Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Hump Day Funnies - the Human Variety

Happy Hump Day

Here we go again. It's Wednesday and we all need a little something to get us over the mid-week hump.

Before we start, I'm tossing out a blatant bid for sympathy. The other day, I lost the crown off one of my molars and the tooth underneath sort of disintegrated...right down to the gum. So this morning I'll be spending some very unpleasant time in the dentist chair.
Can I get an "aw, poor baby"?

Thank you.

Today I'm giving our furry friends a break and I'm relying on human stupidity or intelligence to provide some laughs. (I'll let you decide which it is.)

Let's start with a couple newspaper headlines:


I think I see their problem.

How about this one?


Yeah, good luck with that.


See if you agree with these...


1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability - The probability of your being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 

5. The Law of Consumerism - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

The last one applies especially to bras. Am I right, ladies?


I'm not sure what to say about this one.


 But this one makes perfect sense.


Duh.

One last quick one.

At the wedding party someone yelled, "All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.


Oh, come on, that was funny.

Okay, I couldn't make it all the way through without at least one little fur baby.

Here's your "aw" for today.


 You know you said it. 

And that's it for today. Did I get you there? Over the hump and sailing down the slope toward the weekend?

Wonderful!

Did you have a favorite?

If you're reading this on Wednesday, have a kind thought for me in my dental misery.

And have a great week and weekend.

Quote for Today:

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. ~ Mark Twain

29 comments:

Mike Keyton said...

Those five laws are horribly accurate. At least you know, God likes a laugh.

Good luck with the teeth, Linda

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I have a wisdom tooth with a crown that's like that. It's fallen off twice because there's almost nothing left to cover. You have my sympathies.

Love law #5 - that is always happening to me.

mshatch said...

I liked it all, and you get a big aw from me for your dental woes; Going to the dentist has to be one of the most unpleasant things we need to do.

Mason Canyon said...

First, you get a huge 'aw, poor baby' for having to go to the dentist. I'm not sure which was funnier the laws or the newspaper headlines. I will say the laws are so true. Thanks for the laughs. Hope your visit to the dentist goes well.

Jemi Fraser said...

Sending good vibes for that tooth!

Love the headlines! Used to stay up late once in a while for Jay Leno's headline segment - so funny! I wonder how long those volunteers are going to keep searching for those planes... :)

Linda G. said...

Ugh. You have my complete and utter sympathy about your tooth. :( Sure hope it goes as painlessly as possible.

And, of course, the usual LOLs and aws. :)

Maryann Miller said...

Here's a great big "aw" for the visit to the dentist.

Loved the headlines and the laws. You always brighten my Wednesday's with your blog.

Cate Masters said...

I don't envy you your day today! Though you can feel bad for me on Monday when I have a 2-hour dentist appointment.

Twain knew all.

Carol Kilgore said...

You have my sympathies for the dental chair. No fun. Hope it's a relatively pain free day.

Thanks for the laughs :)

Stacy McKitrick said...

Awww, poor baby! I hope your dental visit turns out better than you anticipated!

I think I like the headlines the best. People should learn to proofread EVERYTHING! :)

Which brings to mind a sixth law. Law of Proofreading: You'll find the typo after you hit SEND. Haha!

Crystal Collier said...

LOL! #1 and 3, oh yeah! Tooth pain is the WORST. I'm wishing you a quick recovery and some epic solutions. Take care!

Robin said...

I hope that your mouth feels better after today.

The bartender... bwahahaha.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Sorry you have to endure that kind of dentist appointment.
The one about the bartender is hilarious!

Murees Dupé said...

You definitely get an aw from me for having to go to the dentist. It is not fun and I am so sorry...The puppy is just so cute! Best of luck. I hope there won't be pain involved.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Ouch for the dental visit. Loved Mark Twain's quote and the headlines kind of adding to his opinion of newspapers.

Maria Zannini said...

My teeth hurt just thinking of you in the dentist's chair. I hope it's a quick procedure.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Awwwwww, poor baby. I hope you fared well in the dental chair today, and aren't feeling any pain now.

Yep, those laws are just about right.

LD Masterson said...

Hi everyone. Just to let you know, the dentist ground down the sharp edges on my broken tooth so I'd stop cutting my tongue but we had to put off digging it out until Monday. So if you happen to think of me on Monday afternoon, send good vibes. Thanks.

Mike - I've always believed God has a great sense of humor.

Diane - Yup, that's my situation. This time there's nothing left to do but pull the tooth. And Law 5 is mine, too.

mshatch - It certainly rates right up there.

Mason - Thanks, and I'm glad you liked the funnies.

Jemi - They're going to be hunting for a long time.

Linda G. - Thanks all around.

Maryann - Thanks. That's the idea.

Cate - Hey, when's your Monday appointment? I go back in on Monday at 3:00. We can suffer together.

Carol - Thanks and you're welcome.

Stacy - I should have included number six. So true.

Crystal - See a little truth there, did you? And thanks.

Robin - Sadly, I have to go back but for now it feels better, thanks.

Alex - Yay. I was hoping someone would really like that one. I loved it.

Murees - Well, not yet but keeping that hope going till Monday, okay?

Susan G/K - I thought that quote was just perfect for this post.

Maria - Today was reasonable quick. Next week, not so much.

Susan F.S. - Thanks. At the moment I'm doing okay.

Rhonda Albom said...

Good stuff. Love those headlines, especially the bug one.

Ava Quinn said...

Hope your dentistry went well. And thanks for sharing the funny headlines.

Lexa Cain said...

You poor thing. There's nothing worse than dental problems - unless it's having surgery to have a toenail removed, which is how I spent my day. Can I get an "aw, poor baby" too? I hope you feel better - and I hope I do too.

I loved your funny stories and especially the little puppy!

Nicki Elson said...

I hope all went well at the dentist. And cheers to having it over with.

They've changed my favorite bra! And done away with my favorite minty lipgloss. Why oh why do they do that?

Vanessa Morgan said...

Too funny. Thanks for the smile.

LD Masterson said...

Rhonda - Glad you liked them.

Ava - Thanks. (Actually, I have to go back for more tomorrow.) And you're welcome.

Lexa - Toenail removed? Oh, I've been there. You get a double size "aw, poor baby" from me. Hope you're feeling better.

Nicki - Yes! Yes! Every time I find a bra I really like...poof. It disappears. I haven't lost a favorite lip gloss but my favorite shower gel was discontinued.

Vanessa - My pleasure.


Julie Flanders said...

Sorry about your tooth! I hope the procedure went smoothly and wasn't too painful.

Love the flying bugs headline LOL.

Robin said...

I did reply to your email regarding the Cher clip on HERE'S TO YOU. It was paying homage to the fortune teller joke you posted.

This week "The bartender was almost crushed to death." So, I dedicated to you the song Hey Bartender.

:D

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I like law #3. Once (at least) I took a spill on the dance floor during a dance class. Eventually, I was partnered with a cute guy I'd been wanting to dance with. I asked if he'd seen my "accident", he said "Yes. I saw THAT!" Oops.

Clarissa Draper said...

Love that Twain quote! That puppy is so cute.

LD Masterson said...

Julie - Thanks. Doing much better now.

Robin - That's odd. I was watching for your response but never saw it. But I get it now. I was looking for a connection between your selections and my overall blog - I should have been looking at specific posts. Thanks again for thinking of me in your posts.

Robyn - Lol. It always seems to work that way.

Clarissa - Mark Twain was a very wise man.