie. Boston because of my beloved Red Sox and New York for the theater.
Fave TV shows:  Castle, both NCIS's, Person of Interest, Elementary, and Blue Bloods. (And I miss Burn Notice.)

But I'm going to violate the award rules and decline to nominate ten new recipients because so many of my blog friends have said they'd rather not be nominated for awards. Instead I'll just say that having you come by and leave a comment brings me enough sunshine so please accept this award with my thanks.

Joke for Today:

Teacher:  If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, sir.

Teacher: No, listen carefully . . . If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, sir.

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently . If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good.  Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?

Johnny: Seven, sir.

Teacher: Why would you have six apple but seven cats?

Johnny: Because I've already got a cat.

Fave color: yellow (because it reminds me of sunshine)
Fave animal: my cat, Benny J


Fave number: 3
Fave non-alcoholic drink: Powerade Zero
Fave alcoholic drink: Mocha Kalua.. yum
Facebook or Twitter: Facebook, but only because
Pinterest was not an option ;p
Passions: Relationships (with God, my hubby, family, friends and my cat), creativity (be it writing or visual art), watching good TV Shows and reading books.
Prefer giving or getting presents? I prefer giving, however, that’s typically limited by finances.
Fave city? Orlando
Fave TV Shows: Oh boy, this list is very long. Here goes: The Vampire Diaries (that’s right, I said it), Once Upon a Time, The Walking Dead, Grimm, Modern Family, South Park, and so far The Michael J. Fox show and Reign are pretty good. (Shows not airing still: Friends, Lost, Monk and Merlin (BBC).
- See more at: http://anythingimagined.blogspot.com/#sthash.osDU7fnc.dpuf
Fave color: yellow (because it reminds me of sunshine)
Fave animal: my cat, Benny J


Fave number: 3
Fave non-alcoholic drink: Powerade Zero
Fave alcoholic drink: Mocha Kalua.. yum
Facebook or Twitter: Facebook, but only because
Pinterest was not an option ;p
Passions: Relationships (with God, my hubby, family, friends and my cat), creativity (be it writing or visual art), watching good TV Shows and reading books.
Prefer giving or getting presents? I prefer giving, however, that’s typically limited by finances.
Fave city? Orlando
Fave TV Shows: Oh boy, this list is very long. Here goes: The Vampire Diaries (that’s right, I said it), Once Upon a Time, The Walking Dead, Grimm, Modern Family, South Park, and so far The Michael J. Fox show and Reign are pretty good. (Shows not airing still: Friends, Lost, Monk and Merlin (BBC).
- See more at: http://anythingimagined.blogspot.com/#sthash.osDU7fnc.dpuf
Fave color: yellow (because it reminds me of sunshine)
Fave animal: my cat, Benny J


Fave number: 3
Fave non-alcoholic drink: Powerade Zero
Fave alcoholic drink: Mocha Kalua.. yum
Facebook or Twitter: Facebook, but only because
Pinterest was not an option ;p
Passions: Relationships (with God, my hubby, family, friends and my cat), creativity (be it writing or visual art), watching good TV Shows and reading books.
Prefer giving or getting presents? I prefer giving, however, that’s typically limited by finances.
Fave city? Orlando
Fave TV Shows: Oh boy, this list is very long. Here goes: The Vampire Diaries (that’s right, I said it), Once Upon a Time, The Walking Dead, Grimm, Modern Family, South Park, and so far The Michael J. Fox show and Reign are pretty good. (Shows not airing still: Friends, Lost, Monk and Merlin (BBC).
- See more at: http://anythingimagined.blogspot.com/#sthash.osDU7fnc.dpuf

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Happy Hump Day (What Happened to Monday?)

Happy Hump Day

Sorry about missing everyone on Monday.  I got tied up with family, life, and stuff like that. 

But here we are, back for another Hump Day post to get you over the mid-week hump and on your way to the weekend.

First, I just have to mention...

Hooray for the 2013 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox!!!

 Yeah - there was a lot of celebrating in my family.


Let's start out with another bit of wisdom...from the mouths of babes.


You know he's right.


Here's a little story to help us get ready for winter. 


On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife  were listening to the radio during breakfast.  The announcer said, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snow plows can get through."  So the good wife went out and moved her car.
 

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through."  The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...."

Then the electricity went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do.  Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"

With a long-suffering sigh and a gentle smile, the husband replied, "Honey, why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time."
 
  I didn't see it coming. Did you?


I just like this one.


I have the same feeling sometimes.


Hey, want to make people crazy - just for fun? Here are a couple ideas.

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.  See if they slow down. 

When you go out to eat, order a diet water. With a straight face, of course.

When leaving the zoo, run towards the parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives!  They're Loose!" 
Hee hee hee.

  Don't worry, I didn't forget your weekly "aw".



I thought this one was perfect, even without the words.

 
Did we make it? Are you over the hump and coasting to the weekend?

Wonderful. That's what I'm here for.

Have a great weekend and I'll see you here on Monday. Hopefully.

Smart arse answer for Today:

A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at a grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. 

She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Chickens get any bigger?"

The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."