Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Hump Day Funnies -It's Kid's Stuff

Happy Hump Day

It's a young at heart hump day. Well, actually, just plain young. I've got all kid related funnies for you today. 

This joke came to me in an email with the subject line: Why Parents Drink.

The boss wondered why one of his employees was absent but had not phoned in sick, so he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper:
"Is your daddy home?"

A small voice whispered...

"Yes, he's out in the garden."'
"May I talk with him?"  
"Well, is your Mommy there?"
"Yes, she's out in the garden too."
"May I talk with her?" 
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes, a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" 
"No, he's  talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog man."
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"The search team just landed a helicopter."
"A search team? What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.... 
Yup, that would be one reason

I lost my youngest one time when he was a toddler. Had the neighbors out helping me search before I found him sleeping under a piled up blanket in the dog's bed. (True story.)

In honor of all this year's new and returning zombie TV shows:


Since that first joke was a bit long, here are a couple quickies.

FROM A MOM: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock my 5-year-old shouted from the back seat: "Mom, that lady isn't wearing her seat belt!"

FROM A POLICE OFFICER: It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner Jake started barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I  replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
FROM ANOTHER MOM:  While  working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly  shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of dentures soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this."
Of course, sometimes in our kids we see a shadow of things to come.

I think I know his father.

Here's a little memory for the young at heart (other body parts may be a bit older).

Come on, admit it.

Okay, time for your weekly "aw".

I had a lot of great pictures of kids sleeping with/on/under their pets but I liked this one. 
Reading a good book to a friend. What could be better?

Do you agree?

That's it for this week. Hope we got you over the mid-week hump and coasting toward a fabulous weekend.
Yes? Great!
Did you  have a favorite?
See you next week.

Dilemma of the Day: 
 I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. 


Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Who doesn't miss building forts? My kids are all in their twenties and they still talk about it.

Stacy McKitrick said...

"What'd he do?" Yep, that one was my favorite.

Maria Zannini said...

I think every parent of 2 and 4 legged beasties can identify with that first story.

I'm positive this is the reason most parents become silver or bald.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The last line is a groaner!
That cat being eaten is really patient.

Heather Holden said...

So many great funnies today! I think the cat dealing with that "zombie" needs to hang out with the reader at the bottom of this post instead... :P

Carol Kilgore said...

I like the picture of the little kid reading to the cat.

mshatch said...

Loved the aw; it looks like the kitty is really listening to that little boy.

LD Masterson said...

Susan G/K - Heck, I still remember doing them when I was a kid. And that's a LOOOONG time ago.

Stacy - Well, it's a reasonable question. *grin*

Maria - I'll bet the 4 legged beasties do it on purpose, too. Do you think they giggle?

Alex - I wonder how long he put up with it. Would have made a great video.

Heather - Good point.

Carol - Yeah, that one got me.

mshatch - He was probably reading a cat story.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

LOL! I miss building forts. Used to do it all the time.

The little kid hiding from everyone was funny.

LD Masterson said...

Diane - I wonder if he was hiding in a fort. *grin*

Robin said...

Those were great.

When I was a toddler I went to sleep on the front porch at Grandma's house. Everyone was in a panic when they found me. I guess the search had been on for a while....

Arlee Bird said...

This post was like going to a comedy club.

I used to love to build forts and the like. If you looked in my garage today you might think I'm still doing it.

Tossing It Out

Lexa Cain said...

Hi LD! I loved that poor, long-suffering cat, the short jokes had me ROFL-ing, and the "Aw" was so "Aw"! Have a great weekend! :)

Jennifer S. Pitts said...

I love the tooth fairy one! I remember the first time I saw teeth in glass in my Aunt's bathroom. It still gives me chills!!!

Linda G. said...

LOL at the "Why Parents Drink." Yup.

Love your funnies and aws! :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Those are all fabulous - but I especially love the guy on the phone! Too funny and too easy to imagine!!

Rhonda Albom said...

That first story . . . as a mum it is really scary . . . however, I did laugh.

Crystal Collier said...

Ah! I loved that zombie one. Too awesome.

Crystal's Blog said...

There's nothing like these precious child posts to start my Saturday with a smile. Thanks you, LD.

LD Masterson said...

Robin - Scaring grandparents is what toddlers do.

Arlee - Ah, so when you go out to the garage and hide, you really go out to the garage and hide.

Lexa - ROFL and Aw, my job is complete.

Jennifer - I was never sure which was scarier - my grandparents' teeth in a glass or their toothless smiles without them.

Linda G. - Says a lot about the gray hair, too.

Jemi - Imagine? I think my kids have done it.

Rhonda - Oh yeah, in a joke it's very funny but in reality it's our worst nightmare.

Crystal - Glad you enjoyed it.

Robyn - Happy weekend!

Mike Keyton said...

The cat and the zombie child made me laugh out loud. The cat's expression was spot on

Clarissa Draper said...

Awesome funnies!

LD Masterson said...

Mike - Absolutely!

CLarissa - Glad you liked them.

Sarah Allen said...

BAHA :) That search story :D I love it!!

Sarah Allen
(Writing Blog)

LD Masterson said...

Thanks, Sarah.

Emilyann Girdner said...

Wow... that's an awesome fort, lol :)

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Art Linkletter was right. Kids say (and do) the darnedest things. You've put together some really good funnies. We just got home from a trip to see a bunch of our grandchildren, and ack-chew-al-lee (dontcha love it when a little one says "actually"?) they kept us verrrrry entertained.

LD Masterson said...

Emilyann - Yeah, it's impressive.

Susan F.S. - I'm old enough to remember Art Linkletter's show on TV. It was wonderful.