Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Hump Day Funnies from Across the Pond

Happy Hump Day

And happy August 1st.  What?  It isn't August 1st?  The 15th?!?  How did that happen?

Well, I'm back from our trip to Disney World and apparently from a little extra two week time warp.  But I'm just in time to give you that much needed boost over the mid-week hump and onto the easy slide to the weekend.

In honor of the Olympics (weren't they wonderful?), this week's Hump Day funnies come to us from jolly old England.  The following are little snippets from various British newspapers.

 Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)

I'm not sure where these came from but they're worth a chuckle:

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten your "aw".  It's a good one.

You know you said it.

Did you have a favorite? 

Please say hi when you stop by so I'll know you haven't forgotten me.  I'll be coming by your blog soon.

Quote of the Day:  By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.  -- Socrates


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Welcome back!
The duck refused treatment - funny! Although the bit about the Irish police van is hilarious.

Maria Zannini said...

No one can do understatement as well as the Brits.

Welcome back. :)

Linda G. said...

Awwww. (You were right.)

The Marco-Polo really made me chuckle.

Stacy McKitrick said...

I think I liked the first one best (although the Marco-Polo was pretty good), because it was said in such a serious manner!

Jessica R. Patch said...

I needed the chuckle this afternoon. I've had a terrible sinus headache all day and I'm at work!

I did say Awwww!

LD Masterson said...

Thanks, Alex. I just joined your upcoming Favorite Genre blogfest.

The duck line was one of my favorites.

LD Masterson said...

Thanks, Maria. I finally made it.

This is why I'm such a fan of all the British TV imports.

LD Masterson said...

Linda G. - Yeah, that "aw" was a given. And I love stupid crooks.

LD Masterson said...

Stacy - Wouldn't you love to have seen the reaction of the guy whose house blew up when he read that?

LD Masterson said...

Jessica - Well, let me give you an "aw", too, for your headache.

Awwww, poor baby.

Carol Kilgore said...

Aawwwww :)
Our blue heeler tries to herd baby ducks.
Hope you had a great vacation! Missed you :)

Mike Keyton said...

Loved the Arnie 'cut out' story. You might also like this from The Times:

Although China is atop the list for gold medals, it recently claimed that a couple of Kazakhstan medals were rightfully China’s.
“Greedy China looks longingly at Kazakhstan’s gold medals,” read a recent headline in The Times of London. According to the paper, Xinhua, China’s state-run news agency, has said that two gold-medal-winning weight lifters from Kazakhstan hail from China. One of them, Zulfiya Chinshanlo, admitted to pining for rice cakes, which Xinhua cited as evidence of a “Chinese stomach.”

Must stop eating McDonalds. Can't have people thinking I'm American right? : )

Jemi Fraser said...

Those are hilarious! Polo proves most crooks don't have very high IQs :)

Annmarie Pipa said...

welcome back! is that quote really from Socrates?!

LD Masterson said...

Thanks, Carol. I have to betray my total ignorance here and ask...what's a blue heeler?

LD Masterson said...

Mike - Oh, that's great. Good thing I don't have any gold medals because I'm a sucker for mu shu pork.

LD Masterson said...

Jemi - I love ditwitted crooks stories.

LD Masterson said...

Annmarie - Well, I got it off a legitimate quote site but I couldn't reach him for verification. :-)

We can believe everything we read on the Internet, right?

Darke Conteur said...

OMG! Those are great! Thanks and welcome back!

Maryann Miller said...

I really got a chuckle from reading all of them, but did wonder about what goes on in that area of the sea that seeing folks on inflatable teeth was so common. Maybe we're better off not knowing?

The picture was definitely worth an aw. So sweet.

LD Masterson said...

Hey, thanks, Darke. And I'm glad you enjoyed them.

LD Masterson said...

Maryann - I liked letting my imagination run wild on that one.

Karin said...

Hey Linda! So glad you are back! I missed the groaners but you made up for the recent absence with all these quotes! I laughed--or as the young folks would say PIMPL!! You may not have to google it like I did since your grandchildren are of an age to know these things.

Welcome back!

LD Masterson said...

Karin - You made me work for that one. I didn't know it and hit three different text slang sites without finding it. Then I just put my thinking cap on and figured it out.

Did you get the e-mail I send last Friday?