Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Hump Day and Car Thieves

Happy Hump Day
I'm having a strange week. So much so that I'm going to tell you how it began as your first hump day funny.

Monday morning I get in my car, put the key in the ignition, and turn it to start the engine. Nothing. The dash displays are on and so is the XM radio, but no engine. Then I notice the message on the dash info system: "KEY NOT ACCEPTED".

Huh? I remove the key and try again. Same thing. I get out of the car and try the various buttons on the key - you know, lock, unlock. Nope they're not working either. Okay. I decide the battery inside the key must be dead so I go back inside, get my spare key, and start over. With the same results. "KEY NOT ACCEPTED".

Picture this now: I have somewhere I need to be. I'm in my own garage, sitting in my own car, using my own key, and I can't go anywhere because my stupid car thinks I'm a car thief!
I'm not going to share any of the things I said that morning, but it wasn't pretty.

So I'm carless this week, which makes me crazy, especially because I couldn't get to the bookstore yesterday to pick up my copy of Pearls and Poison, the new release by a favorite author of mine, Duffy Brown.

Pearls and Poison is the latest in the Consignment Shop Mysteries series. I loved the first two, Iced Chiffon and Killer in Crinolines. Can't wait to read Pearls and Poison. I highly recommend you check out all three.

Okay, I've got a joke for you. It's a tad long for a hump day post but I thought it was funny.

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer . He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One's in Arizona, the other's in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine. It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.

Hasn't affected my brothers though."

Here's someone who found some fun in this too long and snowy winter.

I'm running long today so let's cut to your weekly "aw". You're going to love this one.

Admit it. You know you said it. 

That's it. Hope this got you over the hump and on the way to a great weekend. Did you have a favorite?

In case you're wondering, it was the anti-theft module in my car that failed. I'm waiting now for the new one (on order) to be installed.

Quote for Today:

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~ Douglas Adams.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The drinking one is great!
Sorry your car thought you were a thief. I think that's where technology has gone just a little too far.

Maria Zannini said...

I'm sorry about your car. I hope it gets fixed soon.

The cowboy joke is great! I'm passing that one on to Greg.

And I really like that Pearls and Poison cover. But it could be the dog who nails it. :)

Murees Dupé said...

The joke was really funny, thank you for sharing. I hope your car gets sorted out really soon. Wishing you the best.

Murees Dupé said...

I meant to say the cowboy joke was funny. You having car trouble wasn't funny at all. Hope things clear up for you soon.

Julie Flanders said...

I did say it! :D I'm really sorry about your car, how frustrating. I could imagine myself in the same situation and would be going nuts for sure.

Carol Kilgore said...

Cars are just too darn smart for their own good these days.

LD Masterson said...

Alex - Agreed. On both.

Maria - I hope Greg likes it. And isn't always a dog that nails it.

Murees - Well, I was trying to make them both funny. Might as well laugh about these things, right?

Julie - I knew you would (say it).

Carol - No, unfortunately, they only think they are.

Lexa Cain said...

That's awful about your car. I hate to come off as a reactionary, but cars are getting a lot harder to take care of since fuel injection, etc. More computerized stuff means more things to go wrong -- but every car has them. What're you going to do?

Loved the joke ad the "Aw" -- do cute! -- good luck getting your car fixed.

Julie Luek said...

I loved the joke. Got an audible chuckle out of me!

Oh and feel your frustration with the car. I always hope someone WILL steal my car. It's a piece of ugly carnage, but it works. So I keep it.

Thanks for the laughter and the awwws.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Crazy car stuff. Love the cowboy joke.

Tyrean Martinson said...

Oooh. I commiserate with you over the anti-theft failure . . . funny, but all too close to home.

And the cowboy whose brothers didn't stop drinking . . . hilarious!! Loved it!

And aww. :)

Linda G. said...

LOL! And awww. Also, hope you get your key problem figured out. :)

Mason Canyon said...

Hope it doesn't take long to get your car running again. Loved the cowboy joke!

Heather Musk said...

Loved the cowboy joke, cheered me up nicely on a tiresome morning.

One of my favourite quotes too x

Stacy McKitrick said...

Laughed at the cowboy joke. Kind of laughed at your story, too (because I assumed that's the response you wanted!). Sorry it happened, though (although I first thought that maybe you had just gotten into the wrong car--I've heard of people doing that!). At least now if it happens to me I'll know WHY. So see, you've done a good deed.

Donna K. Weaver said...

That's crazy about your key. And I'll be it's not cheap to fix. Ugh

Robin said...

First that joke: Hilarious.

Quote of the day: Made me laugh.

The cat: Got the Aw.

Your story reminded me of this substitute teacher that we had in junior high school. She was an older lady and could have easily been steamrolled by the kids. I watched many a sub lose control of the classroom there. But not her. She told stories for the entire period. This lady was a stand up comic. They were so funny that she had everyone's attention. She didn't have to constantly tell the troublemakers to Shut Up. No sir. One story I vividly remember is when she locked herself out of the car, in the winter, with the car running. No cell phones then. No way to get in the house to call anyone. She had to go knocking on her neighbor's doors until she found someone home. Then she called the locksmith. I can't remember if her car ran out of gas before he got there. The fact that I remember that story AT ALL indicates how funny this lady was. She was freakin' hilarious.

