Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Hump Day Senior Funnies

Happy Hump Day

Well, I had a pretty interesting week. How about you?

Last Thursday, our volunteer Disaster Recovery Team was called out to help with the clean up from a small tornado that touched down one town over.  Luckily, no one was hurt and there was minimal structural damage but lots of trees down.  Our chainsaw crew cut them up and the rest of us hauled the limbs and trunk pieces to the curb for pickup. 

 Was I sore after? Oh, yeah.

 But I perked up over the weekend for a special event. Our younger grandson's Confirmation.
Isn't he handsome?

He even tied his bow tie himself. No clip-ons for this young man.
(He said it only took him twenty minutes.)

Okay, on to your funnies.

I've done a few little old lady jokes lately. Let's give the guys a turn.

An old man loses his job but, because of his age, can't find a new one. So he decides he'll have to live off his wits instead. He opens a clinic and places a sign in the window that says:

“Get Treatment For Any Condition - $50, If Not Cured Get Back $100.
Limit three visits per patient.”

The young doctor in town sees the sign and figures he will show up the old man and earn a quick hundred dollars in the process, so he goes inside and says, "I need help. I've lost my sense of taste."

The old man tells his nurse, "Bring medicine bottle seven and place three drops on this patient's tongue."

The nurse complies.

The doctor quickly spits out the liquid, saying, "That's not medicine, it's gasoline."

"Wonderful," the old man replied. "You have your sense of taste back. That will be fifty dollars."

The doctor is furious at being fooled and returns the next day to earn back his money. "I've lost my memory," he told the old man. "I can't remember a thing."

"Nurse, bring bottle seven and place three drops on this patient's tongue."

"Wait a minute. I'm not falling for that one again. That's gasoline."

"Excellent. Your memory is restored. Fifty dollars, please."

The doctor pays the fee but comes back the next day for one last try, determined to get his hundred dollars back.

"Please help me. My eyesight is failing. I can barely see."

The old man thinks for a minute then says, "I'm sorry. I can't do anything for you. Here's one hundred dollars."

"Oh no," the doctor tells him. "You can't trick me. That's only a fifty dollar bill."

"Congratulations, your eyesight is all better. That will be fifty dollars."

I guess the moral of the story is...don't mess with senior citizens. 

And for you teenagers who think you're putting one over on your poor ancient teachers...

Nope, you're not fooling anyone.

Running a little long here so let's go straight to your "aw".

The caption almost made this one a "funny" but the poor little guy was an "aw" for me.

How about you?

Did that do it? Enough of a boost to get you over the hump and coasting toward the weekend?
I hope so.

That disaster work has put me behind schedule on a couple end of month deadlines (and the month ends TOMORROW! Yikes!) so I won't be visiting anyone for a few days. I'll try to catch up soon.

Congratulations to everyone who completed the A-Z challenge this month.
Please stop by next Wednesday. I've got something special for you.
Have a great day/week/weekend.

Thought for Today:

Ain't it the truth?


Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Your grandson is very handsome. Old age and experience will beat out youth and energy any day.

Stacy McKitrick said...

Love your grandson's bow tie! I don't think I could have tied it that good in 20 minutes. Maybe two months. :)

Murees Dupè said...

I think that old man is brilliant! The aw always gets me. It is great that you could help out with the disaster relief. Take good care of yourself.

LD Masterson said...

Susan G/K - Absolutely!

Stacy - Yeah, I was impressed.

Murees - Thank you.

Linda G. said...

1. Your grandson is a handsome lad!
2. Love the brilliant old man in that story.
3. Awww.
4. That's why I try not express opinions online. *grin*

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Glad no one was hurt in the tornado.
Congratulations to your grandson.
That old man was really clever.
And the texting sign is awesome!

Maria Zannini said...

You take such great pictures. I always look like a refugee.

And your grandson has your smile. The bow tie really makes the look though. :)

Re: old man joke
Think I'll pass that on to my old man.

Julie Dao said...

Your grandson is such a handsome, dapper little fellow! And I loved that joke about the old man and the doctor - that'll show that uppity young'un! ;)

Robin said...

I really liked the joke for today. Don't mess with old people. They'll get you every time.

That Aw made me happy-sad, but the texting note.... hilarious.

Misha Gerrick said...

Hahaha the message from the teacher made my day. ^_^

Misha Gerrick said...

PS best of luck with hitting those deadlines!

Cathy Kennedy said...

Fabulous doctor humor! lol And, your thought for the day is dead on the money. Expressing your opinion online is a sure fire way to start an argument. lol. Although, it was a lot of fun, I'm happy the A2Z challenge is done for the year. :D

LD Masterson said...

Linda G. - Love your list of 4.

Alex - Hey, another four-part comment. Thanks!

Maria - I thought I looked like a neon pumpkin. lol

Julie - You should see him after football/wrestling/lacrosse. Dapper wouldn't be the word. But he cleans up nice.

Robin - Oh yeah, we seniors mean business. Glad you liked the texting note. It cracked me up.

Misha - Thanks..on both.

Cathy - Congratulations on making it through the A-Z. You were braver than I was.

Mike Keyton said...

I don't normally go for the 'aw' pictures, but that one got me. The crotch story got me thinking of when I was invigilating in an all girls school in New York. The sly minx's would ink answers on their inner thighs. I never looked. Honest.

Kaye George said...

Thanks again and kudos for your clean up work!

cleemckenzie said...

You have every right to be proud of that grandson. He must be proud of his grandmother, too! She volunteers to help out her community AND she writes books.

Sandi said...

This whole post made me smile. Thanks.

Love the bow tie. Handsome young man!

LD Masterson said...

Mike - It's okay, we believe you.

Kaye - Thank you!

C. Lee - Personally, I think I'd have to write a book about football or lacrosse before he'd notice.

Sandi - Thank you, on both.

Al Diaz said...

The texting sign, my favorite!! Thanks for the chuckle today. :)

Sherry Ellis said...

Fifteen minutes and the baby was out? That was close!

Sherry Ellis said...

Fifteen minutes and the baby was out? That was close!

LD Masterson said...

Al - I have teenage grandkids, they spend all their time staring at their laps.

Sherry - I have a sneaking suspicion you're referring to the latest post, but if you're talking about the story of my appearance in the world - Yup, I guess that was before I became a world class procrastinator.