Wednesday, July 17, 2013

I'm Back...With Your Hump Day Funnies

Happy Hump Day

I had a great time at the PSWA conference in Vegas - my thanks to all who wished me a good trip - and I've got lots of information to share BUT...

I left you to get through the week last week without your hump day boost and I can't do that again, so we'll save the conference report for Monday and here's your...

Happy Hump Day Funnies

This one just tickled me. I know exactly how she felt.

Here's a news piece you might like.

Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Caliber Pistol !
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an "itsy bitsy shooter" by a woman facing a fierce predator.

What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself? The 25 cal. Beretta Jetfire:

Here's her story:
"While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband, we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today! Just one shot to my husband's knee cap was all it took. The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. 
It's one of the best pistols in my collection."    
Hah! Didn't see that coming, did you? (Okay, maybe some of you did.)

Here's a problem for the ages.

Now you'll have that question stuck in your head.

Not all wives give up their beloved spouses to rampaging bears. Here a wife who came to her husband's rescue.

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy plank of wood and smacked him with it, breaking his arm in two places. 

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod.

 Okay, that's enough about domestic bliss. Time for your "aw". I know dogs and cats tend to dominate here but I couldn't resist this loving pair.

 You know you said it.

That's it. Did we do it? Are you over the hump and coasting toward the weekend? Did you have a favorite?

And since I got more "yes" than "no" votes on the riddles, here's a few more. Answers on Monday, as usual. Have a great weekend.

Riddles for Today:

1. In which battle did Napoleon die?

2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? 

3. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? 


nutschell said...

haha. Darn it you made me think about penguins and their knees.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Those were groaners!
I thought Napoleon died of old age?
And the Declaration was signed at the bottom!

Stacy McKitrick said...

Still laughing at the iPod one!

I'll be seeing some giraffes for real tomorrow! Doubt I'll get any cute pictures, though.

Michelle West said...

Hi LD - It was so nice meeting you and I am honored to be a part of your blog now. Thanks for the morning chuckles and I look forward to reading more.

Linda G. said...

Thanks for the giggles and the awww.

And the elephant question has me stumped.

Karen Walker said...

Hilarious, LD. And yes, I did say awww.

Eve said...


Tammy Theriault said...

I can lift a stuffed elephant with one hand easily!!!

Julie Luek said...

Oh what a fun post to make me smile. Good to have you back and glad you enjoyed your conference!

michelle said...

So do penguins have knees? I'm lazy to google it... let us know the answer in next week's post!
The "domestic bliss" jokes are the best!
Writer In Transit

Maria Zannini said...

I happened to have Greg on the phone when I was reading your post and I read him the story of the woman with the 25 cal.

He was not amused.


Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Enjoy the funnies today. Looking forward to hearing about the conference.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I love that bear story!

Can;t wait to hear about the conference.

mshatch said...

loved dear customer service - lol.

Robin said...

That was definitely an Awwww moment.

Jan Newman said...

Okay, I'm still laughing at the iPod one -- sick sense of humor, I admit. Oh, how I needed the belly laugh. I'll have to think about the elephant, but Napoleon died during his last battle, and the Declaration of Independence was signed at the bottom, right? ;) If penguins had knees, they wouldn't waddle like they do, so I don't think I'll stay awake over that one. The elephant, on the other hand . . . if I figure it out at 3 in the morning, I'll let you know.

Jemi Fraser said...

Love those - I laughed out loud at the bear one!! :)

I would assume the answers to the riddles are - his last one, on the dotted line and (maybe) if it's a toy or you're a very large human :)

LD Masterson said...

nutschell - Yeaah, and you're going to think about it when you're trying to sleep tonight. (hee hee)

Alex - Groaners? From me? Never!

Stacy - Enjoy you're giraffes (I'm guessing you're going to the zoo, yes?)

Michelle - I'm delighted to have you. Come back on Monday.

Linda G. - Ah, so now you have to come back on Monday.

Karen - Like you liked them.

Eve - I knew you said it.

Tammy - That may be true but it's not the answer.

Julie - Thanks. Good to be back.

michelle - Oh no, I'll post the answer to the riddles - for the penguins knees, you're on your own.

Maria - Husbands are so funny that way.

Susan - Thanks. I'll have some conference news up on Monday.

Diane - Standard Boy Scout training - when hiking in bear country, always pick a hiking partner you can outrun.

mshatch - Yeah, I want to send a letter like that.

Robin - I definitely got to me.

Jan - Okay, but if you let me know at 3:00 a.m., I won't answer right away.

Jemi - Good guesses but...

Lexa Cain said...

Loved the jokes and the giraffes were SO cute!
I think Napoleon lost the battle with old age. The Declaration was signed at the bottom. I'm thinking about the elephant one, but my old brain is stuck -- it must be the penguin knees distracting me! lol

Emily R. King said...

Great bear story! My father used to read us kids bear attack stories before bedtime. Good times. :) said...

