Hump Day Funnies

Happy Hump Day

Here we go! It's Wednesday and I have some funnies to help you over the midweek hump.

Today's pictures have a nice murder mystery feel. 

I wonder what he did land on.

I always like a nice confession.

Uh oh. There's going to be trouble here.

And here's a little mini-mystery for you...

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients in a certain bed always died on Sunday morning, around11:00 A.M., regardless of their medical condition.  This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural.

No one could solve the mystery as to why these deaths occurred around 11:00 A.M. Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday
morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.  

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. 

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Fernando Rodriguez , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system...so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

I didn't  forget your "aw".  In fact, I'm going wild today - I'm giving you two.

Here's the first...

In case you can read it, it says, "Even baby elephants need a hug now and then."  Makes perfect sense to me.

And if that one doesn't push your "aw" button, I dare you to resist this one...

 You know you said it.

I hope that did the trick and we're got you over the mid week hump and on the gentle slope toward the weekend.  If you liked any or all, please leave me a comment. 

Since I've dropped my Friday post, let me wish you a very happy weekend - when it gets here.

And as promised, here's a couple more riddles.

Riddles for Today: 

Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May.  What was the third child's name?

What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.  How is this possible?

Monday Morning Mish-mash

First, thanks to everyone who tried Friday's riddles. Here are the official answers.

1 - There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

He weighs meat. He's a butcher.

2 - Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Mt. Everest.  I didn't ask for the tallest "discovered" mountain. 

 3 - How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

None. A hole is an empty space.

Did everyone have a good weekend? I did. I got to celebrate Father's Day with my dad. He lives out of state so it's always a treat for me when we get together.

Can you see the family resemblance? Hint: it's in the caps.

One of the many things  I enjoy about this time of year is the return of those summer cable TV shows. I remember when summer meant nothing but re-runs. Now it's a whole second season. My favorite summer shows are Burn Notice (sadly in its final season), Rizzoli and Isles,  Major Crimes, Covert Affairs, and Suits.  How about you? Do you have any summer TV favorites.

News flash: I just found out a non-fiction piece I wrote has been selected for publication in an upcoming Chicken Soup for the Soul.  Can I get a woo woo?

I've got to post and run. It's going to be one of those days. I'll be around to visit everyone this evening or tomorrow morning.

Thoughts for Today:

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

Did you ever notice when you put "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs"?

Flights of Fiction now available for Kindle and Nook

I've got some good news today. 

 

Flights of Fiction

 is now available for the Kindle and the Nook.

 The links for all versions - including signed copies - are on the right sidebar.

Now for some less exciting news.

Like many writers, I started blogging to support my writing - networking with other writers and hopefully building a small fan base. Unfortunately, I seem to be spending more time lately on blogging, including visiting and commenting on the blogs I follow, then I am writing.  I'm sure this is due to some serious inefficiency on my part but until I get a better handle on my time management, I need to make a change. 

This will be my last regular Friday blog. Starting next week, I'll be posting and visiting on Monday and Wednesday only.  I hope you'll continue to visit me on those days.

Looking ahead to this weekend,

I want to send a

Happy Father's Day 

to my favorite dads.

From right to left:

my dad, my husband (my sons' dad), and my sons (my grandkids' dads).

I love you all.

I'll get to wish my dad a Happy Father's Day in person - he's coming for the weekend. How about you? Any Father's Day celebrations? Any other fun plans for the weekend?

Riddles for Today:

1 - There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?
2 - Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
3 - How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

(answers on Monday)

Assorted Hump Day Funnies Just for You

Happy Hump Day

How did you ever get over the mid-week hump the last couple weeks without me?

Well, wait no more - I've got an assortment of funnies for you this morning.

First, a photo to make you go, "Huh?"  Check out the product label.

 Think someone should tell them?

Here's a joke in honor of my husband...who could definitely be this guy.

A man and his wife walk into a dentist's office.    

The man says to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry.  I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic. I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it!”

 “But, sir…” the dentist began.
          
“No buts. We have a 10:00AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for anesthetic!”'

