Happy Hump Day
It's a mish-mash funnies day. One of those posts of funnies that I didn't have a theme for or didn't have room for in another post. So don't look for any connection between these...except that they make you smile, chuckle, or even better, laugh out loud.
Let's start off with a little static cling.
"I thought that box was empty."
Okay, I apologize for this one in advance.
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that the urinals were too high, they couldn't reach them. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one.
As she lifted one little guy, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to stare, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade."
"No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I sure appreciate your help."
I know. That's so bad.
(But I did apologize.)
This one just made me laugh.
Moving on to bad joke number two.
(Hey, maybe I did have a theme today.)
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said "I do....why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto (who was a very fast runner) and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
(get ready)
"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin'."
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said "I do....why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto (who was a very fast runner) and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
(get ready)
"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin'."
Aw, come on. You laughed.
Snickered?
Something?
(I should be shot?)
Maybe I should look like this next guy...
I've come home to a face like that.
It's never a good thing.
This is a little different from my usual "aw" pictures.
I think the "aw" comes from a deeper place
and the message is important.
My mom and dad were together for 65 years.
That's it for today.
Are we there? Over the hump?
Fantastic.
Did you have a favorite?
I'm afraid you're going to have to get over the hump without me next week.
We're taking a little vacation and I'll be offline.
Do I hear the sound of weeping and gnashing of teeth?
Nah, I didn't think so.
Be good and I'll see you in a couple of weeks.
That's it for today.
Are we there? Over the hump?
Fantastic.
Did you have a favorite?
I'm afraid you're going to have to get over the hump without me next week.
We're taking a little vacation and I'll be offline.
Do I hear the sound of weeping and gnashing of teeth?
Nah, I didn't think so.
Be good and I'll see you in a couple of weeks.
Thought for the Day:
