Merry Christmas from Whoever (Whomever?)

I'm still wrestling with my Google identity crisis but I can't let this week go by without a Christmas post, no matter who Blogger thinks I am today. 

This comes to you from LD Masterson (and hopefully, Blogger will agree).

It's been an up and down blogging year for me. More down than up. I disappeared to play catch up, got lost in a couple "his and hers" hospitalizations, and now I've got my mish-mashed accounts problem. So I'm just going to post this today, visit as many of you as I can over the holidays, and start fresh in 2017.

My Christmas gift to you is my favorite Christmas video -

 

The Silent Monks

(yes, I know the window runs over but if I shrink it, you can't see the image as clearly)

And after the laughs, if you'd like a less comedic version, here's one of my favorites .  

Peter, Paul & Mary with the New York Choral Society.

And now

Our stocking are hung...

the Nativity scene is on the lawn

and I'm wishing you and yours

Merry Christmas,

Happy Holidays,

and a

Wonderful 2017.

See you next year.

First Hump Day of 2015

Happy First Hump Day of 2015

I've been thinking about making some changes to my blog routine but, to be honest, I haven't quite worked out what I want to do and since this is your first hump day of the new year, I'm staying with my usual hump day funnies. 

But first, let me ask you...did you have a good New Year's celebration?

You didn't party too hard, did you?

Oh good. I wouldn't want you to end up like this.

Or feel like this.

But you're okay, right? Wonderful.

Today's funnies come from those dear church ladies, who give us these wonderful 

Church Bulletin Bloopers.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.  (Oh my.)

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. (You'll need a really big envelope.)  

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. (And the robes are getting a little shabby, too.)  

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. (Ouch.)  

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." (Um...)

These last two feel related...

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. (I really must start my New Year's diet.)

Thank you, Ladies.

Now for your weekly "aw".

I know we see a lot of little animals with their stuffed friends but this one was a definite "aw" for me.

Was it for you?

Okay, are we there? Over the hump of this first full week in 2015 and sailing toward the weekend?

Great!

Did you have a favorite? 

Have a fantastic week/weekend and I'll see you next Wednesday, if not before.

Question for Today...

(I'm sorry. But it is sort of post-Christmas and I thought it was funny.)

Merry Christmas

To all my online friends -

Wishing you a 

Merry and Blessed

Christmas

and a 

Healthy and Prosperous 

 New Year.

(I'll be back in January. See you then.)

What! Christmas is Next Week?!?

Happy Hump Day

Wait a minute. This is supposed to be my last Hump Day post before Christmas. That means...oh my gosh! Christmas is a week away!!!!

I'm not ready. I having more shopping to do, and wrapping, and planning Christmas dinner for the whole family. 

I should have known it was coming. There are signs everywhere. Even in my own house. 

In my living room. 

In my family room. 

 

Over the fireplace. 

But how did it get here so quickly? 

Okay, tell you what. How about if I just share a couple of my favorite bits of Christmas funnies.

The Politically Correct Twelve Days of Christmas
 
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
 
a.. TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
 
b.. ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note)
 
c. TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping

d. NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression

e. EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans
 
f. SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands
 
g. SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
 
h. FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration. 

NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, hens and  partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further  Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.
 
i. FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
 
j. THREE deconstructionist poets
 
k. TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses, and
 
l. ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

 

 Number eight has always been my favorite.

(Bovine-Americans...hee hee hee).

And here they are...those fabulous Silent Monks.

I love that video every Christmas.

I wouldn't forget your "aw".

I know we see lots of cute pics of sleeping pups, but this little one is definitely somebody's furbaby.

 

It got me.

Not only is this an "on the run" post - it will be one of two this week. 

Come back by on Friday for my post in DL Hammons'...

Okay. Was that enough to get you over the hump? I hope so.

Are you ready for Christmas?

 A Happy and Blessed Hanukkah to my Jewish friends.

