Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Funnies and Riddles for Hump Day

Happy Hump Day

Good morning. Are you ready for your weekly funnies to help you over the hump and on the way to the weekend? Well, let's go.

Looking for some goodies for today's post, I came across a page of Haiku poems I received in my former life as an IT manager. I think we can relate to a few of these.

Chaos reigns within.
     Reflect, repent, and reboot.
     Order shall return.

With searching comes loss
     and the presence of absence:
     "My Novel" not found.

Three things are certain:
     Death, taxes, and lost data.
     Guess which has occurred.

Let me know if you like these and I'll toss in a couple more next week.

This picture just cracked me up.

How about a joke?

Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday.  On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So, when Bubba's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake where Bubba stepped out of the boat ... And nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.  Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother.

'Grandma,' he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my pappy, his pappy, and his pappy before him?'

Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said, 'Because your father, your grandfather, and your great grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you idiot.

Did you see it coming?

This video may be lost on my younger readers but some of you will have the memories to really appreciate it. This is a clip of screen legend James Cagney and Bob Hope - comedian, TV and movie star, and hero to generations of US service men and woman. When this was filmed, Hope was 52 and Cagney was 56.

Ah, thanks for the memories, guys.

I didn't forget your "aw" moment.  This one's a little different but it got an "aw" from me.

Did it work for you?

Okay - now for what you've all been waiting for. Or some of you? A couple of you?

Here are this week's riddles.

1. What can you never eat for breakfast?

2. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? 

3. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? 

 Good luck.
 That's it. Hope this got you over the hump. Have a great weekend and I'll see you on Monday.

Thought for the Day:

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..



Maryann Miller said...

First, I want to let you know that you are one of the winners of an ARC of Stalking Season, or an e-book of your choice from the contest on my blog last week. Contact me at maryann (at) to let me know which book you would like and where to send it.

Now I will try to answer the riddle questions.

Number one: You can't eat dinner for breakfast. Although sometimes cold pizza tastes good.

Number two: You have a whole lot of fruit.

Number three: The wall is already built, so the four guys get to go have a beer.

And thanks for the clip. I love that movie and loved the dancing.

Stacy McKitrick said...

Riddles have riddled me, although I think the answer to #2 is: two big hands!

I did see the joke coming, though!

Clip was fun. Thanks!

Vanessa Morgan said...

Thanks. You brought a smile to my face.

Elizabeth Seckman said...

I'm old enough to appreciate Bob Hope!

Funny stuff. I've never been a wiz at riddles, but I'll take a few guesses...lunch; a mess on the floor; and twenty.

Didn't see the punchline coming and loved the thought of the right you are!!

Linda G. said...

Awww. Also, still giggling at the walking on water story.

Riddles: 1. Lunch or dinner. 2. Big hands! 3. time at all, since it's already built? *grin*

mooderino said...

Nice clip. Love the old Hollywood musicals and dance movies.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Frozen lake - funny!
For the second riddle, I'd say the answer is that you have really big hands.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

I see answers have already been given for the riddles, and since I don't have anything different to suggest, I'll stay mum on them.

I LOVE the two old ladies and the tea. I can imagine my best pal and me doing that.

Thanks for the laughs and the memories...

L. Diane Wolfe said...

"My Novel" not found. That is always scary.

And that puppy is so tiny!

Robin said...

Funny joke. Frozen lake. Hahaha.

I really enjoyed the video. It was new to me, but it makes me realize that it is something we simply don't see anymore. Loved it!!!

farawayeyes said...

Love that video of those two old 'hoofers'. too bad they each are remembered for other things than their dancing. Seems to me they each were as good as Astair and Kelly, just in a different way.

Gee, I wish I had a grandson...

I gotta come by on Wednesday's more.

mshatch said...

I'll have some of that tea, thanks :)

And yup, I saw that one coming, lol.

LD Masterson said...

Maryann - Woo woo. I'm a winner! I'll e-mail you later today. And good answers on the riddles. Maybe not the official answers but good tries.

Stacy - I usually see punchlines coming but that one got me.

