Hump Day Funnies and Funny Seniors

Happy Hump Day

Someone commented last week that these hump day posts are just as good on Thursday or even Friday. I hope that's true because this one's going up pretty late on hump day.

I grabbed this picture for a friend of mine who just had her first son - a beautiful little boy.

Now to the other end of the age spectrum...

Do you know no one believes seniors?  Nope, everyone thinks they're senile.

Case in point:

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally." 

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!

Andy said, "We’ve got to give it back." 

Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. 

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. "Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" 

Sally said, "No." 

Andy said, "She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic." 

Sally said, "Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile."

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. "Tell us the story from the beginning." 

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ..."

 The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "That's it. We’re outta here."

I love that. And I've got enough gray hair to pull it off. 

Now if I could just find a bag of money.

This picture just made me laugh.  

In case the font is too small to read, the heading says:

"Understanding Women" is now available in paperback.

 

 So true.

Okay, one more joke. Staying with the battle of the sexes.

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over two months."

 Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over..............women like that are hard to find."

  

And I wouldn't forget your "aw". Got a sure-fire one for you today.

Who could resist those eyes?

You know you said it.

Okay, that's it for today. Did we make it? 

Are you over the hump and coasting to the weekend? 

Great. My job here is done.

Have a fantastic weekend and I'll see you on Monday.

Happy Halloween.

Thought for the Day:

Age doesn't always bring wisdom.
Sometimes age comes alone.

Honor Flight for My Hero

There were a few events during my health-induced hiatus recently that I really wanted to share with you, so I'm going to do a few time-delayed posts.

In August, it was my privilege to arrange for my dad to go on a veterans Honor Flight.

Dad enlisted in the Army in 1943, when he was 18, to serve his country in World War II. He served in what was then the Army Air Corp, doing most of his tour on islands in the South Pacific, fighting the Japanese.

 It certainly wasn't where he wanted to spend three years of his life. Certainly not the first three years of his marriage. But the world was at war.   

Mom and Dad - 1943

 
For most of us, WWII is ancient history.  But it is the last war that threatened our very existence as a nation and it's most fitting that the generation who fought that war are called the "Greatest Generation".

If you're not familiar with the Honor Flight, it's a volunteer organization that honors America's veterans by transporting them to Washington, D.C. to visit and reflect at their memorials.  Preference is given to World War II veterans because, sadly, we are losing these heroes at a rate of 640 a day.

Honor Flight not only transports our heroes, but at each stop the veterans are greeted by active duty military and volunteers who give them the heroes' welcome they deserve. 

The group leaving Dayton, already friends.

Best of all, when they return that evening, we get to give them the biggest welcome of all. Friends, family, color guards, military, and volunteers. Dad knew my husband and I would be there to pick him up but he didn't know about any of the others...especially my brother Frank who drove in from out of state to be there. Frank said he'll never forget the joy he felt seeing Mom and Dad waiting for him when he got home from Viet Nam and it was his turn. He and I made the sign and were holding it together when Dad saw us. The look on Dad's face was priceless.

Dad with some of the family at the airport.

The day after, before Dad headed home, we had a family cookout so he had a chance to tell us about the trip. Here he is with some of the family gathered around.

I am so grateful to Honor Flight for what they do. If you have a veteran in your family, especially from WWII or Korea, please arrange for him or her to go on an Honor Flight. Do it now. You'll be so glad you did.

Quote of the Day:

“Freedom is never free.” ~ Unknown

More Hump Day Funnies

Happy Hump Day!

And here we go with some funnies to get you over the mid-week hump.

First, though, a Public Service Announcement.

Good to know, do you think?

Now a few thoughts from an older mind...

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.  I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency.  I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a  whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me.  They were cramming for their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.


A question to ponder.
 

Why do they?

Here's an interesting fact.

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go?

Well, penguins are very ritualistic birds. They mate for life and have a strong sense of family and community. Their social structure is both complex and very well-ordered.  

