Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Looking Ahead to Christmas on Hump Day.

Happy Hump Day

I don't know about you, but this time of year I'm not trying to get over the midweek hump to get to the weekend faster - I'm trying to stretch the week out as long as possible to get all my Christmas preparations done.

Every year I have great plans to get a jump on things. Shopping in done in October.  Christmas letter and cards started in November. All the decorations up on Thanksgiving weekend.

It's not really my fault. I've been badgering the kids (both generations) to give me their wish lists for weeks. And if I write the Christmas letter too early, something wonderful might happen after I'm done that won't get included.  And, of course, there's that painstaking process of making sure both sons' families get equal space (in pictures and in text) so neither can pull the "you like him best" routine.  Yes, I know they only do it to make me crazy, but it always works.

So since I'm in a Christmas frame of mind, I'm going with a Christmas theme today. Some of these have been making the rounds for years but even so, they still make me laugh. Hopefully, they'll work for you, too.

The Politically Correct Twelve Days

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me...
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note)
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration. 
[NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.] 
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE deconstructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Merry Christmas. Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Oh, heck!  Happy Holidays!!!! *
*Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.

The "enslaved Bovine-Americans" cracked me up.

I think most everyone has seen some version of this video but I still love it. Take a couple minutes and enjoy:
The Silent Monks performing the Hallelujah Chorus.

Running a little long already so how about we just add in a little mischief.  Grab this and go get someone.

Oh, don't worry - I didn't forget your "aw".  In fact, I couldn't decide on one picture today so you get two.

This one just felt Christmassy to me. Must be the lamb.

This one reminded me of all the dogs who have been part of our family, and who made and kept this promise so well. 

By the way, I'll be posting twice this week. I'm joining in Lexa Cain's and Julie Flander's Destination Blog Hop.

My plan is to post on Friday. Please stop by.

Okay, that's it. Hope we got you over the hump - if you were trying to get there - or at least gave you a short break from the holiday stress.  Did you have a favorite?

Quote for Today:

Christmas Shopping: Wouldn't it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn't have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in "Gift certificate for a flu shot."  ~ Erma Bombeck


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The Twelve Days was hilarious!! I am still laughing...

Julie Flanders said...

I hadn't seen that video before so I'm glad you shared it! And I love the 12 Days. :D

Thanks for sharing about our hop!

Robin said...

Absolutely loved The Silent Monks and their Hallelujah Chorus. Might have to steal that one!!!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Thanks for the song. It's not quite as catchy as the original. I'm only a little ahead of where I usually am this time of year.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I could sing if I could do it like those silent monks! I think the 12 Days made me snort. Good thing I wasn't drinking anything at the time.

Michelle Wallace said...

I love the Hallelujah chorus and the monks were out-of-this-world fab! Even used their toes... really cool!
Thanks for sharing this heart-warming video.
And the mischief reminded me of when you're young and play these games... pass it on and nix...
Writer In Transit

Heather Holden said...

Both those "aw" pics definitely left me aw-ing heaps--no wonder you couldn't resist sharing two this week!

Jemi Fraser said...

Those 12 days are awesome!!! And those monks always make me smile too :)

Emilyann Girdner said...

I had never seen the silent Monk video before. It was great! =) Also loved the "aw" pictures. The lamb and dog really got me.

Thanks for sharing =)

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Lotsa fun stuff, but my favorite has to be the monks. Seeya at the blog hop!

Lexa Cain said...

I loved the "enslaved Bovine-Americans" too! And the "tree carcasses" were funny. All-in-all, the silliest 12 days of Christmas ever! I loved the "aww" - it's definitely that cute little lamb. :-)

mooderino said...

The 12 days was very funny. Domestic incarceration should be the official title for marriage, make people think twice before jumping into it.

Moody Writing

Cate Masters said...

Hadn't seen that video - it was great.
Hope your holidays are happy (and stress free).

Julie Dao said...

It is my FAVORITE time of year! Wishing you a very merry Christmas :)

Sherry Ellis said...

I've seen the Hallelujah Chorus before. It's too funny!

LD Masterson said...

Alex - That's what it did to me, so I had to share.

Julie - Looking forward to the blog hop.

Robin - Please do. Laughs are meant to be shared.

Susan G/K - A little AHEAD? I'm green with envy.

Diane - I should put a "no drinking while reading" warning on some funnies.

Michelle - There's one version of that video taken from the side and you can make out a couple figures lying flat on tummies with their arms extended under the other "monk" to flip up the lower cards.

Heather - Two "aw"s for the price of one. Such a deal.

Jemi - An annual giggle.

Emilyann - Hey, I got to be the one to introduce you to the Silent Monks. Cool.

Susan F.S. - See you there.

Lexa - Yeah, he got to me, too.

Mood - Um, are you married?

Cate - I'm glad I introduced you to it. And thank you.

Julie - Mine, too. I just make myself crazy trying to do EVERYTHING!

Sherry - Yup. Gets me every time.

Arlee Bird said...

I know about the Christmas frenzy. Not doing gifts or cards this year--same as the prior few years. Instead planning another epic road trip all across the country to visit family.

Glad you're keeping in the spirit of things here on your blog.

Tossing It Out

Emily R. King said...

A flu shot. Ha!

I love this time of year, too. Thanks for the laughs!

Maria Zannini said...

Leave it to Erma to find the perfect gift.

Love the dog and baby picture.

Michael Di Gesu said...


You really make my Wednesday's LD… Thanks for the laughs AND the two AW moments….

Happy holidays to you TOO...

LD Masterson said...

Lee - I like the idea of a road trip to visit family but most of mine (including all the grandkids) are here. Hope your trip is a great one.

Emily - You're welcome, as always.

Maria - Pulled on your heartstrings, didn't it?

Michael - I love making someone's Wednesday. Thanks.

Mike Keyton said...

All my presents are bought, wrapped up and hidden, but, as always I'm putting off the Christmas cards. I hate writing them. I often finish a bottle of wine in the process, so the last ones tend to receive a weird message with their card. If I was ever rich enough I'd have a PA to do them for me.
Grumble over.
Have a great Christmas, Linda.

Kimberly Gabriel said...

Twelve days of Christmas cracked me up too....and you did get two "awws" out of me. ;)

Clotee S said...

Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for a Happy New Year!
Bring you Good wishes of happiness.

Sorry for greeting you earlier,, just don't want miss saying this.
By the way, I'm clotee. It's my first time visiting your blog. I am blogger too, and now try my best luck to open an e-store. Nice to know you.