Merry Christmas from Whoever (Whomever?)

I'm still wrestling with my Google identity crisis but I can't let this week go by without a Christmas post, no matter who Blogger thinks I am today. 

This comes to you from LD Masterson (and hopefully, Blogger will agree).

It's been an up and down blogging year for me. More down than up. I disappeared to play catch up, got lost in a couple "his and hers" hospitalizations, and now I've got my mish-mashed accounts problem. So I'm just going to post this today, visit as many of you as I can over the holidays, and start fresh in 2017.

My Christmas gift to you is my favorite Christmas video -

 

The Silent Monks

(yes, I know the window runs over but if I shrink it, you can't see the image as clearly)

And after the laughs, if you'd like a less comedic version, here's one of my favorites .  

Peter, Paul & Mary with the New York Choral Society.

And now

Our stocking are hung...

the Nativity scene is on the lawn

and I'm wishing you and yours

Merry Christmas,

Happy Holidays,

and a

Wonderful 2017.

See you next year.

Not Feeling Thankful for Technology

There are a lot of things I'm thankful for this week. After a couple health scares, my hubby and I are both doing well. All our kids and grandkids are fine and we'll see them on Thanksgiving. We have a nice home, good friends, and a strong church family. I've even had some luck recently getting my short stories published. All good stuff.

What I'm not so grateful right now is technology.  Everything seems to be fighting me. First there's Google, who in its infinite wisdom has decided to merge my LD Masterson blog account with my Linda Leszczuk personal g-mail account. Lately, when I log in using my ldmasterson email (not a gmail address) it tells Blogger I'm Linda Leszczuk and wants to identify my blog comments that way.  And if I try to sync my phone to my personal account to upload photos, it dumps all the images that have ever been on my blog down to my phone.

Yesterday, things got worse. I also handle the e-mailing for our church disaster response team. That gmail account was set up originally by a guy named Dan and is only used for maintaining an email address list and sending messages to the team. Yesterday, I left a comment on my blog and Blogger attached Dan's name to it. I have no idea why.

Then there's my phone, which won't play nice with my computer. All I want to do is transfer photos from my phone to my Windows PC.  But when I connect the phone, it immediately tries to upload my photos to Dropbox. Unfortunately, the only Dropbox account I use is for exchanging file with my crit group and they really don't want to see all my family photos. So I downloaded the software that's supposed to let Windows talk to Droid devices. The software sees the phone okay but insists the phone is locked and wants me to unlock it. Problem is my phone isn't locked. Arrrgh.

Bottom line - I have some issues to deal with and they're all going to wait until after this holiday weekend so I will probably be off-blog next week while I try to sort it all out. 

In the meantime, for all my friends here in the States, have a wonderful Thanksgiving and for everyone else, have a great week. 

And here are a couple of my favorite Thanksgiving sillies...

By the way, if anyone knows who to disentangle Google accounts, I'll take all the help I can get. Thanks.

Take care, everyone.

Thought for Today:

 Ain't technology grand?

The Return of the Groaner!

Hi. When I first started blogging, I used to include a "groaner" (a.k.a. a bad pun) in each of my posts. It occurred to me that I haven't done that in a while. So today we celebrate

The Return of the Groaner!

Today's post will be all puns (except for the pictures).

Are you ready to groan? 

 

 

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. 

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. 

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. 

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. 

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. 

Well, I guess this picture is a pun.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 

A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 

A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it. 

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 

 This one isn't a pun. 

I just picked it because my book group meets tonight and I haven't finished the book.

 Okay, let's finish up with a slightly longer one. 

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp. 

Oh, that one even made me groan.

Let's get to your "aw".

Look at that face.

You know you said it.

That's it for today. Too many groaners at one time could be dangerous. Did you have a favorite? Which one was the big grooooan?

Have a great weekend. See you next week.

Question for the Day:

Why do we call a double-vee a double-u?

Veterans, Marine Birthdays, Tweets, Publications, and Funnies. Whew!

Tomorrow is Veteran's Day and, as always, I want to recognize those in my family who served their country so faithfully. 

WWII

My uncle George Masterson, US Army  

My uncle Leslie Masterson, US Army

My father Frank Masterson, US Army Air Corps

Korean War

My uncle William Masterson, US Army

Vietnam War

My cousin John Masterson, US Army

My brother Frank L. Masterson, US Army

My husband Stanley A. Leszczuk, US Air Force, ret. (20 years) 

 

By the grace of God, all of them came home,

 although some carried wounds that never completely healed. 

But today is also a special day in the military. It's the 241st birthday of the United States Marine Corps. I've never paid a lot of attention to the Marines. As you probably noticed, our family was Army and Air Force. Until this summer when my eldest grandson Drake enlisted in the Corps (deferred duty until he graduates from high school).