Quote for Today:

I love the Christmas-tide, and yet,
I notice this, each year I live;
I always like the gifts I get,
But how I love the gifts I give!
~Carolyn Wells

Grumpy Hump Day

Happy Hump Day - Sort of...

I'm wrestling with Internet issues today. One of my email accounts appears to have been hacked and is sending bogus email in my name. And Google, in its infinite wisdom, has decided I need protection from Spam comments, even though I keep telling them I don't.

If you're kind enough to leave me a comment, you'll probably see that annoying "prove you're not a robot" verification. This is NOT my idea. I've re-set the Word Verification to off until I'm blue in the face and I can't make that thing go away. If anyone has any helpful hints for me, please share.

Since words are giving me so much trouble today, this post is going to be light on text and heavy on pictures. Hopefully ones that make you laugh.  

This one just tickled me.

You've got to give him credit for trying.

Have you ever been in this position?

At least he came back to check.

This looks exactly like my son's dog.

And that sounds like an excuse he'd use too. 

(If he could talk, of course.)

While we're thinking of Christmas, how true is this?

Yeah, you know you do it.

If you're a writer, or know a writer, here's a great Christmas idea.

Well, why not? Everyone reads in there.

Time for your weekly "aw". I was thinking of using another family picture this week but then I came across this one. It was just made for a good "aw".

Don't you agree?

So here we are - over the hump for this week and just two weeks away from Christmas.

If you're responsible for holiday decorating, shopping, wrapping, entertaining, etc., you're probably screaming for time to slow down. 

Here's a tip. 

Find your inner child. The next two weeks will drag on forever. 

I'm off to go wrestle with Blogger and my email.

Have a great week and an ever better weekend. See you next Wednesday.

 Quote for Today:

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ~Mary Ellen Chase

Sharing Thoughts on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving week here in the states so I'm going to vary from my usual hump day post today to share a few thoughts on the holiday. (To my friends in other lands who aren't celebrating a holiday this week, please bear with me.)

There's a lot of controversy right now on the subject of stores opening on Thanksgiving afternoon or evening to get a jump on the "Black Friday" shopping frenzy.  I don't think it's about the stores...it's about the shoppers. If any of these stores open tomorrow and no one comes to shop because it's a special holiday, next year the store will probably stay closed. I do not expect this to happen.

Does anyone remember Blue Laws? When I was growing up in Massachusetts, stores weren't allowed to open on Sunday, because..well, it was Sunday.  (Pharmacies were allowed to open but could only sell medicines or first aid supplies.)  Sundays were for church and for families. Then the laws were repealed in some areas and people would drive to those areas on Sunday to shop, and the laws slowly disappeared. Now we all shop on Sunday and no one thinks anything of it.

In a few years, I imagine Thanksgiving will be just another shopping day and Christmas will be the last day considered "special" enough to put our need to consume on hold for one day.  Until it isn't.

It's up to us, of course.



A word of thanks here to all those who have always worked on "holidays" - police, firefighters, health care providers...all those whose work must be done every day for the sake of the rest of us. Bless you all.


This Thanksgiving will be a hard one for our family because of an empty place at the table. I know a few of you are facing the same thing. My prayers are with you.


But I have so much to be thankful for this year, the list would fill this post and several more. So I'll go with the biggie: tomorrow both of my sons and daughters-in-law and all the grandkids will be here with hubby and me to enjoy a traditional turkey dinner.  Doesn't get much better than that.

Will you share something you're thankful for this week?

Now let me close with a couple of my favorite Thanksgiving funnies...

Those two always get me.

Don't forget to share something you're thankful for this week.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, or if this isn't a holiday week where you are, just have a wonderful week and I'll see you here next Wednesday.

Thought for Today:

Years from now, will they remember that 'great' gift you scored on sale, or the special times you shared?

An After-Christmas Gift for Your Hump Day

Happy Hump Day

I mentioned last week that I was going to do something a little different this week. Before we get to your hump day funnies, I want to share a little something from my Christmas.

