Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Hump Day Groans and Giggles

Happy Hump Day

Hey, I'm doing better this week. I actually got my Hump Day post up before noon. Maybe there's hope for me getting back on schedule.  But I know you're waiting for your hump day funnies, so let's get right to it...

This just made me laugh.

Ready for a joke?

There was a house painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

One summer the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

He set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, buying the paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint
from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:

"Oh God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.

(you're going to love this)
"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

Be honest now...did you see it coming?

Should I be repenting for telling that joke?

Here's something I can relate to.

Yup, there went that New Year's resolution.

This one didn't really get me until I looked at the cat's eyes.

Zombie kitties!!!!
How about a couple questions to ponder?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he naked or homeless?

Can you cry under water?

The "aw" in this picture may not jump right out at you but look at that dog's face.

 Can't you just hear the sigh of contentment?
Okay, are we there yet?  Over the hump? Coasting to the weekend?
Good, 'cause I'm out of groaners funnies for today.
Since we have five Wednesdays this month, I think I'll do something different for my post next week. I'm not sure what but I hope you'll come by and check it out.  Have a wonderful week.
Quote for today:
Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.  - Meg Chittenden


mooderino said...

With cats and zombies so popular on the internet I'm amazed there isn't a zombie kittie craze in the book world.

Moody Writing

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Repaint and thin no more - terrible!
That first one is how I feel about going outside.

Heather Musk said...

Brilliant quote to finish off!

The turtle dilemma has caused quite the discussion in my office, he he.

Stacy McKitrick said...

Thanks for the smiles! :)

Linda G. said...

Love that quote!

Thanks for the LOLs & awws. Your Wednesday posts always make me smile. :)

LD Masterson said...

mood - Hmm, maybe we've found an untapped market.

Alex - Not a nature buff? (Yeah, it was terrible.)

Heather - Has your office come up with an answer?

Stacy - My pleasure.

Linda G. - I'm glad.

A. B. said...

I'm not usually a big fan of pugs, but that's guy's face is pretty dang cute.

And as a girl who grew up on a farm, yes... you did step in cow poop. And it is as gross as you think. ;)

Robin said...

Okay, that joke was a groaner, but I still chuckled.

Loved the Quote for today!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Have to share the painter one with my hubby who is currently out somewhere painting someone's kitchen.

Mike Keyton said...

Thanks so much for the repaint joke. This will be told in the pub next week

Cate Masters said...

Definitely a creepy zombie cat, lol. Love Meg Chittenden's quote. :)

Maria Zannini said...

Okay. You know where I live. It's always poop.

I look just like that first cat before I come into the house.

Re: groaners
You're starting again. So early in the year?


Jemi Fraser said...

Love the Repaint!! :)
And that pup is a total awwww! Hope the rest of the week is kind to you :)

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Nope, I did NOT see that punch line coming. "Repaint and thing no more!" My kinda corn.

Love the puppy face and the quote from Meg Chittenden. Yep, another super hump day post!

Take care.

Jan Newman said...

Who knew the Almighty has a lisp? Thanks for smiles on a perfectly awful day.

Carol Kilgore said...

Love the cow pattie kitty!

Lexa Cain said...

I loved all of these, especially the cat-in-the-cow-pasture. I didn't see the "punny" paint joke coming at all. All very good - thanks so much for the hump day laughs! :)

LD Masterson said...

A.B. - I've never lived on a farm but I remember marching band in high school. We were always positioned after the horses in every parade. 'Nuff said?

Robin - Sorry about the groaner. I've slipped back into bad habits. *grin*

Susan G/K - Hopefully with unthinned paint.

Mike - Excellent. I hope you get lots of laughs with it.

Cate - Thanks, I thought it was a great quote.

Maria - You don't look like that cat at all. You're taller. *heeheehee* Sorry about the groaner. It just slipped out.

Jemi - Thanks, and to you, too.

Susan F.S. - Will you stand by me against the groaner police? I fear they're coming after me.

Jan - I'm sorry your day was awful. Hope this brightened it a bit.

Carol - Glad you liked it.

Lexa - You're very welcome.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

LOL! I wake up to a zombie cat every day.

mshatch said...

Groaners, yes, but they still made me smile :)

M. K. Theodoratus said...

Puns are meant to be "groaners", but I haven't thanked you for all the chuckles you've given me lately. So know I read you even when I don't comment.

LD Masterson said...

Diane - Um, do you mean you have a zombie cat you have to wake up or you are a zombie cat in the morning? Kinda scary either way. *grin*

mshatch - That's what they're there for.

M.K. - Good to know. Feel free to just say hi when you have a chance.

Heather Holden said...

Zombie kitties?! They'd take over the world, for sure!

Crystal Collier said...

Repaint. Hah! Oh my. The cat/nature hater is my favorite. (Even though I'm a HUGE nature lover.)

Here's to people who hear voices and trap them in electronic pages!

Emilyann Girdner said...

Oh man, the first picture is my favorite. Cats are so funny! I love how prissy they look and they act like everything around them is gross, but we all know they lick their own bottoms. Oh, the irony. Haha!

LD Masterson said...

Heather - Kinda scary, huh?

Crystal - Yup. Here's to us.

Emilyann - And then hack up a hairball. Talk about gross.

Sarah Allen said...

Haha :) Oh, I relate to that cat on a spiritual level :D

Sarah Allen
(From Sarah, With Joy)

Kittie Howard said...

Okay, I'll admit it: I loved your painter's 'repaint' joke! In fact, your entire post had me smiling! THANKS!

LD Masterson said...

Sarah - As deep as that?

Kittie - My pleasure.