Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Guilty Dogs and Hospital Confusions

Happy Hump Day

Sorry I'm a little late posting this morning. It was one of those days where I just couldn't get out of bed.

You know the feeling.

And then I had to deal with this.

Personally, I don't believe them.

Then I got downstairs and found this!


Okay, I have to be honest. I didn't face any of that this morning. 
Well, maybe the getting out of bed part, not the other. My Sophie is very well behaved.

No more excuses. Let's get to your hump day funnies.

Everyone seemed to enjoy the church bloopers last week so I'm staying with that theme. But church ladies aren't the only ones who can give us a laugh. Today we have... 

Actual writings from hospital charts 
(Parenthetical thoughts are mine.) 

1 . The patient refused autopsy.  (Wouldn't you?)

2. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.  (Could be a problem.)  

3. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.  (For pete's sake, someone roll her over.)

4. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.  (Check under her legging.)

5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.  (Ya think?)

6. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.  (How's that again?)

7. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.  (Well, I'm glad we've got that timeline straight.)

8. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (OMG!)

9. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.  (Huh?)

10. Skin: somewhat pale but present.  (Could be very messy otherwise.)

11. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.  (Couldn't we use a table? Bed? Something?)

Gives you second thoughts about going to the hospital, doesn't it?

Now you need a good aw.
I admit I may have used this one before but I came across it again and it always gets me.

 Poor guy. Don't you want to give him a treat?

 Okay, that's it. Did we get there? Are you over the mid week hump?
Did you have a favorite?

Have a fantastic week. See you next Wednesday.

Thought for Today:

It really is that cold here.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Those were hysterical!
I'm not sure the cat would be capable of that much destruction.
And that last one is almost too true to be funny.

Mike Keyton said...

I can't pick out any one of those bloopers, they're all pretty incredible. Is there a book of them? There should be. And yes, I would give that dog my last cookie. I'm practising that expression.

Crystal Collier said...

Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Whew! I totally needed those hospital transcripts. Where do you find these things?

Stacy McKitrick said...

Hmmm... Those hospital bloopers makes me wonder if the PRESCRIPTIONS are written correctly!

And yes, I'd give that last one some of my cookie. Can't pass up a sad face like that. :)

Chris Fries said...

I loved the pics -- as a dog-lover, I've seen some of those looks before. :)

Also got a huge laugh out of the hospital bloopers. :) Breasts that are reactive to light and accommodation are the best kind. 8^)

And I agree with the last one! It's been much TOO cold!

LD Masterson said...

Alex - I think you underestimate the destructive power of cats.

Mike - There may be a book but I don't know of it. And I would have thought you already had that expression down pat.

Crystal - To be honest, I get email from a lot of really strange friends.

Stacy - Oh, I'm absolutely sure they are not. I know too many people who have been given prescriptions for medication they were deathly allergic, too. Including my mum-in-law (luckily, I caught that one).

LD Masterson said...

Oops, crossed comment paths with Chris - I'm glad you liked these. And, yes, all dog lovers have seen those expressions. *grin*

Leandra Wallace said...

That first one describes me PERFECTLY when it comes time to get out of bed, lol! And the last one, w/the chicken- too funny!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

LOL. I often wonder about the draft those long-hanging pants allow.
As if hospitals weren't scary enough as it is.

Scribbles From Jenn said...

It's not cold out here in So. Cal., but the traffic is ALWAYS bad. Those laughs are just what I needed before my hour drive home. Number three actually made me laugh out loud!

Murees Dupé said...

Dogs are always cute. Thank you for making me laugh.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

OMG - rectal examination? LOL!

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

I loved all the hospital chart lines, but your comments about them are even better. (My kinda humor!)

I understand SOME patients' heads might be found while doing a rectal exam, but a thyroid???

Jemi Fraser said...

Loved that last one!! :)
Might have to start checking our own hospital charts!!

Clarissa Draper said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your funnies! They make me cheery!

Kristin Smith said...

Oh my goodness! Thanks for the laugh. Those were just downright funny! I like the skin one and especially your comment too—had me laughing! Happy Hump Day! :)

Al Diaz said...

I laughed until I coughed. Too funny all of them. And yes, I do have a problem on daily basis to get out of bed! Dragon Hugs.

Lexa Cain said...

OMG - these had me rolling! I loved the first three and even showed my hubby the "it was the cat" and "that poop was here" ones. Great quotes from the hospital - I'm NOT going to that one. Good "aw" and very funny chicken. Thanks so much for making me (and my hubby) laugh today.

Maria Zannini said...

That chicken was especially funny today.

I often what would make a kid pull up his pants.

