Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Hump Day Mish Mash Funnies

Happy Hump Day

It's a mish-mash funnies day. One of those posts of funnies that I didn't have a theme for or didn't have room for in another post. So don't look for any connection between these...except that they make you smile, chuckle, or even better, laugh out loud.

Let's start off with a little static cling.

"I thought that box was empty."

Okay, I apologize for this one in advance.

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that the urinals were too high, they couldn't reach them. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one.

As she lifted one little guy, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to stare, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade."

"No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I sure appreciate your help."

I know. That's so bad. 
(But I did apologize.)

This one just made me laugh. 


Moving on to bad joke number two.
(Hey, maybe I did have a theme today.)

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said "I do....why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.  

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto (who was a very fast runner) and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." 

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" 

(get ready)  

"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin'." 

Aw, come on. You laughed.
(I should be shot?)

Maybe I should look like this next guy...

 I've come home to a face like that.
It's never a good thing.

This is a little different from my usual "aw" pictures.
I think the "aw" comes from a deeper place 
and the message is important. 

My mom and dad were together for 65 years.

That's it for today.
Are we there? Over the hump?

Did you have a favorite?

I'm afraid you're going to have to get over the hump without me next week.
We're taking a little vacation and I'll be offline.

Do I hear the sound of weeping and gnashing of teeth?
Nah, I didn't think so. 

Be good and I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

 Thought for the Day:


Cate Masters said...

Have a wonderful vacation! Hope it's somewhere warm and relaxing. :)

Maria Zannini said...

I'm not sure which was worse, the Lone Ranger or the race track joke--but I laughed at both.

re: secret of a long, happy marriage

re: vacation
Have a great time! Enjoy that sun.

farawayeyes said...

I laughed, snickered and smiled at most of these BUT, today your 'aw' moment brought a tear to my eye, a good tear, mind you. That was really special.

Have a good trip, I'll try not to miss you too much (actually, I'll be out of town also - leaving shortly)!

Linda G. said...

Awww, now you've got me laughing again. ;)

Have a great vacay! :)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That one about being together sixty-five years is really sweet.
Injun running - that's bad!

Chrys Fey said...

That cat picture is too cute!

That racetrack joke was sure awkward. lol

65 years...that's awesome! And that is advice all couples should do.

Kristin Smith said...

Lol. Still laughing at the racetrack joke. Oh, man. :)

The "aw" picture is so wonderful and so true. Love it.

Have a wonderful vacation! I'll miss your hump day, but I'll see you when you get back! :)

Stacy McKitrick said...

I enjoyed all your funnies today. And I especially like the thought of the day.

Lori L MacLaughlin said...

Yes, I did laugh and snicker and chortle... Thanks.

Love the photo of the elderly couple. My folks have been married for 55 years and are still going strong.

LD Masterson said...

Cate - Thanks. I tell you all about it when I get back.

Maria - I know - both bad but still funny. And thanks.

farawayeyes - Hope your trip is for fun stuff. Safe travels.

Linda G. - Thanks. (psst. I'm loving Ciel's latest adventures)

Alex - I know, so bad. That's why I had to redeem myself.

Chrys - Yup. Our parents taught us well...hubby and I are coming up on 46.

Kristin - Glad you enjoyed. Thanks all around.

Stacy - Someone posted that on Facebook and I thought it was really worth sharing.

Lori - Ooo, a chortle. I haven't had one of those in a while. Love it. I wish your folks many, many, more years together.

Sherry Ellis said...

I actually liked the graffiti one. That person had a sense of humor!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Good ones today. I needed some smiles today.

Laurel Garver said...

The vandalism irony one had me laughing SO hard. Awesome. Thanks for the laugh, it really lightened my day!

DL Hammons said...

I can always count on you for a smile and a chuckle on Wednesdays! :)

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I love the static cling kitty. I can see my cat doing that.

Heather Holden said...

LOL, love that picture of the list. Too funny!

Also, hope you have a fun vacation and enjoy your time offline! :)

LD Masterson said...

Sherry - Thank you. That's what I thought.

Susan G/K - I'm glad I could provide them.

Laurel - My pleasure.

DL - Um, except for next week. Sorry.

Diane - That's my favorite in this post.

Heather - Thanks. I'm planning on it.

Kaye George said...

It's SUCH a treat to come home from choir on Wednesdays and find your posts. I laughed at the dog who had been upstairs, and at the Lone Ranger! Of course, I'll miss you next week.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

I liked a lot of 'em today, (even the "bad" jokes...) but I think my favorite is the awww picture. It's wonderful that your parents were married for 65 years. May we be that fortunate, eh?

Have a fantabulous vacation!

Karen Lange said...

Yes, I did laugh, and you have my thanks. :) You always brighten my day. Enjoy your vacation!

Lexa Cain said...

The adorable pics and the brilliance of the last quote more than made up for any possible groans for the jokes.

You know what's interesting about couples staying together? In developed countries where people choose their own mates, the divorce rate is 50%. In the undeveloped world where marriages are arranged by the families, the rate is 50%. I think the older generation just didn't think divorce was an option.

I am now weeping and gnashing my teeth. Waaaaa! Gr-gr-gr. I'll miss you, but I hope you have a nice time off. ;) said...

The most romantic sight to me, is the sight of seniors deeply in love. So heartwarming.

Have a good one, LD.

Jemi Fraser said...

Have to admit I laughed the whole way through :)
Love the thought for the day - that's going to show up in my classroom next week! :)
Enjoy your vacation!

Carol Kilgore said...

I think the cat and the list were my faves, but I liked them all.

Enjoy your vacation!

LD Masterson said...

Kaye - Thanks. I'm glad to be a happy part of your week.

Susan F.S. - So true. And thanks.

Karen - My pleasure.

Lexa - I think divorce was an option, it was just the last one they reached for rather than the first. Please don't gnash (what kind of word is gnash?), I won't be gone long.

Empty Nest Insider said...

I laughed at the racetrack joke, and at the Lone Ranger too. I should've seen them both coming, but you totally caught me by surprise. How wonderful that your parents were together for 65 years! That sign really rings true. Have a wonderful vacation LD, and I will also miss you!


Murees Dupé said...

I hope you have a wonderful vacation. The aw has a really beautiful message.

~Sia McKye~ said...

Yah, the injun running made me laugh.

I really liked the last one. If you're someone that makes you happy you'll make others then same.

Sia McKye Over Coffee

Mike Keyton said...

That cat put me in mind of Kim Kardashian and I don't know why. Should I be worried? And the Injun joke, I'll recycle in the pub this weekend. Thanks for that. :)

Patricia Stoltey said...

I'm sure glad I got over here to see this week's funnies. I laughed the hardest at the racetrack joke. I did not see it coming....

Chippyminton13 said...

The Lone Ranger joke made me laugh. And I liked the graffiti photo too. :)


LD Masterson said...

Julie - I'm glad your enjoyed the funnies. And thanks.

Murees - It was a different kind of aw than I usually do but...yeah, beautiful.

Sia - I love a good groaner. And, yes, happiness has to come from within before it can be shared.

Mike - If anything made me think of Kim Kardashian, I'd be worried.

Patricia - Hah! Gotcha!

Chippy - I'm glad. I love making people laugh.

Julie Flanders said...

Oh that poor kitty at the top. And unfortunately I've come home to that dog face too LOL.
I hope you are enjoying a wonderful vacation, LD!

Misha Gericke said...

That 5th grader joke made me laugh out loud.

Have a wonderful vacation!

Al Diaz said...

The fifth grade joke was my favorite. I did laugh. :))
And definitively the aww moment was the last picture. Dragon HUgs!