Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Doing Prom Right & Hump Day Funnies


Cranky old ladies like myself often yearn for the good old days. We talk about how much better things were back then and how the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Teenagers are a favorite target. Lazy, disrespectful, and don't even get me started about those drooping britches...

Actually, I like today's teenagers. Through my grandkids, I've gotten to know a lot of them and they give me hope for the future. They've also figured out some things I think we had completely wrong. Case in point...High School Prom.

When I was in high school (back in the dark ages), if a girl didn't get asked to prom by a boy, she simply didn't go. Period. End of discussion. A boy could go stag, if he really wanted to; but it basically meant paying for a tux and a ticket to stand around the punch bowl while the couples danced.

It's different now. Sure, a lot of teens go to prom as couples. Boys ask girls. Sometimes girls ask boys. But they also go in non-coupled groups. Groups of girls, groups of boys, or all mixed together. And no one thinks anything of it. 

My granddaughter's prom was last weekend. She opted to go with a group of girls. And they were geared up to have a great time. (Which I heard later, they really did.)

 I think these kids are on to something.  How about you?

Short hump day funnies: 

A guy broke into my apartment last week.  He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick son of a...  

Don't wear headphones while vacuuming. I just finished the whole house and realized the vacuum wasn't plugged in.

Not so short hump day funny:

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. 

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job. 

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine. 

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:  

"Oh God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?" 

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke:

"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

I'm sorry. It just made me laugh.  Okay, let's cut to your"aw".  

Can your resist this face? 

I couldn't either.

That's it for today.Hope these funnies got you over the mid-week hump and heading for the weekend. See you next week. (Please, don't forget to say hi.)

Question for Today:

Why are people my age so much older than I am?

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Who's the Birdbrain?


I'm an idiot. No, really. I appreciate you disagreeing (you did disagree, right?) but I have proof.

I love birds. I have a half dozen feeders around my back yard filled with various kinds of seed, and two bird baths - one heated to ensure they have drinking water in the winter. I especially like the feeder that hangs from a hook clamped to the deck railing because it brings my little feathered friends close to the kitchen window.  It's the type with a plastic seed container inside a metal cage. The cage is on a spring that causes it to drop when anything heavier than a bird (i.e. a squirrel) lands on a perch, so that it covers the feeding ports and keeps the seed for birds only. 

A couple of months ago I did a routine cleaning of all my feeders, which involved taking them apart to wash the insides. Since then I noticed the deck feeder wasn't being visited as usual. Birds would land on the perches but not stay to eat. This often means there's a predator in the area and I did spot a hawk a few times. But even when there were birds at all the other feeders, this one was ignored. Once or twice a week I would dump the seed onto the paving stones under the feeder and re-fill it with fresh, just in case the seed was the problem. The seed I poured onto the stones was quickly scarfed up by both birds and squirrels but the feeder remained abandoned. I was confused and a bit disappointed. 

This morning, I went to dump the untouched seed from that feeder and put in new, and something strange caught my eye. When I took it off the hook, the cage moved in my hand and covered the feeding ports, as expected, but when I hung it on the hook and let go, the cage was still covering the ports. At first I thought the spring was broken but the cage was moving up and down just fine. I took the feeder down again and studied it more closely.  None of the feeding ports matched up to the openings in the cage or to the perches. The last time I'd taken the feeder apart, I'd put the cage on sideways (rotated 90 degrees). The birds weren't eating the seed because they couldn't get to it. 

It took me MONTHS to figure this out.

I'm an idiot!

The feeder is now fixed and we'll see how long it takes for some brave soul to check it out and realize the chow line is open again. Hopefully, they'll be quicker than I was. 

For Hump Day...a friend sent me this. I'm not sure which dog shaming site it came from, but I love it... especially the part about not living near a beach.

Something a little different for your "aw" this week.

 Did you say it?  I did.

That's all for today.  I hope my little bout of idiocy gave you a laugh. 

For my Jewish friends, I wish you a joyous and blessed Passover. 

For my Christian friends, I wish you a joyous and blessed Easter.

See you next week.

Thought for this week: 

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Happy All Funnies Hump Day



But please bear with me today. While juggling a couple deadlines, a major landscaping project, and an upcoming wedding, I totally dropped the ball on writing this post.

So instead of any pearls of wisdom from me, today you get all funnies.
(Okay, stop applauding.)  

Here we go. 

 Made me laugh, this did.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the speaker and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall and I found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it okay if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if it will make you happy."
WOMAN: "Oh, thank you, sweetheart. I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "Okay, but for that price I want all the options."
WOMAN: "Wonderful! You're so good to me. Um, one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "Darling, thank you! I'll call right now. I love you so much!"
MAN: "I love you, too. See you later."

The man ends the call. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He looks around and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?” 

Did you see it coming?

But a writer's gotta write when a writer's gotta write.

This next one sort of explains why I dropped the ball on this post...

Yeah, I'm looking a little scary.

I know my last couple "aw"s have been about eyes,
but I just couldn't resist this guy's.

Come on, you know you said it. 

 That's all for today. I hoped you found something here to give you a laugh and help you over the mid-week hump and on your way to the weekend.  Did you have a favorite?

I'm going to be offline all day today but I'll be around to see you later in the week. Have a great week.

Quote for Today:

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.  ~ Mark Twain


Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Food for Thought (And a Little Silliness, Too)


First of all, the answer to the question I know has been keeping you up nights this past week...

The chocolates arrived intact and the Marine is a happy camper! 
(I should have made him send me a selfie of him enjoying one. LOL)

Today, I'm just offering miscellaneous silliness and food for thought.

Food for thought - Part 1

Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

If poison expires is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

PSA: Our church held its bi-monthly blood drive today.  I've been a regular donor for several decades, and I'm delighted that my 17 year old granddaughter and my granddaughter-to-be (the Marine's fiance) have become regular donors, as well. So few young people consider donating blood. Did you know only 37% of all Americans are eligible to donate blood, and less than 10% do?

Are you a blood donor?

Food for thought - Part 2

Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

Have I mentioned I'm a big tea drinker? 
Seriously. I've never been able to develop a taste for coffee.
But I'm not sure I've had this particular brand. 

Food for thought - Part 3 

Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, and scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

Okay, you've earned your "aw".
How about this one?

No, not the cute little girl or the kitten.
It's that poor heartbroken dog.
Don't you think he deserves an "aw"?

Okay, that's all for today. I hope you're sailing through this week and heading for a great weekend.

Do you have any little morsels of thought for me? 

Quote for Today:

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. ~ Winston Churchill