Wednesday, June 26, 2013

A Diller of a Hump Day

Happy Hump Day

And here we go with a few funnies to help you over the mid-week hump.

 This one just cracked me up. I don't know why.

Someone sent me an e-mail of one liners from the late great Phyllis Diller.

Here are some of my favorites.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

The best way to get rid of kitchen odors is to eat out.

 I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford, and then I want to move in with them.

 His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

My photographs don't do me justice; they just look like me.
There's so little money in my bank account that my scenic checks show a ghetto.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Of course, the lines just aren't the same without Phyllis Diller's famous laugh. 
Take a second and listen.

Wasn't she something?

Here's a Romeo with a small problem.

Speaking of problems...

Did you notice the title of the book?

Now for my favorite part...your hump day "aw."

You know you said it.

Did that do it?  Have you giggled, chuckled, or even laughed your way over the hump and onto the downhill slope to the weekend?  Well, I hope you did and I hope your weekend is a great one.

As always, I'd love to hear what tickled your fancy.

Everyone seems to be enjoying the riddles lately so here are a few more.

Riddles for Today:

1 - In California, you can't take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

2 - Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg is white." or "The yolk of the egg are white."

(the last one's an old favorite silly of mine)

3 - Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?


Karen Walker said...

I did say awww. And Phyllis Diller really was something. Such a funny lady. Okay, is yolk singular or plural?

Linda G. said...

Personally, I say the yolk of an egg is yellow. ;)

I love Phyllis Diller--she was a hoot and a half.

And, of course, awwwww.

Julie Flanders said...

Ha, I love the dog training for dummies pic. That could have been taken at my house. Dog training is not my forte LOL.

The mice cracked me up too, very cute. :)

Heather M. Gardner said...

These were pretty funny! Love those puppies.

I like the riddles!

You can't take a picture of anyone with a wooden leg. A wooden leg is not a camera!

The yolk is yellow.

So he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate!

Thanks for the smiles.

Mark Koopmans said...

LOVED the one about cleaning the house - with little kids. THAT'S exactly where I am in life and I dooo need to breathe sometimes and say "It's OK."

Q.1 Because it's against the law?

Q.2 The yolk is actually yellow, right :)

Q. 3 I have no idea - he thought he was a stick?

Cheers for the smiles:)

Stacy McKitrick said...

That first picture cracked me up, too. Love me some Star Trek humor!

Mark Means said...

I loved Phyllis Diller...she had what a lot of comedians, these days, don't....timing.

And, that laugh, it always made me laugh too.

Great mouse pic, btw :)

Have a great Wednesday!

LD Masterson said...

Karen - Nope. I don't tell until Monday. Of course, other commenters might spill the beans.

Linda G. - Yeah, how 'bout that?

Julie - With Sophie I need "How to Handle Your Dog's Neurosis for Dummies". She's such an emotional wreck.

Heather - I can neither confirm or deny those are the right answers until Monday. *grin*

Mark K. - The one about cleaning and kids is a universal truth. Ask any parent. (Riddle answers on Monday.)

Stacy - Me, too.

Mark M. - There's will never be another one like her.

Sue McPeak said...

Yes, Phyllis was hilarious and with that laugh you couldn't help but laugh with her. I'm all for keeping those odors out of the kitchen...good one.

I can relate to the discontinued blood type, too. Funny! Thanks for a great 'Hump Day' post. I think I'll make the rest of the week with a big smile on my face.

Sue CollectInTexasGal~Today's Post~
Wedding Wednesday...Colonial Ancestors Marriage Stories

Julie Dao said...

I LOL'ed at the dead "mouse" picture! And those riddles stumped me. I'm slow on my game today, rough week!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Phyllis was so funny without using bad language or anything disgusting.
Great pictures as usual. Now that I'm retired my only trouble with hump day is how fast the weeks are going by.

Robin said...

Phyllis Diller... what a great voice. Smooth as a gravel road that voice. Loved it. Very funny lady. Thanks for sharing some of her best one-liners. Great stuff:)

Stephen Tremp said...

Yeah she was a real hoot! Hey when are you going to post tje answers to the riddles?

Mike Keyton said...

I loved those one liners. Joan Rivers and Bob Hope were masters of those too. And thank you Heather Gardiner. I got the first two riddles but was stumped with the marshmallow.

Ref the mouse, do you have the same resucitation advice over there - pumping the chest to the rhythm of the Bee Gees 'staying a live' ?

Maryann Miller said...

Loved the mouse joke. Poor mice trying to save their buddy. LOL

Riddle answers:

You can't take a picture with a wooden leg, you need a camera.

Yolks are yellow.

Not sure about the third one but maybe so he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate.

I know someone else beat me to the answers, but I didn't want to let you think I was totally clueless about this. LOL

LD Masterson said...

Sue - Glad you enjoyed it.

Judie - Aw, maybe the rest of the week will go easier.

Susan - Isn't it amazing? I thought when I retired I'd have all this free time. Still hunting for it.

Robin - She was one of the great ones.

Stephen - Well, some people have tried their luck in their comments but I'm not saying who got what right. Official answers will be in my next post, on Monday.

Mike - CPR to "Staying Alive". I love that.

Maryann - Aw, I'd never think you were clueless. But you have to come back on Monday for the official answers.

mshatch said...

First, I want that puppy in the aw pic - he needs someone to pick him up and cuddle him!

Second the riddles:
1. no clue
2. The yolk (singular) of the egg is white.
3. Maybe he thought it was a little white cushion?

and third...yes, Phyllis Diller was hilarious :)

Lexa Cain said...

Phyllis Diller was fabulous. Reminds me of Irma Bombeck. I laughed the mischievous dog pics and "Aww-ed" at the puppy!
The riddles are hard. I think #2 is "is" and maybe #3 is because it wanted a moosh-mellow?
Thanks for helping me over Hump day! :-)

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Another stellar post, my dear!

I loved the mouse pic, and of course, enjoyed all of Phyllis Diller's gems. She was definitely one of a kind. (I must really be getting old, because I remember when did her first gigs on The Tonight Show!)

I got the first two riddles quickly, but the third one stumped me until I saw Heather's answer. HA! That's my kinda corny joke. Remember when elephant jokes were all the rage? I even had a book of them at one time. (Q. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? A. "Here come the elephants over the hill!" Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? A. "Here come the grapes!" He was color blind...)

Damyanti said...

Awwwww...:) Thanks for the smiles!

Kaye George said...

My biggest laugh was at the house cleaning joke. LOVED the Diller!

Julie Luek said...

She really was the queen of one-liners, wasn't she? And that infamous laugh: Ahh ha ha ha. I can still hear it!

Heather Holden said...

So many fantastic funnies! That mouse one had me giggling the most. And I most definitely awwed at the end!

Christina Farley said...

Those pictures cracked me up! Loved them! said...

I think that mice one is so funny because the mouth to the left has his mouth open so wide. He could be yelling "Stella! Stella!" and it'd still be hilarious.

#1 It's a sue-happy state, and you won't find a leg to stand on. [I tried.]

#2 Neither, the yolk isn't white.

#3 To make s'mores. ?

Happy Thursday, LD.

LD Masterson said...

mshatch - I thought he looked pretty comfortable. At least he tummy was full.

Lexa - Erma and Phyllis had different styles but they were both very funny ladies. Drop my on Monday for the riddle answers.

Susan F. S. - We're both getting old. I remember those first gigs, too. I haven't confirmed Heather's had all the riddle answers right so you need to check back on Monday. And here's one for you... Q. How to you fit four elephants in a Volkswagen? A. Two in the front and two in the back.

Damyanti - My pleasure.

Kaye - That was a joke? I thought it was just the truth.

Julie - She was one of a kind.

Heather - Giggles and Aws, that what I'm aiming for.

Christina - Thanks. I'm glad.

Robyn - I like your answer for number one. It's not right but I like it.

Heather Musk said...

The first one was hilarious, really made me laugh, thank you!

And once again, I have one of the three riddles. I think.

Maria Zannini said...

Sorry I'm so late getting over here. It's been (two) of those days.

I love the kissing puppies. :)

Tyrean Martinson said...

Love the mice picture! It made me chuckle. Phyllis was something great, and her laugh is missed. Thanks for sharing it! :)

Liz Fichera said...

I remember watching Phyllis Diller on the Johnny Carson show. She was always hilarious. Thanks for the memory! :)

Michael Di Gesu said...

Hi, LD...


Phyllis Diller was such a fantastic comedian. I watched endlessly growing up in reruns ... So sad she is no longer with us, BUT the her laughter goes on! A fitting tribute to an amazing lady!

Definitely AWED!

Have a great weekend!

Nicki Elson said...

Yay - your Humpday funnies are always a joy...even on Fridays. :) I "heard" her laugh even while I was reading.

1. Because a wooden leg can't take photos.
2. Neither, yolks are yellow
3. I don't even want to know...

Have a great weekend, L.D.!

Tara Tyler said...

thanks for the great laughs!
and i got the riddles this time all by myself!

ps, i was wondering about the new friend deal!

Misha Gericke said...

Cute pic! I totally went "AWE!!!" at the puppy in the bowl.

My guesses for your riddles:

1) Because you have to take pictures with a camera.
2) Neither. Yolk is yellow.
3) Probably didn't see it. ;-)

LD Masterson said...

Well, this stinks. I responded to all the latest comments yesterday but either I forgot to hit publish or Blogger dropped the ball because it's gone. So let's try again.

Heather - Which one do you think you got?

Maria - Aw, I hope the next ones are better.

Tyrean - Glad you enjoyed.

Liz - I miss Johnny even more than Phyllis. Sigh.

Michael - Hope you had a great weekend, too.

Nicki - You'll have to come back tomorrow and see the answer to number three. It's not gross, I promise.

Tara - New friend? Are you referring to my new Facebook page?

Misha - You may just have a couple of them. Have to find out tomorrow.

Patricia Stoltey said...

Definitely the puppy asleep in his food bowl. Awwww...