Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Weddings and Hunters and Bye Bye for a Couple Hump Days

Happy Hump Day

Are you here for some funnies to get you over the mid-week hump? Well, that's great because I happen to have some for you.

This one will appeal more to the ladies but I think you guys can appreciate it, too.

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father's new wife to exchange it, but she refused.

"Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it."

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear...I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.''

Here's a report of "shots fired" I'd like to see.

A friend dropped by the other day and shared this:

We had a power outage at yesterday. My PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad, iPod, and my new surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat, and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee and remembered that this also needs power, so I sat and talked with my husband for a few hours.

He seems like a real nice person.

Ouch, I think there's a warning in there.

I couldn't decide if this next one should be a funny or an "aw".

What do you think?

But I saved this one for your "aw".

I love these unlikely friendships.

I'm afraid these funnies are going to have to carry you over a couple more humps. I'm leaving this weekend with our church disaster recovery team to work on a re-build project in New Jersey. 
(Were you aware they're still re-building from super-storm Sandy out there?)
I'll be off line - except for the occasional Facebook-by-phone post - for the next two weeks. Please come back and say hi on April 9.

Hope these got you over this week's hump with maybe a little left over.
See you in a couple weeks.

Groaner for Today:

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.  
'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.  
'A golf gun? What's a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Cats, Dogs, Snow, and New Releases

Happy Hump Day

Yesterday it was 70 degrees in Dayton. The sidewalks were full of people walking, jogging, strolling with their dogs. My tulips and daffodils are up about four inches and many of the early blooming shrubs have new buds.

Right now it's snowing. Hard. Big fat flakes. With high winds and a projected low tonight of six degrees.

I think Mother Nature is seriously annoyed with us.

However, I have something good to celebrate today. The release of blog friend Stephen Tremp's new book -
 The Adventures of Chase Manhattan

Don't you love this cover?

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones” - Albert Einstein. In Escalation, the final installment to Stephen Tremp’s Breakthrough Trilogy, a seemingly innocent discovery in Einstein-Rosen Bridges, or wormholes, becomes a Pandora’s Box—opening doors to other unexpected and unpredictable realities such as parallel universes, time/space travel, and an evil hitchhiker from another dimension.

 This is a book and a series you don't want to miss.

Now - on with our hump day funnies.

First, something for you cat lovers.

This is why I have a dog. (hee hee)

But at least cats catch mice:

 That helps, right?

And we dog people have problems, too.

Note to the Dogs:
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.
Also, the proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Thank you.
Your Human

Time for your weekly "aw". 

 If that didn't get you, you've never rescued a friend.

 Are we there? Over the hump and sliding toward the weekend.
(Did you have a favorite?) 

As I finish this, the temperature is still dropping and the wind has totally removed the dry leaves I piled around my new flowers this morning.

Oh, by the way, I do have my car back. Now I need a service call for my wallet.
Have a great week, everyone.

Quote for Today:

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Hump Day and Car Thieves

Happy Hump Day
I'm having a strange week. So much so that I'm going to tell you how it began as your first hump day funny.

Monday morning I get in my car, put the key in the ignition, and turn it to start the engine. Nothing. The dash displays are on and so is the XM radio, but no engine. Then I notice the message on the dash info system: "KEY NOT ACCEPTED".

Huh? I remove the key and try again. Same thing. I get out of the car and try the various buttons on the key - you know, lock, unlock. Nope they're not working either. Okay. I decide the battery inside the key must be dead so I go back inside, get my spare key, and start over. With the same results. "KEY NOT ACCEPTED".

Picture this now: I have somewhere I need to be. I'm in my own garage, sitting in my own car, using my own key, and I can't go anywhere because my stupid car thinks I'm a car thief!
I'm not going to share any of the things I said that morning, but it wasn't pretty.

So I'm carless this week, which makes me crazy, especially because I couldn't get to the bookstore yesterday to pick up my copy of Pearls and Poison, the new release by a favorite author of mine, Duffy Brown.

Pearls and Poison is the latest in the Consignment Shop Mysteries series. I loved the first two, Iced Chiffon and Killer in Crinolines. Can't wait to read Pearls and Poison. I highly recommend you check out all three.

Okay, I've got a joke for you. It's a tad long for a hump day post but I thought it was funny.

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer . He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One's in Arizona, the other's in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine. It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.

Hasn't affected my brothers though."

Here's someone who found some fun in this too long and snowy winter.

I'm running long today so let's cut to your weekly "aw". You're going to love this one.

Admit it. You know you said it. 

That's it. Hope this got you over the hump and on the way to a great weekend. Did you have a favorite?

In case you're wondering, it was the anti-theft module in my car that failed. I'm waiting now for the new one (on order) to be installed.

Quote for Today:

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~ Douglas Adams.