Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Without Rhyme or Reason

Happy Hump Day

Here they are - your hump days funnies. A little something to get you over the midweek hump and on the slippery slope to the weekend.

In case you're looking for the theme of this post...don't. The only connection is they made me laugh. And I hope they do the same for you.

Hah! That'll show 'em.

Wait a minute. I think that picture and this joke are vaguely connected.
Or maybe not. 

A burglar broke into a home one night.  He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; when he heard, a strange voice echoing from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

After awhile when he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice and finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he whispered to the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Cute. And what's your name?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus."

Chomp Chomp.

I like this great marketing idea.

Well, it's true, isn't it?

How about this one?

Hope he makes bail.

Okay, one more joke.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute." 

And, of course, we can't forget your weekly "aw".

I'd love this one even without the pacifier.

Did you say it?

That's all for today. Are you there? 
Over the hump and heading down slope toward the weekend? 

Did you have a favorite?

Have a great week/weekend.

Groaner for Today:

Two men walked into a bar.
You’d think the second one would have seen it.


Mason Canyon said...

Linda, a great way to start my morning. It would be hard to pick a favorite out of this group as they're all great. Hope you're having a fun week.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

One day we'll know what God looks like.
Dig the boneless chicken!

Crystal Collier said...

Hah! Those are awesome. I've heard the parrot one before, but man, I LOVE that chicken one. Awesome.

Carol Kilgore said...

Love the funnies. Especially like the Aw Moment and Groaner this week :)

Mark Means said...

As always, great Humpday stuff. Thanks for the chuckles :)

Robin said...

I really liked the Groaner. That was Excellent.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Got to have the faith of that little girl. She probably got it just right.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Kindergarten - LOL!

mooderino said...

He looks a bit like Santa Claus doesn't he?


Jemi Fraser said...

Those are awesome - the little guy and his dog is a perfect pic! :)

Emily R. King said...

The egg joke is great. And I definitely said awww. :)

Maria Zannini said...

These were all good. I especially like the last words from the old lady.

I think I might try that before I go. ;)

Lexa Cain said...

I loved those! Especially the "boneless" eggs and the Moses & Jesus one! Thanks for the laughs - you always brighten my week! :)

mshatch said...

A rotty named Jesus. Love that :)

LD Masterson said...

Mason - Thanks. I hope you are as well.

Alex - Perhaps she already does. Through the eyes of a child...

Crystal - I'll take an "awesome" any day. Thanks.

Carol - I'm glad you liked them.

Mark - My pleasure.

Robin - My grandson told me that one. He does it better.

Susan G/K - I'll bet she did.

Diane - Ha! Gotcha with that one.

mood - Um, which he?

Jemi - Yeah, I loved that one.

Emily - How could you help it?

Maria - Just give me the money first.

Lexa - Thanks for saying so.

mshatch - Me, too. Can't you picture the guy's face?

Maryann Miller said...

Thanks for the chuckles. I did like the Jesus joke. Caught me and the burglar by surprise. LOL

The "aw" picture was priceless.

Michael Di Gesu said...

L. D. I SOOOOO needed a good laugh this week and you surely gave it to me. LOVED the Million dollar joke.

LOVED LOVED LOVED the boneless chicken... TOO FUNNY!

And yes, I did AWWWWW... said...

I like how that baby has his fingers interlocked, as if he's taking a quick nap in the midst of a very important business meeting regarding a new product: the dog pacifier. Or something like that.

Thanks, LD. You always spread cheer.

Mike Keyton said...

I hope they wash that dummy (sorry, pacifier)

LD Masterson said...

Maryann - I'm glad you liked it.

Michael - And I love giving someone a good laugh so we're both happy. Thanks.

Robyn - I could almost picture him twiddling his thumbs. But I'm pretty sure the dog stole that pacifier.

Mike - Hah! I already knew that dummy meant pacifier. I'm a Brit once removed, remember?

Clarissa Draper said...

I love these! YOu always make my week so happy.

Tara Tyler R said...

fun, fun, funny!!

i havent been here in a while - glad i did today!

LD Masterson said...

Clarissa - Thank you!

Tara - Me, too.