Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Battling Church Signs and Other Hump Day Nonsense

Happy Hump Day.

I'm going to do something different this week. Your first funny of the day is a series of battling church signs. 

Now before anyone takes offense, I know these aren't real and they aren't meant to reflect the actual beliefs of any particular faith. They're just for fun, okay?


Personally, I would love to believe these were actual signs but my son was quick to point out they were obviously Photoshopped. I don't care, they still made me laugh.

How about a little old lady joke?
(You know why I claim the right to tell these.)

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Trooper saw a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. Knowing a car going that slowly could be just as dangerous as a speeder, he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. As he approached the car, he noticed there were five old ladies - two in the front and three in the back of the car - wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver was obviously confused. "Officer, I don`t understand, I know I wasn't speeding. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma`am, you weren`t speeding, but driving significantly slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly -- twenty-two miles an hour."

The officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

"Oh dear," she replied, "that's right. Thank you. I see the difference now."

"Well, I'm going to let you go this time," the officer said, "but I have to everyone okay?  These women seem awfully shaken up."

"Oh, they`ll be fine in a minute, Officer. We just got off Route 119."

I didn't get a picture of that lady with her friends but I did get this one of her with her dog.

I think she's on Route 119 again.

Okay, the church signs ran this post a bit longer than usual so I'm jumping straight to your "aw".

There's nothing like sharing a nap with your best friend.

Aw, come on. You know you said it.

I want to take a second and thank my blog friend Alex Cavanaugh, the Ninja Captain, who gave this blog a very nice mention in his post yesterday.  He also referred to me as "someone with a pure heart", quite the nicest compliment I can think of.  Thank you, Alex.

If you don't follow Alex's blog (is there anyone who doesn't follow Alex's blog), you really should stop by. Especially now during the A-Z Challenge.

 Okay, are we there? Over the mid-week hump?
Oh, yeah - we're sailing toward the weekend!

Have a great one and I'll see you next Wednesday.

Thought for Today:


Rhonda Albom said...

Your son answered my immediate question. I was hoping they were real also, but either way, very funny.

Scribbles From Jenn said...

I agree with you, Photoshopped or not, they're funny. Love the last quote. Better to start and not finish than not start at all.

Scribbles From Jenn - Visiting from the A to Z Challenge

Murees Dupé said...

The old ladies joke is funny and you know I love a good aw. Alex is great.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi LD - those signs are great 'muffed up' or not .. but I love your story about the 22 and the 119 .. it's the poor dog in your photo who's suffering from the 119 ... so funny ..

Cheers and glad Alex flagged you up - well worth the link over and reminder I owed you a visit (or two .. anon!) .. cheers Hilary

Linda G. said...

LOL! I wish those church signs were real, but they still made me laugh.

And of course I "aww-ed" -- how could I not?

Your blog is a joy to read. It's one place I know I will always feel better after I visit. Thank you for that. :)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I was happy to feature you!
Those signs are hilarious. Free dog souls with conversion.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

LOL - I love those signs.

119 mph might make me nervous if I wasn't the one driving.

Stacy McKitrick said...

Those dog's eyes cracked me up!

Thanks for the funnies. :)

Robin said...

Battling church signs: hilarious.

I've heard that old joke before, but it was still funny.

That last bit of wisdom... motivating!

Maria Zannini said...

Love the church signs. Catholic or Presbyterian, in my eyes, all animals have souls.

Rocks, not so much.

LD Masterson said...

Rhonda - Yup. Someone was very clever.

Jenn - We writers know that as well as anyone.

Murees - He certainly is.

Hilary - Hey, it's good to see you again. Stop by any time.

Linda G. - It's my pleasure.

Alex - Thanks again.

Diane - Um, are you saying you drive at 119?

Stacy - You're welcome. Glad you liked them.

Robin - That's the nice thing about funnies. Sometimes the recycled ones are the best.

Maria - Well, of course they do. (Animals, not rocks.)

Maryann Miller said...

I loved the church sign war. St. Francis of Assisi thought animals had souls.

And the "we" picture was awesome, as was the thought for the day. Thanks!!

Patricia Stoltey said...

You always brighten my Wednesday! I loved the dueling church signs. I don't know about dogs, but I know Katie Cat has soul!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Love those old ladies. And great thought for the day.

Karen Lange said...

I love the church signs! They are hysterical. :) Thanks for the laughs today. :) Have a great rest of the week!

Arlee Bird said...

