Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Assorted Hump Day Funnies Just for You

Happy Hump Day

How did you ever get over the mid-week hump the last couple weeks without me?

Well, wait no more - I've got an assortment of funnies for you this morning.

First, a photo to make you go, "Huh?"  Check out the product label.

 Think someone should tell them?

Here's a joke in honor of my husband...who could definitely be this guy.

A man and his wife walk into a dentist's office.    
The man says to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry.  I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic. I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it!”

 “But, sir…” the dentist began.
“No buts. We have a 10:00AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for anesthetic!”'

The dentist is a little taken aback at pulling the tooth without using anything to kill the pain but he yields to the man’s wishes.  "All right, sir.  Which tooth is it?"
The man turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth, honey, and show him."  

 Well, maybe not. But I make a point of driving myself to the dentist.

 How about another head-scratcher?


 Um, which way should I go?

This next joke's in honor of my old home town of Boston. (Go Red Sox!)

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", but  none could say "Truck."

 My friends from the south may not get that one.

 This picture could almost qualify as a Groaner.

And, of course, I didn't forget your "aw".

 Does this little guy make you say it? 
He definitely got me.

Okay, did those do it for you? Over the hump and on the easy slope to the weekend?

Did you have a favorite?

Definition of the Day:

TYPE-BLINDNESS: The inability to recognize a typo in your e-mail until you’ve pushed the "Send" button.


Linda G. said...

Awww. And I definitely suffer from type-blindness. I just didn't know it had an official name. ;)

Mason Canyon said...

These are great. The bird joke was cute. Your Wednesday post do brighten my week. Thanks!!

Thoughts in Progress

Liz Fichera said...

"Long yellow things" Love that!!!

mooderino said...

I definitely have type-blindness.

Stacy McKitrick said...

Thanks for the laughs!

Tyrean Martinson said...

"Cah" and the cutie at the end were my favorites! Thanks for the laughs today!

Tammy Theriault said...

LOVE MORNING HUMOR...thanks for starting my day!

LD Masterson said...

Linda G. - Yup. I've had it for years myself.

Mason - You're welcome. Thanks for coming by.

Liz - Cracked me up.

Mood - Would you believe I've had your Pace Race post open on my screen since Monday because I want to re-read it and keep getting distracted?

Stacy - My pleasure.

Tyrean - As a displaced Bostonian, the "cah" was my favorite.

Tammy - You're very welcome.

Tina said...

LOVED the dental perfect. And yes, I did AW! Great collection of funnies...I think I need some long yellow thingies...
Tina @ Life is Good

Lexa Cain said...

You spoil us. I was laughing at every one. I love them so much I can't even pick a fav, but the "Long Yellow Things" was a hoot! And I was born in Boston, and totally get the joke. Hysterical!!

Robin said...

Those were great.


Donna K. Weaver said...

Thanks for those great pictures. They made me smile, and I needed that.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

My daughter is attending BU so we enjoyed that one.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

That shark one is bad! But we could have so much fun with our cats and that shark pillow.

LD Masterson said...

Tina - If you buy the long green things and wait a while, they'll turn into long yellow things. But don't wait too long or they'll become long black things.

Lexa - Hey, fellow native Bostonian!

Robin - See my answer to Tina (above).

Donna - Glad I could give you a needed smile.

Susan - Great school.

Diane - Yup, I can see the mental images.

Maryann Miller said...

I think I am the queen of type-blindness. I don't know how many times one of my friends has pointed out a typo in a comment or an e-mail. (smile)

Cannot believe the sign by the bananas. That was seriously in a store?

Thanks for the fun. Glad you are back.

Sarah Allen said...

Man, you always have the best stuff :) Love the shark tooth puppy :D

Sarah Allen
(From Sarah, With Joy)

Angela Brown said...

HA! At my job, we had a trainer come down from Boston and we spent part of the training trying to follow all her "r" words like, car, garage and quite a few others. She was trying to tell a humorous story at the time.

Didn't go so well.

And that Awww photo was just too cute :-)

Pk Hrezo said...


Too cute! :D

Kaye George said...


Heather Holden said...

*hee* These were all so much fun! The shark one might be a "groaner," but it had me giggling heaps regardless! And that dog pic definitely had me aww-ing. Too cute!

Maria Zannini said...

I think it would be awfully hard for that husband to swing a golf club with that black eye. Just sayin'. :)

mshatch said...

I laughed at the groaner :)

farawayeyes said...

Long Yellow Things - my favorite.

Type-Blindness - my affliction.

LD Masterson said...

Maryann - I usually see my own typos, but only after I hit send/publish.

Sarah - Thanks. Glad you liked them.

Angela - I moved from Boston to Virginia when I was a kid. It was months before anyone could understand a word I said.

Pk - Thanks.

Kaye - You're welcome.

Heather - He was adorable. I had to "awwww".

Maria - If I make the mistake of having a heart attack on one of Stan's golf days, I'm driving myself to the hospital.

mshatch - Don't tell anyone but so did I.

farawayeyes - Seems to be a very common affliction so you're in good company.

Julie Luek said...

Thanks for the chuckles, eye rolls and groans. You make me laugh. :)

LD Masterson said...

Julie - That's the idea. *grin*