You got a loud laugh out of me from that bear story. And now I'm envisioning a penguin with a bullet through its kneecap while this poor creature dancing to iPod tunes.

1) French revolution
2) Philadelphia
I know the two answers above are wrong because they make sense.
3) You can't. Elephants don't have hands.

Be well, LD. Thanks for the fun, as always.

Heather Holden said...

That customer service one is priceless, and relatable, too, since it'll often feel like talking to a brick wall with those people...

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Welcome back! I'm glad you enjoyed the conference, and I'm looking forward to hearing all about it.

LOVE the customer (non)service pic, and the elephant riddle was the only one that had me stumped, but I think that smarty Robyn nailed it. (The riddle, that is. Not the elephant.)

Heather Musk said...

These stories made me and my work colleagues laugh, especially the iPod one. Thanks!

And I think I know all the riddles this week!

Maryann Miller said...

The aw picture was great. I also loved the joke about the bear. Hope you had a great time at the conference. I would love to go to that one, but it has not been possible for me.

Julie Dao said...

I laughed at the two married couples stories. Poor husband listening to the iPod... and I definitely have the penguin knees question stuck in my head now.

Sarah Allen said...

Okay, yep, totally Awww'd :) And that pistol story is hilarious!

Sarah Allen
(From Sarah, with Joy)

Al Diaz said...

Once again you did make me chuckle. I didn't expect such aggressive wives, hahaha. Still thinking how you lift an elephant with one hand.

Mark Koopmans said...

I am *not* showing my wife this post.

No sir eeee :)

I'd like to also wish a Happy Thursday to both my healthy knees :)

Julie Flanders said...

Haha, love the shooter story. I'm pathetic because at first I was hesitant to read anything about a bear getting shot. But then when I realized it was the husband instead, no problem! Not sure what that says about me LOL.

Glad you had such a good time at the conference!

Donna K. Weaver said...

This is awesome. Once again you made me laugh out loud. And what an amazing story a brave woman.

Donna K. Weaver said...

This is awesome. Once again you made me laugh out loud. And what an amazing story a brave woman.

Tyrean Martinson said...

Awwwww. Love the giraffe love! That's my favorite! :)

Napoleon died of old age.
Signed at the bottom.
Elephants don't have hands.

I think those are how to answer those tricky questions, but I'm never sure.

Glad you had a good time at your conference!

Arlee Bird said...

The stories gave me a smile, but I didn't show them to my wife. Don't want to be giving her any ideas.

Tossing It Out

LD Masterson said...

Lexa - Yeah, those penguin knees are a serious distraction.

Emily - Did he teach you to hike with a partner you could outrun, just in case?

Robyn - Whoa, that's a mental image I didn't need. (Are you saying my riddle answers don't make perfect sense?)

Heather H. - Yeah, I'm going to write that letter someday.

Susan F.S. - Thanks. And let's hope Robyn didn't nail my poor elephant.

Heather M. - Laughter in the workplace? Horrors. Come by on Monday for the "official" riddle answers and see if you're right.

Maryann - Are you going to any conferences this year?

Julie - Ah, the evil penguin knees mind boggler.

Sarah - Glad you liked them.

Al - Are dragon wives not so aggressive?

Mark - Hmm, I don't suppose you'd like to give me her email address...

Julie - It's like me and mystery stories. Kill off all the people you want but don't you dare hurt a dog.

Donna - There was a brave woman? I'd better go back and read it again. *grin*

Tyrean - Hmm...interesting answers. Gotta find out if you're right on Monday. And thanks.

Lee - Chicken.

Carol Kilgore said...

Welcome back! Glad you had fun. I missed your funnies and riddles.

Loved the grizzly! And I think I know all the riddles. Not quite sure about the elephant, but I think I know.

Mike Keyton said...

Loved the Bear story too, Linda, Ref riddles unless we're talking of another napoleon he died in exile, but I'm not too sure that counts as a riddle, so could be missing something. The signing would be at the bottom of the page, and I've yet to see a one handed elephant - even in Wales.

Morgan said...

I love these posts of yours, LD! :-)

Mason Canyon said...

I'm running a bit late, but your hump day humor is delightful any day of the week. Thanks for the laughs. Looking forward to hearing about the PSWA conference. Have a great week.

Thoughts in Progress

LD Masterson said...

Carol - Thanks. Always nice to know you're missed.

Mike - Even in Wales?!?!

Morgan - Thanks!

Mason - For you, this was Happy Saturday. That works.

Emilyann Girdner said...

Hi LD,

The first funny was my favorite. "Typing with my middle finger!" Hahaha! I love it.

And the sweet giraffe's definitely sucked a giant "aaawwww" out of me.

Thanks for all these greats shares :)

Margo Kelly said...

Yes, I said "ah" to the cute giraffes. And I laughed at the woman typing with her middle finger. Thanks for the funnies! :)

LD Masterson said...

Emilyann - You're welcome. And thank you for coming by.

Margo - My pleasure.