I tell you this so that you know it could have been worse. You could have locked yourself out in the bitter cold, with the car running, and before cell phones. Woohoo.

LD Masterson said...

Lexa - I miss the old days, when a lot of car maintenance and minor repair could be done at home.

Julie - We had a car one time that we left unlocked a lot. Maybe even left the keys in it once or twice. No takers.

Susan G/K - Glad you liked it.

Tyrean - The whole thing will seem funnier after I get my car back. Oh, and the pay in my wallet subsides.

Linda G. - Sadly, I guessed correctly on what the problem was. Just didn't know it would be such a pain to get fixed.

Mason - I'm glad. That one just struck me funny.

Heather - Hope your tiresome morning has turned into a better day.

Stacy - Yeah, I was trying for a laugh. Better than crying or cursing. (Okay, I did a little of the latter.)

Donna - Sadly, you're correct.

Robin - What makes you think I haven't done that?

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I would've come unglued if my car did that.

The faces on the cars is really cute.

Nicki Elson said...

Bowties ARE cool.

Sure, its a hassle to not have use of your car, but hey, you got a Humpday funny out of it, eh? Here's wishing you your car back in service very, very soon.

mshatch said...

Love your hump days; they always make me smile! And what a stupid car!

Mike Keyton said...

That cowboy thinks like I do. Reassuring isn't it : )

Laura Marcella said...

Lol, good joke! I'm glad you got your key fob fixed. Remember the old days when you just had a plain key to manually unlock the door and lock it and start your car? Sometimes technology makes things harder!

Happy reading and writing! from Laura Marcella @ Wavy Lines

Stephen Tremp said...

Awwwwwwww! There, I said it.

Jemi Fraser said...

Love the beer one! But the cat is definitely the best! :)

farawayeyes said...

I love your 'hump day' posts, they are hilarious, but I have to admit I was having a hard time concentrating on those cowboys, because I kept wondering what the heck was the deal with your car. Thanks for clearing that up. What a bummer!

LD Masterson said...

Diane - I did. But I'm stuck back together pretty well now.

Nicki - Thanks.

mshatch - Stupid, indeed.

Mike - Yup.

Laura - Most of the time technology makes things harder.

Stephen - I knew you would.

Jemi - Isn't he? So cute.

farawayeyes - The real bummer came later. Those anti-theft modules are expensive!

Tammy Theriault said...

crappy morning, and you cuss or say something not so sweet??? pffft hog wash!

Arlee Bird said...

All the bells and whistles on cars nowadays can be pretty cool. But they can be a real curse when they go awry. I never realized the extent to which computers control our cars until I had problems getting my 1997 van to pass the CA smog check. Such a hassle. Finally passed after a few repairs. Now I'v got a newer van with even more computers on it. Love it, but it worries me too.

An A to Z Co-Host
Tossing It Out

Mark Koopmans said...

Ha! It was probably a Yankees fan who installed the original anti-theft thingie :)

LOVED the drinking story (but heard it before... in Ireland it's a true story :)~

PS... Go Angels - Beat Red Sox :)

Mark Means said...

Goes to show you, the more technology we have, the more it can rebel against us! :) Hope you got it all figured out and the rest of the Hump Day wasn't that bad :)

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

I take it you have a smart car, huh? (Or a smartASS car...) I don't blame you for dropping some colorful language when your car was being such a jerk. I hope it gets fixed soon.

Love the joke! Have a super weekend.

Al Diaz said...

I really like the cowboy joke. Gonna tell it to my dwarves!

LD Masterson said...

Tammy - Um, "hog wash" wasn't one of the things I said. *grin*

Lee - Remember when you could do most car maintenance and simple repairs yourself? Sigh.

Mark K. - That's it! Those damn Yankees. And show some respect. You mean the World Series Champion Red Sox. (Sorry Angels.)

Mark M. - Yup. We're captives to our own technology.

Susan F.S. - I think a car that doesn't recognize the person who feeds, washes, and takes care of it loses the right to be called smart.

Al - I hope the dwarves are amused. said...

That sweet little one in a bowtie's my favorite. Thank you, LD.

Happy Friday!


Cate Masters said...

Being carless always makes me crazy too. Hope it's fixed soon!

Heather Holden said...

Yikes, sorry your car was being such a pain!

And that kitty is totally rocking that bowtie... ;)

LD Masterson said...

Robyn - Gotta love him.

Cate - Thanks. I got it back today. Happy camper here.

Heather - Yeah, he's stylin'.

Michelle Wallace said...

Those book titles caught my eye... really original... and pretty on the ear!
Pearls and Poison... Iced Chiffon... Killer in Crinolines - how cute is that?
... the Bowtie one stole the show!
Writer In Transit

LD Masterson said...

Michelle - It's a fun mystery series. I recommend it.

Julie Dao said...

I hope you figured out your car issue! And I love the cowboy drinking joke.

LD Masterson said...

Julie - Yup, all fixed. Now the car is good and the wallet's hurting.

Crystal Collier said...

LOL. He quit drinking... Oh my. Love those snowy cars, and I'm sorry about your car travesdy. I'm inclined to stick with the old school vehicles just for that reason. Sending cheese your way!