Wednesday, March 29, 2017

More on Fish Out of Water and Your (late!) Hump Day Funnies

I'm late. I'm late. For a very important...hump day!.

I'm sorry. There's so much going on this month, I let time get away from me.

To make up for it, here's a quick funny. 

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell ."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What? You're coming empty handed?" 

Now a word from our sponsor. Or at least a little blatant self promotion.

Fish Out of Water, the fourth Anthology from the Guppy Chapter of Sisters in Crime, contains twenty-two stories of mystery and suspense, all dealing with someone moving out of their element.

In my story, "Of Roosters and Men", city girl Ella has returned to the family farm to settle her father's estate. It should be a simple thing but she hasn't counted on battling her farm-loving sister Cassie, her own mixed memories, and a nasty tempered Rhode Island Red named Duncan...

"The morning was one long reminder of why I belonged in the city. The July air was hot and sticky, and thick dust clung to my legs as I walked. The stupid goats were uncooperative and ungrateful. One young buck slammed me against the side of his pen and stomped on my foot. I preferred feeding the chickens…or would have, except for Duncan. 

He strutted around the yard, showing off for his ladies. A young Rhode Island Red, very handsome and downright mean. Before I left home, we’d had old George. He was a pussycat. But this guy was all bad attitude with razor sharp spurs."

Fish Out of Water is available now from Wideside Press and will be available soon on other popular online sites.  For more information about Fish Out of Water, check out our Facebook page.

Now back to your funnies.

Anyone have a cat?
Do these rules work at your house?

 Oh, come on. You know they're true.

Here's a spiritual funny for you.

In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.

Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little more, and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

" Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said...


You saw it coming, didn't you?

Okay, time for your weekly "aw".

You liked the loving giraffes last week.
How about a little "mama and her cub" love?

Yeah, it did it for me.

That's all for this week. Again, I'm sorry for being late but look at it this're that much closer to the weekend.

Did the funnies help?  Did you have a favorite?

See you next week.

Deep Thought for Today:

Man who runs in front of car gets tired,
man who runs behind car gets exhausted.


Maria Zannini said...

If I had to have insomnia tonight, I'm glad I could put it to good use by coming to your blog. :)

re: Mother Superior
Words of wisdom indeed. That's one heck of a cow.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Lion hug is cute.
I can see my grandmother asking me that.
Congratulations again one the Guppy Anthology!

Karen Walker said...

Oh, that lion pic - so sweet. Yes, funnies helped. Thanks.

Stacy McKitrick said...

"Don't sell that cow." Nope, didn't see that coming. Hee hee.
Loved them all. Thanks for sharing!

Lexa Cain said...

I loved your funnies, especially the first, and I think your short story sounds wonderfully fresh and fun. Thanks for the laughs and the Aw. Have a great Friday!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Oh, I think I have that image pinned on Pinterest!

I know those cat rules all too well.

Kaye George said...

Thanks, I needed those! And, no, I didn't see it coming. Liked it though.

Mason Canyon said...

Congrats on FISH OUT OF WATER. Love that cover. Your funnies are great no matter what day I read them on. Cats do rule. Such a cute photo of the mama and her cub.

Liz Fichera said...

Awwww, love the momma and the cub pic...

LD Masterson said...

Maria - Hmm. I think that's a compliment. Unless you came by looking for something to put you to sleep.

Alex - Thanks. And my grandmother would have just told me what to bring.

Karen - My pleasure.

Stacy - You're welcome. I love to give someone a good "hee hee".

Lexa - Thanks. You, too.

Diana - Well, it's not an original, I got it in an email. But it made me laugh and I don't even have a cat. (Translates to dogs pretty well, too.)

Kaye - Happy to give you a laugh.

Mason - Thanks. (I love the cover, too.)

Liz - We may not think of the big cats as "cute" but momma love always gets an aw.

mshatch said...

The cat rules are spot on, except for the last one. My cats know that breakfast isn't until the alarm goes off. Thankfully, they're okay with that.

LD Masterson said...

Marcy - I notice you don't mention what time your alarm goes off. Is it after 5:30? *grin* said...

I ended up putting sturdy pieces of tape along the side edges of my sofa so the cat wouldn't finish tearing it all apart. It actually worked. I miss that cat. (It wasn't mine in the first place, but we took a liking to each other.)
Hope you're having a nice weekend, LD.

Murees Dupé said...

The aw gets me every time. Congrats on the anthology. Yeah, my cat used to do whatever she wanted too:)

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Definitely a valuable cow. And a great aww moment.

Tara Tyler R said...

congrats on "Still Me..." - what a wonderful celebration and a great group of golden oldies!
And I forget - where are you in Ohio again? I'm between Dayton and Cincy =) We should do lunch!

The cat rules was cute - but that's also why I'm a dog person, ha! I do enjoy the kitty videos once in a while though!

Have a great week!

LD Masterson said...

Robyn-I lost a couch to an excitable dog once. She'd get on the back to look out the window and dig like mad when anyone walked by. The things we do for our furbabies.

Murees - Thanks. And don't they all.

Susan G/K - Oh, a cow like that could make a farmer out of me.

Tara - I'm in Dayton, how far down toward Cinci are you?

Mike Keyton said...

Thank you, thank you very much for that mother superior joike. Laugh out loud moment :)

harada57 said...
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