Happy Hump Day
I don't know about you, but this time of year I'm not trying to get over the midweek hump to get to the weekend faster - I'm trying to stretch the week out as long as possible to get all my Christmas preparations done.
Every year I have great plans to get a jump on things. Shopping in done in October. Christmas letter and cards started in November. All the decorations up on Thanksgiving weekend.
It's not really my fault. I've been badgering the kids (both generations) to give me their wish lists for weeks. And if I write the Christmas letter too early, something wonderful might happen after I'm done that won't get included. And, of course, there's that painstaking process of making sure both sons' families get equal space (in pictures and in text) so neither can pull the "you like him best" routine. Yes, I know they only do it to make me crazy, but it always works.
So since I'm in a Christmas frame of mind, I'm going with a Christmas theme today. Some of these have been making the rounds for years but even so, they still make me laugh. Hopefully, they'll work for you, too.
The Politically Correct Twelve Days
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically
imposed midwinter festival, my
Significant Other in a consenting adult,
monogamous relationship gave to me...
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner
warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member
pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity
Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not
be asked to play a note)
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned
scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic
self-expression
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female
persons stealing milk-products
from enslaved Bovine-Americans
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on
federally protected wetlands
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing
stolen non-human animal products
FIVE golden symbols of culturally
sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration.
[NOTE: after members of the Animal
Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer,
the calling birds, hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native
habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift
package has been revised.]
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE deconstructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on
recycled processed tree carcasses
and
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an
old-growth pear tree.
Merry Christmas. Happy Chanukah. Good
Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Oh, heck! Happy Holidays!!!! *
*Unless, of course, you are suffering from
Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute
this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a
thoroughly adequate day.
The "enslaved Bovine-Americans" cracked me up.
I think most everyone has seen some version of this video but I still love it. Take a couple minutes and enjoy:
The Silent Monks performing the Hallelujah Chorus.
Running a little long already so how about we just add in a little mischief. Grab this and go get someone.
Oh, don't worry - I didn't forget your "aw". In fact, I couldn't decide on one picture today so you get two.
This one just felt Christmassy to me. Must be the lamb.
This one reminded me of all the dogs who have been part of our family, and who made and kept this promise so well.
My plan is to post on Friday. Please stop by.
Okay, that's it. Hope we got you over the hump - if you were trying
to get there - or at least gave you a short break from the holiday
stress. Did you have a favorite?
Quote for Today:
Christmas
Shopping: Wouldn't it
be wonderful to find one gift that you didn't have to dust, that had to
be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and
would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in "Gift
certificate for a flu shot." ~ Erma
Bombeck
