Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Award Winning Metaphors...(well, sort of)

Happy Hump Day

I was searching through my 'hump day funnies' folder and found these gems in an e-mail I received early last year.  According to the e-mail, the following are winners of the

Annual English Teachers Award
for the best metaphors/analogies from student papers.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
 
The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
 
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law George. But unlike George, this plan just might work. 

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 


Wait a second. Do I hear the sound of writers running to check their manuscripts for lines like these?  Nope, I didn't think so.

And, no, I didn't forget your weekly "aw".

I dare you not to say it over this one.


 
You know you did. 

Okay, that's it. Did I get any chuckles? Giggles? LOLs? Most importantly, did I get you over the mid-week hump? I hope so.

Any favorites this week?


Thought for the Day:

I went to San Francisco.  I found someone's heart.  Now what?

17 comments:

Stacy McKitrick said...

You started my day off good. Thanks!

I like the hungry one and the laughing one the best. :)

Mark Means said...

Are those "best" as in 'good' or...? hehe

Very cute pic...you can't go wrong with kids and/or puppies :)

Karen Walker said...

I did!
karen

Linda G. said...

Awwww. So cute.

And I love those metaphors! I giggled all the way through them. :)

Al Diaz said...

Well, thank you for the laughter, I needed it. :D

Maryann Miller said...

I love Hump Day. The picture did make me smile. Thanks.

Robin said...

Actually, these lines are great for anyone who has an idiot teenager in their novel. It's like dipping in the land o' honey. Hahahaha. Those were hilarious. I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my chair.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Like the sound a dog makes before it throws up - funny!

LD Masterson said...

Sorry for the delay responding to everyone. We lost an old friend over the weekend and today was the funeral. I had to get back into the proper frame of mind for hump day comments

Stacy - The hungry one sounds like my elder grandson.

Mark - However you want to take them. *grin*

Karen - I'm happy.

Linda G. - An aw and some giggles. Success!

Al - Well, I'm glad I could provide some.

Maryann - No, no. The picture was supposed to me you say 'awww".

Robin - Oh no. I hope you didn't hurt yourself. (tee hee)

Alex - I know someone who laughs like that.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

You gave me lots of laughs. The picture made me think that some poor mom had a litter.

Jemi Fraser said...

Awwwww for sure!!

The freight train one and the George one totally cracked me up! Awesome :)

LD Masterson said...

Susan - I hope there were at least two moms involved in that "litter". *grin*

Jemi - I think I laughed hardest at the freight train.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

The one about the brother in law named George was good.

Morgan said...

LOL! I Love it!

:D

nutschell said...

what a sweet picture! I love all these analogies :Dthanks for the laughs.
Nutschell
www.thewritingnut.com

Nicki Elson said...

I've seen these before, and they still make me laugh! "the kind you get from not eating for a while." brilliant. I think the George one is my favorite though.

Made it over that hump! ;)

LD Masterson said...

Diane - I think I know that guy.

Morgan - Thanks!

Nutschell - You're very welcome.

Nicki - Yea! You're on your way to Friday.