When a member of the penguin community dies, the others will dig a hole in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough to receive the dead penguin.

Then the males of the group will gather in a circle around the grave and sing,

"Freeze a jolly good fellow

Freeze a jolly good fellow

Freeze a jolly good fellow

So into the hole he goes."

What? You really didn't really think I know anything about penguins, did you?

Okay, something for all my writer friends. 

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

Yup, I think that one's true.

Now for your hump day"aw". I've got a great one for you this week.

 Every little guy needs his teddy.

That's it. Did we get there? Are you over the hump and coasting toward the weekend? Great! 

Did you have any favorites?

The World Series begins tonight. 

GO RED SOX!!!

Quote of the Day:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain

The Red Sox Win the Pennant - It's a Family Thing

I don't think it will come as a big surprise that I'm a life long Boston Red Sox fan.  So let me get this out of the way first.

THE RED SOX WON THE AMERICAN LEAGUE PENNANT!!!!  WOO WOO!!!

Okay. Thanks. Had to get that out of my system.

It might surprise you to know I haven't lived in the Boston area since I was four, and since then I've lived in some pretty serious baseball towns...including Detroit and Los Angeles.

So why am I still one of the Fenway faithful?

I sometimes joke that it's genetic but that's not far wrong. My parents were Sox fans. My uncles, aunt, and cousins are almost all Sox fans. My brother - who also hasn't lived in Boston since he was a kid - is an ardent Sox fan. My younger son - who has never lived east of Ohio - has always had a Red Sox banner on his wall and his son has slept under a Red Sox blanket all his life.

For us, it's not just the team we root for, it's a family connection. Not matter where we are, we have that same touchstone. And, believe me, it hasn't always been easy. If you're a baseball fan, you've probably heard of the Curse of the Bambino - credited by many for keeping a World Series Championship out of Boston for 86 years.  A curse that was finally broken in 2004.

I remember that night. I was home. My Detroit-Tiger-fan-hubby had already gone to bed. I was sitting in front of the TV, my dad on my landline phone at my right ear, my son on my cell phone at my left, and other family members frantically messaging via the laptop in front of me. We couldn't be together but we're weren't about to celebrate alone.  After the final out, I cheered, I danced, I shared the joy.

A few days later, my uncle - who was especially close to my mom - told me he didn't know which was sweeter, the win or hearing Mom celebrating in the background when he called my dad. By the time the Sox won it all again in 2007, Mom was gone.

Now we're back to the World Series. I'll do my best not to be too distracted but if I'm a little late visiting everyone, please bear with me. It's not just a baseball game. It's a family thing.

GO SOX!!!!

Joke of the Day:

My Favorite Animal

 

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth and I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.  Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

 

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

 

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Saunders." Guess where I am now...

 

All New Hump Day Funnies

Happy Hump Day.

And thanks to everyone who offered good wishes on my story being included in Chicken Soup for the Soul, It's Christmas!

Now how about some hump day funnies to get you over the mid-week hump and on the downhill slide to the weekend?

Anyone have a teenager at home? I'll bet you can relate to this one.

 

Here's a joke I like.

Ron Chestna was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

Yeah, I'll bet a few of you can relate to that one, too. 

Here's a good thing to know.

And, of course, we can't go without our weekly "aw".

How's this?

You know you said it.

That's it. Did we get there? Are you over the hump? I hope so. Did you have a favorite?

I wish you all a lovely weekend. See you Monday.

Groaners for Today:

What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render.

Why was the math book sad?
It had so many problems.

Where can you weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow.  (Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie...)

Chicken Soup for the Soul - It's Christmas - I'm in Here!!!

I mentioned last week I had an announcement to make today and here it is.  

Chicken Soup for the Soul - It's Christmas was just released and includes "The Treasure Hunt" by LD Masterson. 

