Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Who's the Birdbrain?


I'm an idiot. No, really. I appreciate you disagreeing (you did disagree, right?) but I have proof.

I love birds. I have a half dozen feeders around my back yard filled with various kinds of seed, and two bird baths - one heated to ensure they have drinking water in the winter. I especially like the feeder that hangs from a hook clamped to the deck railing because it brings my little feathered friends close to the kitchen window.  It's the type with a plastic seed container inside a metal cage. The cage is on a spring that causes it to drop when anything heavier than a bird (i.e. a squirrel) lands on a perch, so that it covers the feeding ports and keeps the seed for birds only. 

A couple of months ago I did a routine cleaning of all my feeders, which involved taking them apart to wash the insides. Since then I noticed the deck feeder wasn't being visited as usual. Birds would land on the perches but not stay to eat. This often means there's a predator in the area and I did spot a hawk a few times. But even when there were birds at all the other feeders, this one was ignored. Once or twice a week I would dump the seed onto the paving stones under the feeder and re-fill it with fresh, just in case the seed was the problem. The seed I poured onto the stones was quickly scarfed up by both birds and squirrels but the feeder remained abandoned. I was confused and a bit disappointed. 

This morning, I went to dump the untouched seed from that feeder and put in new, and something strange caught my eye. When I took it off the hook, the cage moved in my hand and covered the feeding ports, as expected, but when I hung it on the hook and let go, the cage was still covering the ports. At first I thought the spring was broken but the cage was moving up and down just fine. I took the feeder down again and studied it more closely.  None of the feeding ports matched up to the openings in the cage or to the perches. The last time I'd taken the feeder apart, I'd put the cage on sideways (rotated 90 degrees). The birds weren't eating the seed because they couldn't get to it. 

It took me MONTHS to figure this out.

I'm an idiot!

The feeder is now fixed and we'll see how long it takes for some brave soul to check it out and realize the chow line is open again. Hopefully, they'll be quicker than I was. 

For Hump Day...a friend sent me this. I'm not sure which dog shaming site it came from, but I love it... especially the part about not living near a beach.

Something a little different for your "aw" this week.

 Did you say it?  I did.

That's all for today.  I hope my little bout of idiocy gave you a laugh. 

For my Jewish friends, I wish you a joyous and blessed Passover. 

For my Christian friends, I wish you a joyous and blessed Easter.

See you next week.

Thought for this week: 

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Happy All Funnies Hump Day



But please bear with me today. While juggling a couple deadlines, a major landscaping project, and an upcoming wedding, I totally dropped the ball on writing this post.

So instead of any pearls of wisdom from me, today you get all funnies.
(Okay, stop applauding.)  

Here we go. 

 Made me laugh, this did.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the speaker and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall and I found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it okay if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if it will make you happy."
WOMAN: "Oh, thank you, sweetheart. I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "Okay, but for that price I want all the options."
WOMAN: "Wonderful! You're so good to me. Um, one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "Darling, thank you! I'll call right now. I love you so much!"
MAN: "I love you, too. See you later."

The man ends the call. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He looks around and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?” 

Did you see it coming?

But a writer's gotta write when a writer's gotta write.

This next one sort of explains why I dropped the ball on this post...

Yeah, I'm looking a little scary.

I know my last couple "aw"s have been about eyes,
but I just couldn't resist this guy's.

Come on, you know you said it. 

 That's all for today. I hoped you found something here to give you a laugh and help you over the mid-week hump and on your way to the weekend.  Did you have a favorite?

I'm going to be offline all day today but I'll be around to see you later in the week. Have a great week.

Quote for Today:

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.  ~ Mark Twain


Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Food for Thought (And a Little Silliness, Too)


First of all, the answer to the question I know has been keeping you up nights this past week...

The chocolates arrived intact and the Marine is a happy camper! 
(I should have made him send me a selfie of him enjoying one. LOL)

Today, I'm just offering miscellaneous silliness and food for thought.

Food for thought - Part 1

Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

If poison expires is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

PSA: Our church held its bi-monthly blood drive today.  I've been a regular donor for several decades, and I'm delighted that my 17 year old granddaughter and my granddaughter-to-be (the Marine's fiance) have become regular donors, as well. So few young people consider donating blood. Did you know only 37% of all Americans are eligible to donate blood, and less than 10% do?

Are you a blood donor?

Food for thought - Part 2

Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

Have I mentioned I'm a big tea drinker? 
Seriously. I've never been able to develop a taste for coffee.
But I'm not sure I've had this particular brand. 

Food for thought - Part 3 

Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, and scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

Okay, you've earned your "aw".
How about this one?

No, not the cute little girl or the kitten.
It's that poor heartbroken dog.
Don't you think he deserves an "aw"?

Okay, that's all for today. I hope you're sailing through this week and heading for a great weekend.

Do you have any little morsels of thought for me? 

Quote for Today:

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. ~ Winston Churchill


Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Mystery Most...Chocolate?


I have a happy to share! I'm delighted to be sharing these pages with so many wonderful authors.

Malice Domestic 14: Mystery Most Edible will be published in May by Wildside Press.

My story, "Sticky Fingers" is a tale of murder, revenge, and...cupcakes!


Speaking of yummy (yes, this is a terrible segue)... You all know I have a grandson serving in the Marine Corps, and being the wonderful Nana that I am, I like to send him care packages. A pretty simple thing, right?

Well, sometimes. A couple weeks ago I started putting together a package. I had all the usual - jerky, peanut butter crackers, microwave mac & cheese, etc. - but I wanted to toss in something special. When he was home at Christmas, he discovered these special chocolate candies he thought were wonderful, so a couple Sunday's ago, I stopped by the fancy chocolate store and bought a half pound. As I was checking out, I mentioned I was mailing them. The clerk expressed concern, telling me their chocolate contained no preservatives and needed to be kept refrigerated.

I spent the better part of the next week trying to decide how to send his care package, which I knew from experience could take anywhere from three to seven days to arrive. I thought of adding a freezer cold pack, wrapped with the chocolates, but finally settled on sending the package - without the chocolate - regular priority mail as I usually did, and then sending the chocolates overnight express.

So I mailed the bulk of his package on Friday and held the chocolates for Monday (his Post Office is closed on the weekend). Then I decided it was a bit of a waste to send just a half pound of chocolates by themselves, so on Sunday I stopped by the chocolate shop again and bought an additional pound.

Just to be certain, I asked the clerk - a different person this time - if the chocolates would be okay being mailed overnight express with a freezer pack to keep them cold. She informed me that, while it's true the chocolates did not contain preservatives, they would be fine unrefrigerated for a week, possibly longer.

But which clerk was correct?

I debated what to do next. Freezer pack? Overnight express? Both? I finally decided to send them overnight express but without the freezer pack since those frozen bricks are quite heavy. After all, how much could a pound and a half of chocolates cost to mail? I wrapped them up and headed to the Post Office on Monday morning.

Would you believe $45.00? For a pound and a half of chocolates? I couldn't do it. I couldn't spend over twice what the chocolates cost just on postage. I said the heck with it and sent them regular priority mail. Maybe I'd get lucky.

Later that day I checked the USPS tracking on the package I'd mailed the previous Friday. It had already been delivered.  Fastest time ever!  Now I'm tracking the chocolates.

They appear to be traveling by sloth.

Guess who is NOT getting a chocolate bunny for Easter.

I've been a little wordy so here's a visual funny.

Oh yeah. Piece of cake.

And, of course, your weekly "aw"...

I know you said it.

How about you? Ever struggled to get something mailed or shipped? Got a good horror story you can share?

See you next Wednesday.

Thought for the Day:

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.