Hump Day Funnies and More Riddles

Happy Hump Day

I'm running a bit late on everything this week. Blame Band Camp. My grandson's high school is holding their on-site (meaning at the school) band camp this week and I've been volunteering to help prepare and serve lunch and dinner (about three hours per meal). It's a lot of fun but sure plays havoc with my work schedule.

However, let's get to the important stuff...your hump day funnies.

I have no idea if this first one is fact or fiction but it's still funny.  I'm printing it here just as I received it in an e-mail. 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
           
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

            P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
            S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
            *
            P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
            S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
            *
            P: Something loose in cockpit
            S: Something tightened in cockpit
            *
            P: Dead bugs on windshield.
            S: Live bugs on back-order.
            *
            P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
            S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
            *
            P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
            S: Evidence removed.
            *
            P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
            S: DME volume set to more believable level.
            *
            P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
            S: That's what friction locks are for.
            *
            P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
            S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
            *
            P: Suspected crack in windshield.
            S: Suspect you're right.
            *
            P: Number 3 engine missing.
            S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
            *
            P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
            S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
            *
            P: Target radar hums.
            S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
            *
            P: Mouse in cockpit.
            S: Cat installed.
            *
            And the best one for last
            *
            P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
            S: Took hammer away from the midget
                       

I don't usually include videos because I know many readers are pressed for time but this one is delightful. Have you ever thought of an elephant "scampering"? Neither had I until I watched this.  There's a particularly tender moment between the baby's parents around the three minute mark.

Now we have a Pre-Nuptial Agreement - Senior Style

An elderly couple in their 70's were about to get married.
She said: I want to keep my house.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to keep my Cadillac.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said: Put me down for Fridays.

Hee hee hee.

Since the first one was a bit long, I'm going straight to your Hump Day Riddles. As always, the answers will be posted on Monday.

 

 1. The River Ravi flows in which state? 

2. What is the main reason for divorce?

3. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? 

The elephant video should probably take care of your "aw" for this week but just in case...

Aw, poor baby.

Okay, are we all good? Over the hump and on the way to the weekend. I hope so.

Did you have a favorite? Glad you don't fly UPS? Want to hug a baby elephant?

Good luck with the riddles. Have a great weekend and I'll see you on Monday.

Thought for the day:

He who hesitates is probably right.