Award Winning Metaphors...(well, sort of)

Happy Hump Day

I was searching through my 'hump day funnies' folder and found these gems in an e-mail I received early last year.  According to the e-mail, the following are winners of the

Annual English Teachers Award

for the best metaphors/analogies from student papers.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. 

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

 

The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

 

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law George. But unlike George, this plan just might work. 

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 

Wait a second. Do I hear the sound of writers running to check their manuscripts for lines like these?  Nope, I didn't think so.

And, no, I didn't forget your weekly "aw".

I dare you not to say it over this one.

 

You know you did. 

Okay, that's it. Did I get any chuckles? Giggles? LOLs? Most importantly, did I get you over the mid-week hump? I hope so.

Any favorites this week?

Thought for the Day:

I went to San Francisco.  I found someone's heart.  Now what?