LD Masterson said...

Leandra - I think a lot of us can relate to that "getting out of bed" picture.

Susan G/K - I wonder more about how they walk with their knees tied together. *grin*

Jenn - I lived in the LA area for six years and will ALWAYS remember the traffic. Glad I could give you a laugh to get you through. (You know I just scrolled up to check which one was number three.)

Murees - My pleasure.

Diane - Mind boggling, huh?

Susan F.S. - Perhaps they had to get past the head to reach the thyroid. LOL

Jemi - I'm always afraid I'd take one look and run screaming into the street in my little backless gown.

Clarissa - I'm so glad. That's the plan.

Kristen - Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed them.

Al - Oh no. Did you cough out any flames? We don't want to get anyone toasted.

Lexa - I'm glad you both enjoyed.

Maria - Based on what I see around here, it's not the cold. said...

The man with the woman whose breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation must really, really like her. Seems like it'd be an awful lot of work just to get to second base.

Kaye George said...

I am laughing so hard it hurts!

Anonymous said...

So hilarious! Where did you dig up those hospital funnies?

The dog photos were too funny, although painfully close to reality. Every night after I fall asleep, my little dog drags her bed over and squeezes it in the tiny space between my side of the bed and the wall. She's always so surprised when I step on her. But, with time, even old dogs can learn. (ie now I scoot to the foot of the bed and swing my legs over before I stand...)

mshatch said...

Those were all good and yes, I do want to give that last doggie a treat!

Arlee Bird said...

Some mornings I wish I didn't want to get out of bed. Like this morning. I hate just lying there and not being able to sleep. Well at least I can get out of bed and not have to stay there because I'm in the hospital. No fun there.

Tossing It Out

Cate Masters said...

Funny bloopers! Hope I never have to visit that hospital though, lol

Donna K. Weaver said...

Thanks for the smiles. :D Have a great weekend.

Elizabeth Seckman said...

So, so very funny!! I never want that doc checking my thyroid!

Julie Dao said...

I laughed at all of the bloopers! Especially "the patient refused autopsy." Hmmmm! And you always have the cutest animal pictures!

alexia said...

Very cute! I think the pelvic exam is my favorite one :)

LD Masterson said...

Robyn - I'm still trying to figure out how they react t light. Squint?

Kaye - Oh dear, I don't want to cause pain.

barb - Isn't amazing how quickly they train us? LOL

mshatch - How could you not?

Lee - I'm the other way around. I do the sleepless thing when I first go to bed, sometimes for hours. but in the morning, I'm dead to the world.

Cate - I'm with you there. But I'm not big on visiting any hospitals.

Donna - Thanks. You, too.

Elizabeth - Lord, no!

Julie - I loved that one and you're the only person who commented on it.

Alexia - Well, I certainly wouldn't want to be on the floor.

Marcia said...

What's even funnier is that you can figure out how some of these mistakes were made. And whoever captured the expression on that dog's face is a good photographer! :)

Karen Lange said...

Wow, and some people say grammar and good writing skills aren't important! Thanks for the laughs today. :)

Chrys Fey said...

I needed that laugh. #1 and especially #9 did it for me.

Sherry Ellis said...

I like the last chicken thought of the day. Too funny!

I didn't want to get up this morning, either. Too dark and cold!

Carol Kilgore said...

Beware the doctor!

Dogs have got that look down, don't they.

Happy Weekend!

Robin said...

That last one cracked me up. I wish it was that cold here. I still see teenage boys with their pants hovering somewhere between their waist and their knees. Yikes.

LD Masterson said...

Marcia - Personally, I think dogs posed for the camera but pretend they don't. *grin*

Karen - You're welcome. (My grandkids call me the grammar lady. I'm always on them about good grammar.)

Chrys - Now see, I had to stop and scroll up to remember which were #1 and #9. LOL Glad I could give you a laugh.

Sherry - Sadly, I see them with their pants below their butt when it's below zero. Talk about frozen cheeks.

Carol - Oh yeah, they know how to fake it. Happy weekend to you, too.

Robin - See my answer to Sherry (back 2). Most don't have sense enough to pull their pants up no matter how cold it gets.

Linda G. said...

Okay, now I can't stop giggling. You crack me up!

LD Masterson said...

Linda - Yay. Giggles delivered while you wait.

Vanessa Morgan said...

I absolutely loooove those writings from the hospital charts. Are they real? Hilarious.

LD Masterson said...

Vanessa - Supposedly but I really have no way of checking. Either way, they're funny.

Crystal Collier said...

Emails, eh? I get strange posts from friends on facebook, but emails... Now there you go.