Drake graduates at the end of May and reports for boot camp the following week. I am extremely proud of him (and a little bit terrified). 

Happy Birthday to the United States Marines. Oorah.

If you check out my sidebars (go up a little), you may notice a couple additions. First, I've become a tweeter. Or whatever you call people on Twitter. I'm just getting started and still trying to figure out how I'm supposed to keep up with that steady flow of tweets. #overwhelming  If anyone has a tip or two, please share. And I'd really appreciate it if you'd follow me on Twitter to help me get started. I'll return the favor, of course. I'm @LD_Masterson. 

Now to the right, you'll see a link to New Zenith Magazine's Fall Issue. If you were happen to purchase New Zenith's Fall Issue and turn to page 44, you would find the fantasy short story "The Dragon" by yours truly. New Zenith Magazine is a relatively new publication but they put together an interesting assortment of stories, poetry, and art. Something for everyone. Check it out. 

Okay, you've been patient long enough. Here's your first funny.

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator said, “I can, what’s the name and room number?”

The old lady in her weak voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”

The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.”

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, “Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.”

The old lady said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!”

The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”

The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me sh*t.”

You remember why I can tell little old lady jokes, right?

I have been trying to lose weight. Think this would work?

Yeah, I didn't think so either.

Running a little long today so let's get to your "aw".

The eyes. Oh, look at those eyes. 

That's all for today.  A little short on the funnies but I hope I gave you a giggle and an aw.

Do you have a special veteran you'll be thinking of tomorrow? 

By the way, thanks for all those great captions for Buster's picture last week. I do have a prize to give.  I tossed the names of everyone who offered a caption into a hat and did a blind draw. I know, I have to learn to use the electronic winner picker.  And the winner is (drum roll please)...Mason Canyon.

Mason gets a digital copy of New Zenith Magazine's Fall Issue. 

Mason, will you email me at lin[at]ldmasterson[dot]com to receive your prize?

Thanks, everyone. See you next week.

Thought for Today:

When you're feeling insecure, remember - you're comparing your ordinary days to everyone else's highlight reel.  (Or Christmas letter.)

Happy Day-after-Halloween

Note: this was going to be my Halloween post but a flooded basement threw me off schedule so...Happy Day-after-Halloween.

 Here are some funnies for you in keeping with the holiday.

Our neighborhood does an annual Halloween parade and the local high school marching band joins in, with the students all in costumes. This year, a couple band moms uncovered a box of old guard (flag corps) uniforms. Add a little makeup and the band this year was followed by...

Zombie Band Moms!

Now that's the stuff Halloween nightmares are made of.

And before you ask, no I am not in that group.

But my daughter-in-law is.

Moving on...

Halloween and graveyards always seem to go together. 

Here are a few actual headstones, mixed in with a few pictures that seemed to fit.

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: 
Born 1903--Died 1942. 
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the 
car was on the way down. It was.

Bad move, Harry.

 Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up 
and no place to go. 

Think about it.

 

Here lies Johnny Yeast. 
Pardon him for not rising.  

A headstone groaner.

Yeah, we all know that feeling.

Here lays The Kid, 
We planted him raw. 
He was quick on the trigger, 
But slow on the draw.   

Eternally bad poetry.

 Okay, shifting gears here. 

I have a challenge for you.

Give me your best caption for this picture.

(I may even come up with a prize.)

If it helps, this gentleman's name is Buster.

He's one of my grandpuppies.

And even though Buster might have gotten an "aw" 

(more likely a giggle or a snicker)

I still have your regular "aw" of the week.

 Everybody needs a buddy.

Okay, that's it for now. Did you find something in here to make to smile? 

Giggle? Chuckle? Laugh out loud? 

I hope so. Did you have a favorite?

Don't forget to leave your caption for Buster's picture.

Thought for Today:

 

Back in the Saddle Again. Sort of.

Hi gang. Sorry for the unexpected vacation. As you probably figured out from my abbreviated post a couple weeks ago, I took a little detour through our local hospital.

I had quite a time. I got sick on Sunday but I didn't want to go to the ER on a Sunday evening - who wants to be treated by the only doctor who couldn't manage to get Sunday's off? - so I pushed through to Monday morning and managed to get an appointment with my family doctor...

...who immediately sent me to the ER.

I got there mid-day Monday, did the usual waiting around thing, had a CT scan, and was admitted. On Tuesday morning I was told things weren't too bad and I should be released that afternoon, but that afternoon someone took a second look at the scan and thought they saw "micro-air bubbles". Now, many people would say I'm always full of hot air but it seems there are some places in the body where air bubbles are a big deal and not in a good way. I was informed I was staying another night and having a second scan.