"The Treasure Hunt" is a story of Christmas past and present, of looking back and discovering what truly matters.

  The book was actually released last Tuesday but since I've been incapacitated for a while I'm doing a delayed announcement. If you're a fan of Chicken Soup for the Soul or looking for a nice Christmas gift or just want to give me a read, please check it out.

Purchase information and links are on the right side bar (in case you didn't notice).

Happy Thanksgiving to my friends in Canada.

Happy Monday to everyone else.

Thought for the Day:

Bad decisions make good stories.  (They really do.)

A Hump Day Celebration...and Funnies, Too.

Oh dear, my first Wednesday back and I'm late getting my Hump Day post up. But I have a really good reason. Really.

I had to stay up late last night and see my Red Sox win the American League Division Series. WOO WOO! Now we're on to the AL Championship series.

This could be interesting. The other team in the ALCS will be either the Oakland A's or the Detroit Tigers. My hubby grew up in Detroit. 

Yup, it could be a very interesting weekend at our house.

But I digress. You came today for your hump day funnies.

Let's start with a picture.

This is why my furbaby's a dog.

Now some thoughts to ponder...

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save my changes to the 400 page manuscript that I swear I did not make any changes to.

Office titles that make sense:

 

 

 Well, don't they?

Okay, I haven't been gone so long that I've forgotten your hump day "aw". This one's kind of a funny but I felt bad for the little guy so it was an "aw" for me.

 

How about you? A little "aw"?

That's it for today. Did you find a giggle or two to help you over the midweek hump and on the way to the weekend? I hope so.

I'm still making the rounds trying to visit everyone so if I haven't been to your house blog this week, I will be soon.

My Monday post next week may not be up until Tuesday. We're going out of town and I'm not sure I'll be able to post from there. But I have something special to tell you so please look for me.

Quote for Today: 

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~ Will Rogers

I'm Back and Look What I've Got

Hi. Remember me?

Yes, it's been a while. I've been a bit incapacitated but I'm trying to get back into the blogging grove and hope to visit you all soon.

The past two months were a mixed bag for me. Lots of lost time on my writing and two missed conferences I'd been looking forward to attending but there were some high points I'm going to be sharing with you over the next few weeks.

First, though, I'm very happy to be getting back to blogging by being part of the cover reveal for Stephen Tremp's latest, ESCALATION. 

Isn't that a great cover.

Here's a bit about ESCALATION:

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones” - Albert Einstein 

In Escalation, the final installment to Stephen Tremp’s Breakthrough Trilogy, a seemingly innocent discovery in Einstein-Rosen Bridges, or wormholes, becomes a Pandora’s Box—opening doors to other unexpected and unpredictable realities such as parallel universes, time/space travel, and an evil hitchhiker from another dimension.

Chase Manhattan has survived attempts on his life from numerous sources in his effort to destroy the technology. But he is far from safe. Now Chase and his comrades must not only break world renowned physicist Professor Nicholas Fischer out of prison a second time, but also smuggle him across hostile borders in Europe and the Middle East to prevent events threatening to spiral into World War III.

At stake: an end to Western civilization as we know it. The result: an epic clash where science and the supernatural take center stage, vying for mankind’s destiny. The setting is global as the world divides into an East vs. West climactic battle. The action is swift, adrenaline-charged, and non-stop. Unending twists and turns will keep the reader turning pages and wanting more.

Together, Breakthrough, Opening, and Escalation follow the lives of the unlikely participants from innocence to a coming of age through sacrifice, betrayal, passion, lust, unconditional love, and hope. Escalation will appeal to fans of modern-day science fiction, action, and horror.  

I know I can't wait for this release. How about you?   

I'm going to try to get around and see everyone as soon as I can. If you stop by, please say hi so I'll know you haven't given up on me.

New Word of the Day:

Googleheimer's - [goo-gle-hei-mers], noun: condition in which you think of something you want to look up, then forget what it is by the time you get to the computer