Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Beware the Ides of ...Hump Day?

Happy Hump Day

Wow, it's been a busy month for me so far. I'm knee deep in launches/pre-launches for Still Me...After All These Years (available now) and Fish Out of Water (coming in April), I'm involved in various Lenten activities, and I'm co-facilitating a mini-WriMo for my local writers group, the Western Ohio Writers Association - 500 words a day, any project(s), 15,000 for the month. I'm on target for the word count, one short story finished and another one started. 

"Uh huh," you say? "Really interesting, LD. But what does this mean for me?"

Well, less blogging time means...

MORE FUNNIES!!!

So let's get right to it.

Here are a few classics from our favorite 
Church Bulletins. 
 
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' 
The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. 
Music will follow.  

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' 
Come early and listen to our choir practice.


Gotta love those church ladies.

This one has more of the military tone.

The first F-117 stealth fighter arrived at the bone yard (aircraft graveyard) in Tucson.


Visitors will not be allowed to climb into the cockpit for liability reasons.
 


Did it take you a minute?


I went to San Francisco.  I found someone's heart.  Now what?

This next one's a little long but I thing it's worth it.


Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Bristol, TN. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar apparently so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.

He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated the man had not consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "I'm the designated decoy."


I love it.

After that one, this ad seems to fit.




Last one.


Oh, that's bad. But before I say bye for today...
here's your "aw".



 Those faces say it all. 


 
Please check out the blog tour for Still Me...After All These Years from March 20 thru March 31. Some of my favorite bloggers are joining in. There will also be a giveaway.  

March 20 – Alex J. Cavanaugh – Guest Post
Random Thoughts – Excerpt
Valerie Capps, Short Story Author
March 21 – Stephanie Faris, Children’s Author – Guest Post
Author Karen Walker…Following the Whispers
March 22 – Scattergun Scribblings – Guest Post and Feature
LD Masterson
March 23 – What Is That Book About – Excerpt
March 24 – The Heart and Craft of Life Writing – Interview
I Think: Therefore, I Yam
March 27 – Just Jemi – Excerpt
Celticlady’s Reviews – Excerpt
Juneta @ Writer’s Gambit – Interview
Necessary Madness: A Writer on the Road
March 28 – Thoughts in Progress – Excerpt
March 29 –The Story of a Writer – Feature
Mark David Gerson
March 30 – Mello & June, It’s A Book Thang – FeatureMello & June, It’s A Book Thang – Feature
March 31 – Reviews by Crystal – Interview
Book Reviews by Pat Garcia





 And watch for the latest release information on Fish Out of Water.


That's all for today. Did those funnies do the trick and get you over the mid-week hump? I hope so. Did you have a favorite?

Have a great week and an even better weekend.




Riddle for Today:

What word is spelled incorrectly when it's spelled correctly?

17 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You have a lot of releases coming up! Happy to be featuring one of your books next week.
Really like the meanest mother in Wyoming. He deserved it.

Jemi Fraser said...

Lots of laughs today! The decoy and the bison were my favourites!!
Answer: incorrectly! :P

Maria Zannini said...

I'll have to show Greg the Stealth fighter picture. :D

re: Bison
That sounds suspiciously like a groaner.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi LD - those funnies are great ... love the decoy one! Good luck to Karen with her anthology ... and we are 'Still Me ... After All These Years' ... good luck and have fun with all your projects - cheers Hilary

Mason Canyon said...

Good luck to you with all your projects. You're one busy lady. Love the funnies (even on Thursday). The decoy was great and the 'aw' photo is priceless.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

The fake drunk story was funny. I wonder how many have actually tried that one?

Congrats on so many writing accomplishments.

Patricia Stoltey said...

I love that meanest mom in Wyoming story.

Congratulations on the two releases. I thought I could read the whole book Still Me After All These Years in one weekend, but it proved impossible. Each essay provides so much to think about that I had to give the anthology more reading time than expected. Karen has done a fantastic job selecting the essays and putting the book together.

LD Masterson said...

Alex - I was delighted to see you were on the tour. Thanks.

Jemi - Hey, you got the riddle. Glad you liked the funnies.

Maria - Tell him he won't find that one in the Air Force Museum. )A groaner? Me?)

Hilary - Thanks. Karen did an outstanding job on Still Me...

Mason - Ever noticed how everything time consuming seems to happen all at once? The decoy seems to be the favorite today. I think it's because we all want to try it.

Diane - LOL. See my answer to Mason, just above. If we haven't tried it before, we might now. Thanks.

Patricia - I hope if one of mine had ever been that stupid, I would have done the same thing. Yes, I felt the same way. Still Me...After All These Years needs to be read and digested slowly. I can't say enough about the job Karen did.





Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Incorrectly! (I love riddles.)

You sure have been one busy lady. I believe that's the secret to staying young, no matter what that lying birth certificate says.

Cute jokes. I especially like the one about the designated decoy. :)

Donna K. Weaver said...

You always know how to make me smile. Congrats on your releases!

Arlee Bird said...

Oh so funny. The music after the bean supper might be interesting, but that would be some aromatherapy that I could do without.


Arlee Bird
Tossing It Out

mshatch said...

Love the ad from the meanest mother in Wyoming and the designated decoy.

Riddle: Incorrectly

LD Masterson said...

Susan F.S. - I'll come up with a harder riddle next time and give you more of a challenge.

Donna - Thanks. And I'm glad to give you a smile. We need more smiles.

Lee - LOL Me, too.

Marcy - Those two seem to be the overall favorites. I actually have a weakness for the church bulletins. Maybe because I am a little old church lady. Good job on the riddle.

Lexa Cain said...

I think you're doing super! Congrats on the stories in the anthologies, and helping the Ohio writers with their mini-Nano, and getting so much writing done yourself. The church funnies were hilarious and the comics, too! Thanks for the laughs & have a great weekend!

Gina Gao said...

This was really funny. Thanks for sharing!

www.ficklemillennial.com

LD Masterson said...

Lexa - Thanks for all those kind words. Hope you're having a great weekend.

Gina - Thanks. Glad you enjoyed them.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Lots of fun stuff going on, except for the mean mom's kid. But she's doing the right thing.
Might the answer to the riddle be "incorrectly"?
Happy St. Pat's weekend, LD.