Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Hump Day Funnies and More Riddles

Happy Hump Day

I'm running a bit late on everything this week. Blame Band Camp. My grandson's high school is holding their on-site (meaning at the school) band camp this week and I've been volunteering to help prepare and serve lunch and dinner (about three hours per meal). It's a lot of fun but sure plays havoc with my work schedule.

However, let's get to the important stuff...your hump day funnies.

I have no idea if this first one is fact or fiction but it's still funny.  I'm printing it here just as I received it in an e-mail. 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

            P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
            S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

            P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
            S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

            P: Something loose in cockpit
            S: Something tightened in cockpit

            P: Dead bugs on windshield.
            S: Live bugs on back-order.
            P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
            S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
            P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
            S: Evidence removed.
            P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
            S: DME volume set to more believable level.
            P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
            S: That's what friction locks are for.
            P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
            S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
            P: Suspected crack in windshield.
            S: Suspect you're right.
            P: Number 3 engine missing.
            S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
            P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
            S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
            P: Target radar hums.
            S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
            P: Mouse in cockpit.
            S: Cat installed.
            And the best one for last
            P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
            S: Took hammer away from the midget

I don't usually include videos because I know many readers are pressed for time but this one is delightful. Have you ever thought of an elephant "scampering"? Neither had I until I watched this.  There's a particularly tender moment between the baby's parents around the three minute mark.

Now we have a Pre-Nuptial Agreement - Senior Style
An elderly couple in their 70's were about to get married.
She said: I want to keep my house.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to keep my Cadillac.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said: Put me down for Fridays.

Hee hee hee.

Since the first one was a bit long, I'm going straight to your Hump Day Riddles. As always, the answers will be posted on Monday.

 1. The River Ravi flows in which state? 

2. What is the main reason for divorce?

3. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? 

The elephant video should probably take care of your "aw" for this week but just in case...

Aw, poor baby.

Okay, are we all good? Over the hump and on the way to the weekend. I hope so.
Did you have a favorite? Glad you don't fly UPS? Want to hug a baby elephant?

Good luck with the riddles. Have a great weekend and I'll see you on Monday.

Thought for the day:

He who hesitates is probably right.


Maria Zannini said...

Loved the gripe sheet. My favorite was "auto-land not installed".

PS With all this band camp volunteering, when do you have time to finish that editing? Hmm...

Karen Walker said...

The gripe sheet was hilarious. The elephant video - wow! Hubs and I are going to South Africa in September and I can't wait to get up close and personal with these magnificent creatures.

Mike Keyton said...

Elephant highlight of the week! Have posted it to my daughter in France. She's had an elephant soft-toy since a baby. It's with her now. It's called Heffy. And boy am I going to earn some good brownie points with this video. Thanks!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The ground crew's responses were hilarious.
The little elephant can really run.
1 - either constant or down
2 - marriage
3 - wet

Emilyann Girdner said...

I can't stop giggling. The gripe sheet made my day. Particularly the mouse in the cockpit, cat installed bit.

Thanks for sharing the great funnies :)

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I laughed so hard! Those were hysterical.

michelle said...

Too funny!
Thanks for the entertainment!
Writer In Transit

Julie Dao said...

The gripe sheet is AMAZING! I'm going to guess "liquid" for the first riddle. The second one has me stumped!

Liz Fichera said...

Oh, the cuteness of that video!!!!! Love it so much.

Linda G. said...

Love that video--too cute!

And the gripe sheet responses really got me giggling. Thanks! :)

LD Masterson said...

Maria - Um,'s only one week a year.

Karen - Fabulous. Please share lots of pictures.

Mike - I love to help someone earn brownie points.

Alex - Good answers. Not saying they're correct, but good answers.

Emilyann - My pleasure.

Diane - Glad you enjoyed them.

michelle - You're welcome.

Julie - Keep thinking about it. You'll get it. (Or I'll give you the answer on Monday.)

Liz - He was a special little guy.

LD Masterson said...

Linda G. - You snuck in while I was answering the others. Now you have to give us a baby camel vid.

Jemi Fraser said...

Those gripe sheet responses are awesome! I think I'd like to work with some of those people! :)

Love the elephants!!!

Clarissa Draper said...

No idea about the riddles but loved the 70s joke!

James Garcia Jr. said...

Hey, L.D. *big waves*
How are you? I'm sorry I've been away so long. Big book tour this month. I hope to be a more regular visitor in August.
Thanks for sharing, especially the video. Very cute. Band camp, huh? My youngest starts his soon, too. Both my boys are band kids, so I totally relate. Take care.


Heather Musk said...

Loved today's funnies, thanks very much! My favourite was 'That's what friction locks are for.'

I think I've got two out of the three riddles for this week.

Heather Holden said...

Aw, what an adorable baby elephant!

Lydia Kang said...

Your posts are so entertaining! I kept snickering throughout the whole thing...

Donna K. Weaver said...


mooderino said...

Nice vid of the baby elephant.


Robin said...

The gripe sheet very funny. I kinda sorta doubt it was true, but still very funny.

The elephant video was adorable. It makes a person want to adopt an elephant family, no? That was TOO CUTE.

LD Masterson said...

Jemi - Better than some of the old grouches I used to work with.

Clarissa - Yup, that's us old folks.

James - *big waves back* Good to see you here again. Have fun with band season. We band (grand)parents know when the kids are in band, the whole family is in band.

Heather M. - Which two do you think you have?

Heather H. - Yeah, he was a cutie.

Lydia - I'm glad. That's what they're for.

Donna - ty

Mood - Glad you liked it.

Robin - It was a little scary to think it might be true. And, yes, TOO CUTE.

Julie Flanders said...

I love this video so much!! Like Robin I want to adopt an elephant family now too. :)

Patricia Stoltey said...

Loved all of these, even though I read them on Thursday instead of Wednesday. :D said...

I never before thought of an elephant as cute, but that one really is.

I love guessing your riddles, so here goes:
1) None. It flows through India.
2) to end a marriage.
3) sunk.

That sweet kitty is well worth another AW!

Happy weekend, LD.

Tara Tyler said...

left me rolling with the pilot/mechanic banter!
and double aww!

thanks robyn, for answering the riddles, i was too tired!

Sarah Allen said...

Oh my word that elephant...and the cat!!! Another great post :)

Sarah Allen
(From Sarah, with Joy)

LD Masterson said...

Julie - How big is your yard? *grin*

Patricia - Feel free to drop by any time.

Robyn - I'm doing my Monday post next. Come by for the official answers.

Tara - You trust Robyn's answers?!?!

Sarah - Thanks Like you liked it.