Wednesday, October 10, 2012

On Getting Older - Hump Day Funnies

Happy Hump Day

A friend of mine (you know who you are) recently referred to my husband and I as "old geezers". Evidently she hasn't heard that sixty is the new forty. Or the recycled fifty. Something like that.

Anyway, I decided to devote today's Hump Day post to the joys of old age. Some of you kids (twenty and thirty somethings) might not fully appreciate these but I guarantee my older followers are going to enjoy a good laugh.

First, a wonderful video by the very funny Pam Peterson on Memory.

Hmmm, this one's on memory, too:

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down, looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically I headedfor the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered. I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane's voice, "Ken," she barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

Diane retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!"

This vid by George Younce is on another joy of aging.

This one just made me laugh.

An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.

"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."

Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.

The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.

"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."

"But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my Private Part died."

"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?"

(you gotta love this...)

"Well," he replied, "Today's the viewing."

I was hunting for a good "aw" picture in keeping with today's theme but didn't come up with one.  Hope you like this one instead.    

It worked for me.

Okay, that's it for today.  Hope you all (young and old) found enough smiles, chuckles, LOLs to get you over the midweek hump and on the downhill coast to the weekend.  Did you have a favorite?

Senior Thoughts for Today:

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

(Personal note: Welcome to my newest follower.  Hi, Sweetie.)


Linda G. said...

ROF,L! Oh, my gosh. You should give a Depends warning warning before a post like this. I laughed so hard I think I hurt myself trying not to pee. ;)

Morgan said...

Ah-hahahaha!!!!! Oh dear... I am laughing...

The thing is, 60's are SO YOUNG. It IS the new 40! Serious. The older I get, the younger I realize I am, if that makes sense...

Great post. :D

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The stolen car one is great!
And you just tell your friend that you do not look a day over fifty, so there.

Maria Zannini said...

Try to keep up, old lady. ;-)

I've been recycled enough. I want an upgrade.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

You always make me laugh. My husband is older than me so I was prepared for the 'forgetfulness' stuff

Stacy McKitrick said...

I'm with Linda G. Give a warning, will ya? I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time!

I thought Pam Peterson was my favorite until I read about the guy's car. It's a toss up!

LD Masterson said...

Linda G. - Depends ALERT! Depends ALERT!

Does that help?

LD Masterson said...

Morgan - Oh sweetie, I don't think you get to use the phrase "the older I get" yet. But I'm happy you enjoyed the post.

LD Masterson said...

Alex - But...but...I'm only 42.

(Writing about my 38 year old son's birthday last week probably blew that one, huh?)

LD Masterson said...

Oh, first it's old geezers and now it's old lady? I'm definitely going to smack you with my cane.

LD Masterson said...

Susan - Glad you enjoyed it. Can't always count on the older spouse getting forgetful first though. I know a lot of couples where the younger one's memory starting failing first.

LD Masterson said...

Stacy - Okay, here's one for you, too...Depends ALERT!

I've had the clip of Pam's for years and it cracks me up every time.

Maryann Miller said...

This was all so funny. I loved Mr. Goldstien's joke. Maybe I was just in the mood for something a little naughty.

Julie Dao said...

HAHAHAHA! Love both the Goldstein joke and the stolen car joke. Thanks for the laugh!

Tara Tyler said...

i hate that i can appreciate a lot of that! ha!
and the viewing, every man wants a reason for a viewing...
great fun!

Anonymous said...

My kids are probably wondering why I'm sitting at the computer laughing. This post is TOO funny. :)

LD Masterson said...

Maryann - at this age, that's about as naughty as it gets.

LD Masterson said...

Julie - you're welcome. Glad you liked them

LD Masterson said...

Tara - Yeah, they're such show offs. LOL

LD Masterson said...

Linda J. - And they probably wouldn't understand if you told them.

Mike Keyton said...

The car anecdote made my day. Ref 60 being the new 40 - it's a wonderful line held dear by all 'baby-boomers' but I'm always reminded of my wife's uncle who recently died at the age of 88. Despite two strokes and needing a zimmer-frame, he never relinquished his love of swimming in the sea. His children led him out - zimmerframe and all, and he bobbed happily until he was cold. That's my definition of 'old' when you become to infirm or comfortable to swim in the sea.

Carol Kilgore said...

Love the aw moment :)
Happy Weekend!

LD Masterson said...

Mike - Every time I went back to visit family in Boston, I stopped by the Bunker Hill Mounument and climbed to the top (224 steps). I always said when I couldn't do it any more I'd admit I'm old.

I sure do miss visiting Boston.

LD Masterson said...

Thanks, Carol. Happy Weekend to you, too.