My husband was keeping our sons apprised of my progress via text messages. As soon as he informed them of the micro bubbles, my eldest texted me this link:

You knew what it was going to be, didn't you? Yeah, my boys love their little old gray haired mother.

I had the scan Tuesday night, and figured I'd be getting out on Wednesday. But on Wednesday morning a doctor came charging in, telling me not to drink or eat anything... the second scan showed more bubbles and I was having emergency surgery.

SAY WHAT?!?

Several doctors came in and out, all confirming I'd be having surgery as soon as the surgeon was available and she'd explain it to me when she got there. So I waited, in surgery prep mode, until 2:30 that afternoon, when the surgeon arrived and told me...no, she wasn't going to do surgery.

(Feel free to pause and listen to this. It's one of my favorites, from the Peter, Paul and Mary Holiday Concert)

Basically, the surgeon wants to try a non-surgical approach first (which is pretty unusual for a surgeon). She certainly didn't get any argument from me.  So I spent a couple more days in the hospital until I was deemed well enough to be at home and that's where I am now. That whole surgery option is still out there but I'm taking the optimistic view and hoping to avoid it.

Wish me luck.

And I owe you a couple funnies.

Have you seen this fella? 

 Yeah, I had a couple like him.

Had to love them anyway.

How about a travel joke?

A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.

The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a great holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense and I won't take 'no' for an answer."

He took them inside and asked his secretary to arrange two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. As could be expected, they gladly accepted, and were off!

About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop.

"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.

"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me...

Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with?"


(Did you see it coming?)



Have you been spending a lot of time online?
Wonder what else you could be doing.

Well, it's just a thought.


And, of course, your weekly "aw".
Here's a face for you.

You know you said it.

That's all for today. I hope I gave you a chuckle, a smile, or even a good old LOL. Have a great week and I'll be around to visit you soon.

Thought for Today:

During a long drought, the mayor called for a town meeting to pray for rain. Everyone turned out to pray. But one boy brought an umbrella. 

And that is the definition of faith. 

Not My Fault

I'm sorry, I know I owe you some new funnies but I hit a detour.

Guess where I am.

Yup. And this definitely wasn't in my gameplan.

No gory details, but I maybe be offline for a bit. Posting on Blogger by phone is a pain. And I'm dealing with enough of those.

You all be good and I'll be back as soon as I can. 

Thought for Today:

You're going to stick that where?!?

As Promised - Just Funnies

Hey! I've been promising you an all-funnies post for a couple weeks now and here it is.

Well, one personal note... my grandson was over last night and we watched the season premiere of American Horror Story on TV. We were a couple minutes late and the dog started without us. He shouldn't watch those things alone.

You may remember I claim the right to tell little old lady jokes because I am one. I like this one: 

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the seniors' special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "but I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.

 "I'm afraid so," said the waitress.

 "I'll take the special then," my wife said. 

"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake."

Yup, that's what I'd do.


You know, I shouldn't let that dog watch so much TV, but it does keep him out of trouble. I hate to keep posting these...

And I mean the big cruisers, not just the little X wings.

 How about a little something to exercise your brain and not just your funny bone. Try this...

A farmer died leaving his 17 horses to his three sons.  When his sons opened up the Will it read: 

My eldest son should get 1/2 (half) of total horses; 
My middle son should be given 1/3rd (one-third) of the total horses; 
My youngest son should be given 1/9th (one-ninth) of the total horses.

As it's impossible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9, the three sons decided to go to a farmer friend who they considered quite smart, to see if he could work it out for them. The farmer friend read the Will patiently, after giving due thought, he brought one of his own horses over and added it to the 17. That increased the total to 18 horses.

Now, he divided the horses according to their father's will.

Half of 18 = 9. So he gave the eldest son 9 horses.
1/3rd of 18 = 6. So he gave the middle son 6 horses.
1/9th of 18 = 2. So he gave the youngest son 2 horses.

Now add up how many horses they have:

Eldest son 9
Middle son 6
Youngest son 2
TOTAL = 17

Now this leaves one horse over, so the farmer friend takes his horse back to his farm.
Problem solved!

Um, can you run that one by me again???

Let's switch from math to English.

Yeah, I know you did.

Here's a little mechanical funny:

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"

WIFE: "In the pool."

 Well, she tried to tell him...

Okay, here' s your "aw" for today. I dare you not to say it for this guy.

Don't you want to run and get him another one?

That's it. Did you find a chuckle in here somewhere? A giggle? A good old LOL?

I hope so. Did you have a favorite?

Have a great weekend and I'll see you next week.

Thought For Today: