Happy Hump Day. And we have a winner for last week's Caption Contest. Congratulations to Isis Rushdan. Isis gave us five great captions which gave her five chances to win.
Today's post is a little goodie I received in an e-mail. It came with a couple links to verify it's authenticity but, to be honest, I didn't check it out. One reason is I've caught a nasty bug and I'm so loopy on cold meds, I could barely find my way to my own site. The other is I don't care. If this is pure fiction, it's still worth reading just to admire the convoluted mind that came up with it.
So without further ado - The Strange Case of Ronald Opus
On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.
Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a 10-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency.
As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun.
The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.
When one intends to kill subject 'A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B.'
When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant that they thought the shotgun was not loaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her.
Therefore, the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about 6 weeks prior to the fatal accident.
It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger.
The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now for the exquisite twist...
Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus.
He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the 10 story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window.
The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself.
So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
Did you like it? Give you any ideas?
Okay, my box of tissues and I are going back to bed now. See you on Friday.
Groaner of the Day: A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.
"Are you sure?", the distraught woman asked. "He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?"
The vet paused for a moment and said, "There is one more thing we can do." He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.
"Well, that confirms it." the vet announced. "Your dog is dead."
Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, "How much do I owe you?"
That will be $330." the vet replied.
"What?" screamed the woman. "What did you do that cost $330!?"
"Well", the vet replied, "it's $30 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."