A New Anthology and Some Hump Day Funnies

Happy Hump Day.

It's been an exciting spring for me with the recent release of two anthologies containing stories of mine, Still Me After All These Years and Fish Out of Water - A Guppy Anthology, and two more on the way. Plus, this weekend I received word that another story has been accepted for an anthology scheduled for release in the fall. I seem to be on a roll.

(Major happy dance going on over here.)

Coming up next is Busted! Arresting Stories From the Beat, which will include my short mystery "Annie Get Your Goat." Busted! is being released by Level Best Books on April 25, 2017. Again, I'm in great company. Check out this list of terrific authors and stories:

• “Justice Due” by Jack Bates
• “Thicker than Water” by Micki Browning
• “No Mulligans” by Leone Ciporin
• “Bygones” by Bruce Robert Coffin
• “Last Call for Buffalo” by Randall DeWitt
• “Fall in New Hampshire” by Sharon Daynard
• “Most Evil” by Peter DiChellis
• “Bad Friday” by Martin Edwards
• “Deadly Discovery in Dallas” by Sanford Emerson
• “The Woman in White” by Tracy Falenwolfe
• “Ida Mae Buys a Crown Vic” by Kate Flora
• “Get Along Little Dogie” by CC Guthrie
• “The Letters of Patrick Bushell” by Gavin Keenan
• “Afternoon Delight” by Steve Liskow
• “The Program” by Cyndy Edwards Lively
• “Becky’s File” by Ruth McCarty
• “The Drive By” by Alison McMahan
• “Annie Get Your Goat” by LD Masterson
• “Chains” by Claire Murray
• “Christmas Shift” by Dale Phillips
• “Truth, Grace and Lies” by Adele Polomski
• “The Cattle Raid of Adams” by Keenan Powell
• “Goldie” by KM Rockwood
• “The Owl and the Pussycats” by Verena Rose
• “The Runner” by Steve Roy
• “No Safe Place” by Harriette Sackler
• “The Man Who Wasn’t Missing” by Brenda Seabrooke
• “Play Dead” by Shawn Reilly Simmons
• “Sensitivity Training” by Albert Tucher
• “Pet Peeve” by Kari Wainwright
• “Burning Bright” by Vicki Weisfeld

 I can't wait to read this one. 

But it's hump day and I know what you're here for so... 

here's a hump day funny for you.

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it. 

He got an A.

Well, what grade would you have given him?

Remember those crazy newspaper clippings

from last week?

How about a desk calendar?

 Ya think?

 Here's an interesting item.

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

 I'll admit it. That one cracked me up.

Okay, I have a challenge for you.

Look at this week's "aw" picture,

and try not to say "aw".

 Betcha couldn't do it.

That's it for today. Are you there? Over the midweek hump and sailing toward the weekend?

Good! Then my work here is done. Did you have a favorite?

Have a fabulous week/weekend. See you next Wednesday.

Common Sense Tip of the Day:

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

All Hump Day Funnies (No Commercials.)

 Happy Hump Day

And since I really owe you some funnies with no self-promotion attached - today is an All-Funnies Post. So let's dive right in.

You know the media has taken a lot of hits lately with suggestions of "fake news" and such, but I find my local newspaper very informative.

There's national news...

 local news....

money saving coupons...

 and occasionally a really useful ad in the classified section.

Well, let's be honest here. I usually just read the comics.

Has anyone been in the hospital lately? If you have, you'll understand this next one.

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?" "Norma Findlay, Room 302." "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse." After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone. "I have good news.Her nurse said Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her latest blood work is normal, and her doctor has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday." The grandmother said, "Oh, that's wonderful!  I was so worried!  Thank you. God bless you for the good news." "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?" "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me sh*t."  Go Granny. Okay, one more... A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan. What was that for?" the man asked. "That was for the piece of paper I found in your pocket with the name 'Jenny' written on it." "Dammit, woman. You're always jumping to conclusions. When I went to the track last week, Jenny was the name of a horse I bet on." His wife was immediately sorry, and offered to make him his favorite dinner. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out of the chair. As he got up, he asked her, "Now what was that for?" His wife replied, "Your horse phoned."   Did you see that one coming? Okay, time for your "aw"... We've done some bigger animals the last couple weeks but I'm still a sucker for dogs and babies.   You, too? Okay, did that do it? Are we over the hump? Oh well, we'll get there. I hope you found a giggle or a chuckle or even a good old guffaw to get you over the mid-week hump. May the rest of your week be great and your weekend fantastic.  See you next time. Thought for Today:  A smart person knows what to say. A wise person knows whether or not to say it.