Back From Vacation or A Soggy Blog

Happy Hump Day

I hope everyone got through last week without your hump day funnies to help you along. 

Hubby and I were in Puerto Rico with my eldest and his family, enjoying the kids' spring break.  It was the perfect getaway from the end of a long cold winter.

We spent time on the ocean.

 

And in the ocean.

And even in a pool that overlooked the ocean.

(We're at the edge of the pool. The darker blue behind is the ocean below us.)

Alas, all great things must come to an end, and that includes vacations. 

So here we are, back to the daily grind and needing a little something to get us over the midweek hump.

Hey, do you know the difference between friendship among men and friendship among women?

Friendship among Women:   A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.  The man called his wife's 10 best friends.  None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:  A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.  The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.  Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

Nah, I don't think that's true. Do you?

In keeping with my earlier pool picture, I think these guys have the right idea.

How about a couple kid jokes?

 Here's one.

As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued  and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. 

After mulling over my answers, she remarked, “My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.”   

We took a ton of pictures while we were gone (aren't you glad I'm not making you look at them all). Sometimes I think the kids started to feel like this.

Hey, it's hard to keep holding that smile.

Here's kid joke two.

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her injection.

 

“No, no, no!” she screamed.

 

“Lizzie,” scolded by her mother, "that's not polite behavior.”

 

With that, the girl yelled even louder, “No, thank you! No, thank you!"   

 Well...it's polite. 

I wanted to try to stay with the vacation theme for all of today's pictures and I even found one for your "aw".

Naturally, on vacation, a guy wants to kick back and put his feet up.

I think he's got it.

Are we there? Over the hump? I hope so.

(My midweek is a little off because we just got back so today feels like Monday to me.)

I'm still working my way through the 583 e-mails that arrived while I was gone so forgive me if it takes me a couple days to visit everyone.

Have a great week/weekend. See you here next Wednesday.

Question for Today:

Happy Hump Day - Kids Quotes and Random Funnies

Happy Hump Day

Hi. Are you looking for some funnies to get you over the mid week hump. Well let's see what we have today.

I'm still on a bit of a kid roll so most of today's jokes are out of the mouths of babes. The pictures are just random funnies I saw this week.

Let's start with a frustrated first grader.

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"

Speaking of talking...

This one strikes a memory for me.

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says a prayer for you each night? That's very commendable.What does she say?"

 

The  little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

Anyone relate?

I think all dog parents understand this one.

 Now there is a certain logic to this one.

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We  have been learning how powerful kings and queens  were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child  blurted out, "Aces!"

 I think someone's been playing a little Texas Hold 'Em

Kids are really big on logic if you think about it.

This child was answering questions about the ocean. 

"Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers."

 Well, yeah.

This picture doesn't go with anything but it cracked me up.

 

Check out that dog's expression.

Last one.

A doctor was taking her four-year-old to preschool. The doctor's stethoscope was on the car seat and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. 

 

"Be still, my heart," thought the physician, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"

 

Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

Oh, that's gotta hurt.

Ready for your "aw"?

How about this pair?

Can you feel the love?

That's it for today. Are you there? Over the hump and sliding down that slippery slope to the weekend?

Perfect.

Before I go, I've got to give a shout out to blog buddy DL Hammons and the

Here's a chance to share again your favorite post from earlier in the year, or maybe one that didn't get the exposure it deserved fist time around. Get all the details and sign up here. 

 

Have a great week. See you next Wednesday.

 

Thought for Today:

 

A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.

Hump Day Funnies -It's Kid's Stuff

Happy Hump Day

It's a young at heart hump day. Well, actually, just plain young. I've got all kid related funnies for you today. 

This joke came to me in an email with the subject line: Why Parents Drink.

The boss wondered why one of his employees was absent but had not phoned in sick, so he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper:

  

"Hello?"

 

"Is your daddy home?"

A small voice whispered...

"Yes, he's out in the garden."'

 

"May I talk with him?"  

"No."

 

"Well, is your Mommy there?"

 

"Yes, she's out in the garden too."

 

"May I talk with her?" 

"No."

 

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

  

"Yes, a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" 

 

"No, he's  talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog man."

 

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

 

"The search team just landed a helicopter."

 

"A search team? What are they searching for?"

 

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.... 

 

"ME!"

 

 

Yup, that would be one reason . 

I lost my youngest one time when he was a toddler. Had the neighbors out helping me search before I found him sleeping under a piled up blanket in the dog's bed. (True story.)

In honor of all this year's new and returning zombie TV shows:

 

 

Since that first joke was a bit long, here are a couple quickies.

FROM A MOM: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock my 5-year-old shouted from the back seat: "Mom, that lady isn't wearing her seat belt!"

FROM A POLICE OFFICER: It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner Jake started barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.

"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I  replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

 

FROM ANOTHER MOM:  While  working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly  shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of dentures soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this."

 

 

Of course, sometimes in our kids we see a shadow of things to come.

 

I think I know his father.

Here's a little memory for the young at heart (other body parts may be a bit older).

Come on, admit it.

Okay, time for your weekly "aw".

I had a lot of great pictures of kids sleeping with/on/under their pets but I liked this one. 

Reading a good book to a friend. What could be better?

 

Do you agree?

That's it for this week. Hope we got you over the mid-week hump and coasting toward a fabulous weekend.

Yes? Great!

Did you  have a favorite?

See you next week.

Dilemma of the Day: 

 I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. 

Kids, Animals, and Idiots - Hump Day Funnies

Happy Hump Day 

Life is intruding today so I'm a little late but I wouldn't want to leave you without a few funnies to get you over the hump.

Food for thought.

 

I've still enjoying this batch of kid jokes I found last week.

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. 

Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

This one is also true of working in IT tech support.

Another kid funny. I hope you're enjoying these.

I identified with this one.

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" 

Mentally polishing my halo, I said, "No, how are we alike?'' 

"You're both old."

You've got to love this face.

Of course, I'd never forget your "aw".

Here it is.

 

The expression on the dog's face did me in.

That's it. Hope those did the trick and got you over the mid week (or whenever you see this) hump.

Did you have a favorite?

Any plans for this weekend?

Quote for Today:

Write without pay until someone offers to pay. ~ Mark Twain

Touchstones

I saw my son on TV last night.  It was one of those community affairs programs and he was speaking as a Board Member of a local charity.  He looked good, dressed in one of his fancy banker suits, and his smile was as engaging on camera as it is in person.  He sounded confident and at ease as he answered the moderator's questions and I listened proudly while he talked about the organization and how the community could offer support.  But my eyes zeroed in on a tiny, almost invisible, line not far above his left eye - a souvenir from a collision with the coffee table when he was three. 



Afterwards, I thought about it and realized I'd actually searched for that tiny scar.  It look me a while to figure out why.

The successful banker/charity board member is someone I love very much, someone who lives in a world that I happily visit but have never lived in. This is the man my son grew into, the life he created for himself long after he left the nest.  If I looked hard enough at the image on the screen, I could almost see the teenager he had been, but there was no sign of the little boy who once shared my world with me. 

That little boy lives in my memories, he's there in a thousand photographs, but sometimes it's hard to find the boy inside the man.  I think that tiny scar has become a touchstone for me, a constant that provides a link to days long ago.   

So even while I watched the handsome man on TV, admiring his poise and taking pride in how well he spoke, I found that tiny scar...and saw my little boy.

So, how about you?  What touchstones do you have in your life?  What kinds of things provide you with a link to another time or place?  

Oh, in case you're looking - you can't see the scar in this picture.  It's just under his hair. 

Groaner of the Day:  A young boy had a job bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store manager had a machine installed for squeezing fresh orange juice.

The young lad was most intrigued by this machine, and he asked if he would be allowed to run it, to make the juice. The manager refused, and the boy demanded to know why.

"Sorry, kid," the manager explained, "but baggers can't be juicers."

Stormy Weather

There have been lots of posts/comments the last few days about wild weather and my little corner of the world was no exception.  We've had high winds, heavy rain, some hail, several tornado warnings (one touched down on the other side of town) and lots of flooding.  Plus there was a lightning strike that hit close enough to give me tinglies I could still feel a half hour later.

Then there was another kind of storm.  Out of town family.  My sister-in-law, my niece, and my three grand-nieces, age 9, 5, and 2.  The girls are all adorable, of course, and it was wonderful to see everyone - but talking about whirlwinds...   Did I mention they are 9, 5, and 2?

My grandkids are older.  I'd forgotten.

So I'm trying to catch up on e-mail and blog reading/commenting. 

Did I miss anything?

I'm currently enjoying: Black Water Rising by Attica Locke

Groaner of the day: A lion tamer is walking a lion around downtown New York when he gets a call on his cell phone from the big cat's owner. The owner is on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, and wants the tamer to bring the lion up so it can see the city.

On the ride up in the elevator, the animal becomes frightened, and attacks the tamer, mauling him severely.  When they get off, the owner says to the tamer: "Boy, you look awful!"

The tamer replies: "I'll tell you one thing, chief, I'm not taking this lion down!"