Vanessa - My pleasure.

Elizabeth - It saddens me to think so many young people will never know who he was or what he did for this country.

Linda G. - Whoa, I can't give out the official answers till Monday but you really had your thinking cap on today.

mood - They're my favorites.

Alex - Aw, I thought that one would stump more people. Not to say you're correct or anything like that - that would be telling.

Susan F.S. - I have a tea drinking buddy that would work well for that picture, too. And you're welcome.

Diane - I have all my important writing files backed up at least four different places. I've seen too many system crashes.

Robin - They just don't make 'em like that anymore.

farawayeyes - Cagney, a wonderful song and dance man, will probably always be remembered for his great gangster movies. Bob Hope will be best remembered for his work with the USO, and I think he'd like that. (I have a grandson and I'd better not find any funny tea in his room.)

mshatch - Come on over, I'll pour you a cup. Oops. Sorry. Drank it all.

Julie Luek said...

I definitely got an "awww" moment from the picture. I love dog-dogs (as you know). And that joke was a groaner. You always pick ones that make me groan but then I have to share.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

I loved the picture of the Grammies having their tea. Thanks for giving me a laugh.

Donna K. Weaver said...

Made me laugh. Again! Cagney created his own dancing. Made it up. He wasn't traditionally trained.

Maria Zannini said...

You know if you offered me tea like that, I might drink it. ;-)

Re: Cagney and Hope
I still don't have sound on my pc, but I still enjoyed the video. They were amazing performers.

Julie Dao said...

Hahaha I totally did not see the frozen lake punchline coming! And I definitely said "Aww" at the picture of the big dog and the little dog.

Heather Musk said...

I enjoyed the haiku and the joke made me chuckle.

I think I know two of this weeks riddles, but I won't share yet while others are guessing. said...

Bob Hope's dancing has my mouth wide open. I didn't even know he was a dancer, much less a phenomenal one.

Riddle attempts:
1) dinner
2) full hands
3) no time. It's already been built.

Be well, LD.


Pk Hrezo said...

LOL... love that thought for the day. I think those ladies in the pic found some mushroom tea. ;)

Mike Keyton said...

So much good stuff here. No, I never saw the punch line coming and I've passed on the joke. Thank you too for the Bob Hope and Cagney clip. We grew up on those two on our small black and white TV.

nutschell said...

oh my gosh the grandmas definitely gave me a laugh!

Heather Holden said...

Aww! As a dog-lover, I can't help but be overwhelmed by the cuteness of today's "aw" moment!

LD Masterson said...

Julie L. - Please do share. Spread the giggles and groans.

Susan G/K - My pleasure.

Donna - He was one of a kind in many ways.

Maria - Come on up, I might offer it. Save this page and come back to it when you have sound. It's worth it.

Julie D. - Gotcha twice.

Heather M - Hey, you're the fist one to mention the haiku. I'm glad someone liked them.

Robyn - Hope started out as a song and dance man back in Vaudeville. Good riddle answers. But you have to come back on Monday to see if they're right.

Pk - Well, I'm pretty sure it wasn't Lipton. *grin*

Mike - I first saw them both on a little B&W TV, as well.

nutschell - Hey, no laughing at us old ladies.

Heather H. - Yeah, it got me, too.

Misha Gericke said...

Yeah... your Haiku reminds me of me. Spent the past two weeks trying to return my computer to normal after its start-up process was corrupted. >_<

It's past bed time for me, so my riddle answers might suck:

1) Lunch or dinner
2) Huge hands
3) No time at all. The wall's done.

Eve said...

Haha! Thanks for this LD! Always entertaining. I love any old song and dance movies. I won't guess the riddles as so many already have. Now I feel good enough to slide into the weekend after seeing the picture...awwwww!

Tara Tyler said...

great funnies! love the smiles and laughs =) and im onto your riddles, its a matter of perspective!

LD Masterson said...

Misha - Hope your computer is all better.

Eve - Glad I helped you over the hump.

Tara - Aw, you figured me out.