The old lady driver joke made me laugh out loud heartily. That was way too funny.

Arlee Bird
A to Z Challenge Co-host
Tossing It Out

Jemi Fraser said...

Those signs are great - photoshopped or not :)
LOVE the last sign - very, very true! Gotta add that to my classroom wall.

Kaye George said...

What a winner this week! Funny, I decided I wouldn't go to heaven when Tommy, the Catholic boy across the alley, told me that dogs and cats and horses wouldn't be there. He said they would go to limbo. I made limbo my goal from then on. Then Tommy wouldn't be there.

LD Masterson said...

Maryann - Well, who am I to argue with St. Francis?

Patricia - All cats go to heaven, too.

Susan G/K - Hey, we old ladies are a feisty bunch.

Karen - You, too. And thanks.

Lee - Come on, you remember the Little Old Lady From Pasadena.

Jemi - It's funny, I saw that last sign a couple days after I'd said the same thing to my granddaughter who had come in last in a track meet. I told her she'd come in ahead of the kids who haven't finished and way ahead of the ones who didn't even try.

Kaye - I can't remember who once said "If dogs don't go to heaven, I want to go wherever they are." And he wasn't even avoiding Tommy. said...

Yes, that was a big aw.
I like this positive spin on "dead last." It's also greater than dead.

Melanie Schulz said...

Those signs are hilarious! I was picturing them right across the road from each other.

Lexa Cain said...

Those church signs made me laugh! And the 22 vs 119 old lady story was great! So funny! The aww was adorable. <3

Thanks for dropping by my blog. Twitter is scaring me, but I'm determined to conquer the fear! Have a great week. :)

LD Masterson said...

Robyn - Oh, definitely greater than dead. Good point.

Melanie - I'd love a couple churches around here to get into something like that. Not likely to happen but wouldn't it be fun.

Lexa - I'll let you test the Twitter waters and let me know what you think.

Donna K. Weaver said...

Even if the battling church signs aren't real, I'm with the Catholic position. Love the last quote.

Julie Flanders said...

I wish these signs were real. I was honestly laughing out loud. Classic.

Love your thought for the day. Amen to that.

Sherry Ellis said...

Hahaha! The little old lady story is cracking me up! Maybe that's why the little old lady in my post was going so fast down the road. It was probably Route 200 or something. :)

Emily R. King said...

The battling church signs is HILARIOUS! It's the old way of having an instant messaging tiff. :)

LD Masterson said...

Donna - I don't know what the Catholic Church's stand is on dog's in heaven, but I'm sure mine are going to be there.

Julie - Agreed.

Sherry - Go Granny Go!

Emily - Works for me. I am old.

Mark Koopmans said...

Loved the old ladies joke.. and don't tell anyone... but I was once driving in empty Nevada and I was doing about 125 mph in my new Mustang... five mins later, I slowed down to 85... and THAT'S when I hit the speed trap... (phew:)

Mike Keyton said...

Those church signs fake, or not, are great. Mind you reality is not that far behind. In our local church some time ago a new priest decided to open a 'debate' by inviting parishioners to voice their thoughts on post-it notes on a corkboard. The following week two or three people advocated women priests. One person gave an emphatic response. There can't be women priests because Christ chose only men as his apostles. I stopped reading after that :)

Kaye George said...

Mike, you might suggest this book to those people:

Heather R. Holden said...

LOL, I remember seeing those battling church signs on Tumblr before. Priceless. XD

LD Masterson said...

Mark - I've very glad you didn't hit the speed trap or anything else doing 125! (I once overheard our son telling my husband that our old Camaro could still do 120 without even a shimmy. I didn't want to know how he knew that.)

Mike - It must be a lovely thing to be so sure you're right, no matter how wrong.

Kaye - Thanks for your response to Mike. Sadly, many people will only read what reinforces the view they already have.

Heather - Good thing I don't claim my funnies as originals, huh? LOL

Mike Keyton said...

Kaye, thanks for the link. It's something I'm familiar with which made that particular 'post it note' response so wonderfully tragic.

cleemckenzie said...

I keep sighing when I get the animal images. Then I say it. I'll admit it! Yes. Ah!

Empty Nest Insider said...

Another great little old lady joke! I decided to work backwards, and thought I'd read this before. Sorry that I got here so late, or should I say, "Dead Last!"


LD Masterson said...

C. Lee - Hey, we need a good "aw" in our day.

Julie - You're always welcome. Better late than never and all that.