Wednesday, May 8, 2013

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Happy Hump Day

I usually offer a joke and/or some funny pictures to get you over the mid-week hump but today I'm just going to tell you about something that happen last weekend. As the saying goes, you just can't make this stuff up.

Hubby and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. Sophie, our Jack Russell terrier, came in through her dog door and hopped onto the couch between us.

After a moment, my hubby said, "Sophie has something in her mouth."

I leaned around to his side and saw several blades of grass sticking out the side of her face. "Yeah, she's been eating grass again."  I started pulling on the grass and bits of fur followed. Oh, crap. She'd been into something more than grass.

I lowered her to the floor, not wanting whatever was in her mouth to land on my couch, and turned her head to pry open her jaws. Sticking out on the left side were a pair of feet.

Oh, blech. "Honey, get me a plastic bag. She's got something gross in her mouth."

He headed for the kitchen while I hung on to Sophie.

Then the little feet started kicking.

Okay, I freaked. "Honey, get that bag in here. Whatever's in her mouth is still alive!"

He laid the bag on the floor with the top open and I tried to position my fingers around the wiggling feet. Sophie didn't fight but she didn't exactly cooperate either.  I managed to pry open her mouth and something small and dark dropped onto the plastic.  It was about the size of a small field mouse but to be honest it could have been a baby rodent of almost any kind. I noticed there was no blood but that was about all.  Hubby scooped up the bag while I made sure Sophie had no other gifts tucked away behind her teeth.

My husband returned to his TV show and I tried to keep Sophie from licking me. Mouse breath. Gross.

"What did you do with it?" I asked.

"I put the bag in the trash."

"Which trash?"

"In the kitchen."

"What? No! You can't just drop that bag in the trash. That little thing is still alive."  Yeah, I was freaking again. 

I retrieved the bag and carried it outside.  The slight rustling told me the occupant with still with us. Okay, I really didn't think this one through. I don't know if I thought I was setting it free or if maybe it was a baby and its mommy would come get it or what. I just felt I had to put this poor traumatized creature back out in the yard where it belonged. So I took a couple steps off the deck and emptied the bag gently onto the grass. In the dim light I saw it stir but nothing more. I didn't want to see anything more.

I went inside and shut the door, including Sophie's private entrance.

"You know," my ever-practical spouse told me, "as soon as you let her back out, she's going right after it again."

Hmm. He was right. I should have put it outside our fenced backyard. But I just couldn't bring myself to visit it again.

Then the Calvary arrived. My son and my grandson dropped by.

"Hey, would one of you move a mouse off the grass by the deck for me?"

"I'll do it!" said my grandson.

Three of us trooped outside (my husband having lost interest in the proceedings) and I pointed to the tiny shadow on the grass. My son had come prepared with a paper towel. I stood back while they debated if this was really a mouse or perhaps a baby bunny. I didn't want it to be a baby bunny. I love baby bunnies.

Baby bunnies in the yard - last summer

"Hey," my grandson jumped back several paces. "That thing's still alive."

"I know. That's why I want you to move it. So Sophie doesn't kill it."

My son passed the paper towel to his son. "You do it."

My grandson passed it back. "Uh uh. You do it."

My big brave hunters.  I went inside and procured a small garden trowel. "Here, can you pick it up with this?"

My son - who, by the way, is 6' 3" and 200+ lbs. - carefully approached the tiny shadow.  He bent down with the shovel in his hand. Suddenly there was a spray of dirt and a thud as something bounced off the wooden gate.

"What did you do?!?"

"I was just trying to lift him but the tip of the shovel got caught in the dirt and I...I sort of flipped him."

Good grief. Captured by a dog and trapped in her mouth, stuffed in a plastic bag and dropped in the trash, and now bounced of a wooden gate.

I'd like to say the little creature survived. I don't know. We searched for a while but never found where it landed. Maybe the flight through the air (before slamming into the fence) was enough to bring the little guy out of his stupor and he scampered/crawled away. Yeah, I'm going with that idea. And he was definitely a mouse - not a baby bunny.

No, I didn't forget your aw. And, believe it or not, it's not a baby bunny.

You know you said it.

So what do you think? Hopeless, right? The whole lot of us. But I hope our mouse misadventures gave you a laugh. And least enough to get you over the mid-week hump and on your way to the weekend.

Definition of the Day:

Carpool Tunnel Syndrome - The numb feeling in your hands from gripping the steering wheel to avoid smacking one of the other people in the vehicle.


Misha Gericke said...

Oh my word! I'd freak out as well. Small rodents give me the heevie jeevies.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You're right - you can't make that stuff up. Maybe it lived.

Heather Musk said...

I'm sure it lived. My mother-in-laws cat used to bring loads of things in and leave them behind the furniture. Nice.

Linda G. said...

Oh, my gosh! You reacted exactly the way I would have. Poor little mouse (I, too, refuse to believe it was a baby bunny). One thing for sure--if it made it out of your yard alive, it's never coming back.

And, awww, glad you went with a a puppy.

Stacy McKitrick said...

Well, at least she didn't bring in a baby oppossum. Yep, ours did. And you know what, they DO fake being dead!

Mike Keyton said...

Great story. Reminds me of the time our neighbour's pet rodent escaped through the wall cavity and popped it's head through a small hole in our kitchen. It was stuck there, like a trophy moosehead in a rich man's hall. Only much smaller. And it moved. My wife freaked out and said I couldn't go to work until I removed it. I tried pulling it. It squeaked but other than that nothing. Next door neighbour came round and suggested knocking a bigger hole into my wall. I looked at him, and pulled harder. The rodent came out.

Robin said...

Nope. Can't make that stuff up. If it lived, think of the story it will tell. None of the other mice will ever believe him. He will go through his entire life being called a Big Fat Fibber. Come on. What self respecting mouse would get caught by a dog, dumped in a wonderful place like the trash, and then flipped against a big long wooden thing? Seriously? I think NOT. I feel sorry for the little guy.

Karen Walker said...

Oh.My. Goodness.

LD Masterson said...

Misha - Is that the same as giving me the willies? *grin*

Alex - I hope so.

Heather - Sophie's the first dog we've had who brought "someone" home. I'm hoping she won't make it a habit.

Linda G. - Oh, good. Nice to know I'm not the only wuss.

Stacy - Heck, maybe this was a baby opossum. But it didn't play dead well.

Mike - No fair, Mike. Your story was funnier than mine. (tee hee)

Robin - Yeah, it would sound like one of those alien abduction stories.

Karen - At least.

Julie Luek said...

Ohhh I don't like when baby anythings are harmed and I definitely don't like when my dog-dog tries to give kisses after eating gross things.

I'm sure the little thing is fine and sitting around telling his little mousie (or bunny) friends about his Big Adventure, with much dramatic flare. I bet it started something like, "Seriously, you can't make this stuff up..."

DL Hammons said...

I think I laughed the hardest when your husband put the bag in the inside trash. LOL!

Maria Zannini said...

You know where (and how) I live. This kind of stuff happens regularly here--only most of the time I'm on my own.

Re: kitchen trash
Tell your husband not to help you again. It's just better for everyone concerned.

Melody said...

Aww, that poor little "mouse"! Can't say you didn't try to help the poor little thing! lol

Clarissa Draper said...

What a story! I hope the little guy is okay. said...

I was saying "Yuck, yuck" and squirming along with you as I read through this. I'm also in denial that it was anything but a pesky rodent. We never know the stories that creatures will bring to us. Your son's stature always enlivens your (mis)adventures too, LD.

Be well and rodent free.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Oh my God! Out cat Tiger brought in a live mouse once. Fortunately we caught him before he escaped.

LD Masterson said...

Julie - I love that mental image. Hopefully we did just give him a story to tell.

DL - Yeah, he's so helpful that way.

Maria - Now you know how much out of my element I am on the homestead.

Melody - By the time it was over, I wondered if he would have better off as a Sophie snack.

Clarissa - So do I.

Robyn - Yuck was one of the words I used. There were also several I won't print in my blog.

Diane - I know many cat families have to deal with this sort of thing on a regular basis. I think that's why I'm more a dog person. But Sophie faked us out completely. At least we didn't have to chase this one.

Tina said...

That. Was hysterical. I'm sorry for laughing at your predicament and your (lack) of great hunters...but let's not talk about that small little life anymore...where I used to work we had lots of bunnies. Lots of baby bunnies. (Manufacturing facility on the edge of town - I was the office manager). Great puppy picture to cheer me up after...yeah.
I'm adding your quote to my fb page. i drive a carpool of 7th graders...
Tina @ Life is Good

Julie Dao said...

OMG... LD, I laughed so hard. I hope that little guy survived!!

mshatch said...

Carpool tunnel - Ha!

Murees Dupé said...

I think this is a really sweet story. None of you had the heart to really hurt it, which makes me smile. Thank you for the cute dog picture, it definitely made me aw and smile and laugh. Carpool tunnel syndrome is really brilliant too. I need to remember that one. Thank you for your fantastic advice on my blog. I really appreciated it.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Where is America's Funniest Home Videos when you need them.
I had Carpool tunnel syndrome too but the other rider was one of my sons.

Nicki Elson said...

I'm totally going to go with your scampered away theory. Definitely can't make this stuff up, ha.

LD Masterson said...

Tina - A carpool of 7th graders? I think I'd rather deal with the mouse.

Julie - Me, too. On both, actually.

mshatch - Glad you liked it.

Murees - Yeah, we're a bunch of softies. I hope things get better for you at work.

Susan - But sons you're allowed to smack. Aren't you?

Nicki - Yup, scampered away.