The dentist is a little taken aback at pulling the tooth without using anything to kill the pain but he yields to the man’s wishes.  "All right, sir.  Which tooth is it?"
 

The man turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth, honey, and show him."  

 Well, maybe not. But I make a point of driving myself to the dentist.

 How about another head-scratcher?

 

 Um, which way should I go?

This next joke's in honor of my old home town of Boston. (Go Red Sox!)

  

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", but  none could say "Truck."

 My friends from the south may not get that one.

 This picture could almost qualify as a Groaner.

And, of course, I didn't forget your "aw".

 Does this little guy make you say it? 

He definitely got me.

Okay, did those do it for you? Over the hump and on the easy slope to the weekend?

Perfect.

Did you have a favorite?

Definition of the Day:

TYPE-BLINDNESS: The inability to recognize a typo in your e-mail until you’ve pushed the "Send" button.

Look Where I've Been

Hi. As usual, I'm later getting back to my blog than I promised. It always takes me awhile to get back into the swing of things. Hope everyone had a great couple of weeks while I was gone.

That vacation I told you I was going on was an Alaskan Cruise. We had a wonderful time and since I happen to have a blog, I'm going to share a couple classic vacation pictures. (Aw, come on. I'll look at yours.)

First, just a couple shots taken from the ship. I wish these pictures did the scenery justice. It was breathtaking.

 The next one was taken from inside the helicopter that took us to the top of the Mendenhall glacier. We had to go over those mountains ahead of us. I'm not sure my stomach made it.

 

Here's the helicopter lifting off after depositing us on the glacier.

  

 

And here's a little piece of the glacier.

 

 The top of the glacier is broken by numerous cracks or fissures. The ice deep inside the fissure is bright blue. This is because the lower ice is so compressed by the glacier, it can only reflect one part of the light color spectrum.

 

 We also took a ride on the White Plains Railroad which was built during the Alaskan Gold Rush. I got this picture of the front of the train from our car as we went around a curve, but I tried not to look straight down.

 Here's the sea plane we took into the Misty Fjords. The couple with us was my big brother and my sis-in-law. This trip was extra special to me because it was the first time my brother and I vacationed together since we were kids. (A really long time ago.)

 We did see some wildlife but only this guy hung around long enough for me to get his picture. 

Okay, that's all. Thanks for letting me share.

I have one other picture but it's not of our vacation. Yesterday, I attended a lovely brunch at the home of author Duffy Brown, hosted by Tonya Kappes, Nancy Naigle and of course, Duffy.  Just wanted to say thanks again, ladies. It was delightful.

I have some other bits of news but nothing that can't wait till next time. I need to get moving so I can visit all of you and see what everyone's been up to.  It's nice to go away but always nice to come back.

Thought for the Day:

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. 

(yes, this thought was prompted by the non-stop eating we did on the cruise)

Thank You, Thank You, and See Ya.

I've got a mixed bag for my post this morning. 

First I want to thank all the new faces that stopped by as part of the BEST AND WORST MOVIE REMAKES BLOGFEST.  Especially those who joined me as Followers. I think I managed to return the favor to you all.

Thanks also to our blogfest hosts: Alex J. Cavanaugh, Al Diaz, Livia Peterson, and Stephen Tremp.  It was fun. 

Now I have to go back and pick up a thank you from last Monday.  Murees Dupé from Daily Drama of an Aspiring Writer gave me this lovely award. 

 

Thank you, Murees. 

 Of course this award comes with the usual set of rules, answer ten questions and pass the award on to ten other blogs. I hope Murees will forgive me but I'm only going to do half the award requirements. I'll explain a little farther down. 

First, the questions: 

1. Favorite color

This really changes with my mood, the season, etc. but I'll go with blue.

2. Favorite animal

I'm an equal opportunity animal lover (except for spiders) but I'd better say dogs since we have one in the family.  Wouldn't want her to get in a snit.

3. Favorite number

Hmm. Never thought of it. How about four - I have four grandkids.

4. Favorite non-alcoholic drink

Hot tea. But not Earl Grey - sorry Jean-Luc.

5. Favorite alcoholic drink

Pina Colada (I like that old song, too.  Do you know the one?)

6. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook. I don't have a Twitter account. (Yeah, I know. Someday.)

7. Passions

Probably should say writing but to be honest, it's my family.

8. Prefer getting or giving presents?

I enjoy both but I think giving is more fun.

9. Favorite City

Toughy.  I love New York for the theater but I've got to go with Boston - home of my beloved Red Sox. 

10. Favorite TV Shows

During the winter season, I watch Castle, both NCISes, Person of Interest, and Elementary.  During the summer cable season, I like Burn Notice, Covert Affairs, Rizzoli and Isles, and Suits. 

 

 

Now, here's where I'm going to fudge on the rules. Rather than choose ten blogs to give this award to, I going to give it to everyone who stops by and would like to take it with them.  I'm doing this because so many of my blog friends have said they'd rather not receive awards because it makes them feel obligated to accept and spend time fulfilling the "requirements".  

 

If you visit my blog and leave a comment, you've brought me a little sunshine and I'd be delighted for you to take this award along with you.  If you have the time to answer the questions and pass the blog along to other bloggers, that's great. If not, feel free to accept it as my gift to you, no strings attached. 

 

Now for the last part of my post title...See Ya. I'm going on a cruise (Yea! Whoopee! Vacation time!) so I'll be about as far offline as I can get for the next couple weeks. Try not to get into too much mischief while I'm gone. I'll try to post on June 3rd unless Sophie is so traumatized over being left that I have to give her my undivided attention for a couple days, then it will be June 5th.

 

See ya!

 

Or should that be Sea Ya! 

 

(Get it? Cruise...ocean...sea. Oh, I'm sorry.) 

Joke of the Day:

On our vacation we spent some time in Louisville, and my wife and I were arguing whether it is pronounced “Louie-ville”, “Lou-i-vulle” or “Louis-ville.” 

I figured we could find out for certain when we stopped for lunch. As we stood at the food counter, I asked the young man, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are, very slowly?" 

He looked just a little puzzled, but he leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrgerrrrrr Kiiiiing."

Best and Worst Movie Remakes

Welcome to the 

BEST AND WORST MOVIE REMAKES BLOGFEST 

This blogfest comes to us courtesy of the Ninja Captain, Alex J. Cavanaugh, with co-hosts Al Diaz, Livia Peterson, and Stephen Tremp. 

My first movie remake qualifies as a Best and a Worst.

The Best goes to the 1954 version of  A Star is Born staring Judy Garland. 

This was a remake of the 1937 version which starred Janet Gaynor.

 

 But a Worst goes to the 1976 version starring Barbra Streisand.

My second Best remake goes to Ocean's 11. 

I'm awarding this one not because the 1960 original was bad - it wasn't. In fact, I really like the Rat Pack version. 

But it's a lot harder for a remake to top a good original than a stinker and I think the 2001version did just that. 

 My second Worst remake award goes to Sabrina.

The 1954 original was a delightful romantic comedy starring 

Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, and William Holden.

It was nominated for several Academy Awards and remains a favorite classic.

 

 

 

The 1995 version starred Harrison Ford, Julia Ormond, and Greg Kinnear. 

I really expected to like this movie. I love romantic comedy and...well, it was Harrison Ford.  But the movie was flat, there was no chemistry between Ford and Ormond, and the whole thing was just a waste of two hours.

 

 

 

 

This last one isn't exactly a movie remake but I'm including it anyway. . 

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is a wonderful animated Christmas show based on the book by Dr. Seuss and perfectly narrated by the great Boris Karloff. 

It happens to be my favorite Christmas special and I watch it every year.

 

It DID NOT need to be made into a feature film vehicle for Jim Carrey.

 

 

Okay, those are my picks. What do you think? Agree? Disagree? What would be yours?

 

Hop around today and check out some of the other choices. 

To see the list of participating blogs, click here.

Joke of the Day:

My neighbor was working in his yard when a late model car came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.

He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.

"Ma'am, forgive me, but you appear quite elderly to be driving."

"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore."

 

"You don't need one?" 

"Nope. The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket. Then he told me, 'You won't need this anymore.'  So I thanked him and I left!"