Wednesday, April 5, 2017

All Hump Day Funnies (No Commercials.)

 Happy Hump Day

And since I really owe you some funnies with no self-promotion attached - today is an All-Funnies Post. So let's dive right in.

You know the media has taken a lot of hits lately with suggestions of "fake news" and such, but I find my local newspaper very informative.

There's national news...

 local news....

money saving coupons...

 and occasionally a really useful ad in the classified section.

Well, let's be honest here. I usually just read the comics.

Has anyone been in the hospital lately? If you have, you'll understand this next one.

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?"

"Norma Findlay, Room 302."

"Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone. "I have good news.Her nurse said Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her latest blood work is normal, and her doctor has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The grandmother said, "Oh, that's wonderful!  I was so worried!  Thank you. God bless you for the good news."

"You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

"No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me sh*t."

 Go Granny.

Okay, one more...

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.

What was that for?" the man asked.

"That was for the piece of paper I found in your pocket with the name 'Jenny' written on it."

"Dammit, woman. You're always jumping to conclusions. When I went to the track last week, Jenny was the name of a horse I bet on."

His wife was immediately sorry, and offered to make him his favorite dinner.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out of the chair.

As he got up, he asked her, "Now what was that for?"

His wife replied, "Your horse phoned."  

Did you see that one coming?

Okay, time for your "aw"...

We've done some bigger animals the last couple weeks but
I'm still a sucker for dogs and babies. 

 You, too?

Okay, did that do it? Are we over the hump?

Oh well, we'll get there.

I hope you found a giggle or a chuckle or even a good old guffaw to get you over the mid-week hump. May the rest of your week be great and your weekend fantastic. 

See you next time.

Thought for Today: 

A smart person knows what to say.
A wise person knows whether or not to say it.


Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi LD - great funnies ... loved them - good old GrandMa .. .and oh yes the zebra and the giraffe ... got over my hump! Cheers Hilary

Carol Kilgore said...

Aaawwwww ♥
And I love Norma Findlay!
Happy Hump Day :)

L. Diane Wolfe said...

The mailman - LOL!

Crystal Collier said...

LOL! Oh my goodness, they were all so good. Thanks for that. I'm still chuckling inwardly.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Gotta keep your eye on those mailmen. Love the awww.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That one about the hospital is so true!

Julie Flanders said...

The tombstone ad is a classic. What the heck?? LOL.
Can't go wrong with dogs and babies. Thanks for sharing as always.

Donna K. Weaver said...

As always, thanks for the smile. I have a 3-day weekend already, and I'm taking Monday off to supersize it. :D

Maria Zannini said...

Norma might be on to something.

re: mailman
I'm not sure what's dumber, the people who called it in, or the reporter who thought it was newsworthy. It was funny though. :D

LD Masterson said...

Hilary - Glad you enjoy them. Thanks for coming by.

Carol - Yep, she's my hero.

Diane - Thank you! I was hoping other people would find that as funny as I did.

Crystal - Oh, go ahead and laugh out loud. It feels good.

Susan G/K - I have one of those sneaky little devils in my neighborhood, too.

Alex - Agreed. I'm going to try that next time.

Julie - I guess he got better. And you're welcome, as always.

Donna - Oh yeah, enjoy that supersize!

Maria - I'm guessing it was one of those small town papers where they list everything on the police report. Some of those are a stitch to read.

Stacy McKitrick said...

I'm soooo late. It's well past hump day (it's Friday), but hey, I still enjoyed the laughs (kind of needed them, too).

Lexa Cain said...

I loved these - so funny! My faves were the gun shop and the mailman. Have a wonderful weekend, LD!

Sherry Ellis said...

Those are all funny! Thanks for the chuckle.

LD Masterson said...

Stacy - Glad I could give you a smile. Hope it helped.

Lexa - Good choices. (The mailman was mine.)

Sherry - Ellis - My pleasure. Thanks for coming by.

harada57 said...
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