As far back as I can remember - and that goes pretty far back - we always had tinsel (or icicles) on our Christmas tree. It was the only decoration that we considered 'disposable'.  The last thing to go on and the first to come off, and be thrown away, before all the other ornaments were packed away for next year.

But a few years back, when it was time to decorate our tree, I discovered most stores had stopped selling tinsel. No one we talked to was quite sure why. Probably a health hazard of some kind, another one of those things I've used or done for most of my life that has now been deemed unsafe. So there would be no tinsel on our tree. There would be a lot more ornaments, though. That was the first Christmas after my dear mum-in-law had passed and we had brought her Christmas ornaments home to add to our own.

Not surprisingly, all of Mama's ornaments were very old and very well cared for. Most were still in their original boxes. But there was also something wrapped in several sheets of tissue paper. I carefully unfolded the paper and discovered...tinsel. About two boxes worth, I guessed, each strand carefully laid out and saved from previous years.

We used Mama's tinsel that year, and saved it for the next. I've since found a store that still sells tinsel and I bought several boxes but they remain unopened  For now I use Mama's, and I take the time to remove each strand after Christmas and return it to the tissue paper wrapping for next year. It reminds me of her, and it also reminds me of how easily we throw things away. We've become a disposable society. It's easier to discard what's old or broken or would take too much effort to save. Things, relationships, people. 

Mama knew it's important to save what we have. To care for, repair, and cherish. She left this knowledge for us, wrapped in tissue paper. to be opened and remembered every year. I thought it was a gift worth sharing with you.


And since it's hump day, here are a couple funnies for you.

Yeah, you knew he was gonna do it.

I read that no word in the English language rhymes with month , orange, silver, or purple.

You're trying to think of words that rhyme with these, aren't you?

Does anyone else find it odd that three of these words are colors? 

Here's an interesting sign.

Oops, you just did, didn't you?

That's okay, here's another one.

Okay, enough of this nonsense, let's get to this week's "aw".

Here's something a little different.

You liked the loving squirrels a couple weeks ago. How about a pair of loving owls?

Yes?

Okay, I hope you're over the mid week hump and good to go for the weekend. 

And just for my own curiousity - does anyone else still use tinsel on their Christmas tree?

 

 See you next week.

Quote for Today:

"Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense."    ~ Mark Twain 

Last Hump Day Post of 2013

Happy Hump Day

What was I thinking? I should have known I'd forget to do this post the week before Christmas. I'm always ridiculously behind this time of year.  But I won't leaving you to struggle over the mid-week hump without a few laughs to give you a boost, so here's goes...

This isn't the least bit Christmassy but it cracked me up. 

Look at those faces. Ever felt like that? Come on now, fess up.

While Christmas shopping I ran across some great t-shirts. Here are a few of my favorites.

For the English majors/writers among us:

and

 

Prefer Math class to English?

I like this one.

 

Oh, you're not worried about dragons. How about cats?

 

Here's one we can all agree on.

 

How about a visit to our friends the church ladies and their wonderful bloopers.

 

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
 

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
 

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
 

I guess you need a pretty envelope. 

This next picture is just so I add in something for Christmas.

 

 

Now for your "aw".

This one worked for me even without the words.

Did it work for you?

Okay, that's it. Hope we're all over the hump and heading for the weekend.

This will be my last post until after the holidays so I leave you with my warmest wishes for a

Very Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays

and a

Healthy and Prosperous New Year.

Quote for the Day: 

Let there be Peace on Earth and let it begin with me.

(Okay, it's a song lyric, but it works. See you next year.)

Looking Ahead to Christmas on Hump Day.

Happy Hump Day

I don't know about you, but this time of year I'm not trying to get over the midweek hump to get to the weekend faster - I'm trying to stretch the week out as long as possible to get all my Christmas preparations done.

Every year I have great plans to get a jump on things. Shopping in done in October.  Christmas letter and cards started in November. All the decorations up on Thanksgiving weekend.

It's not really my fault. I've been badgering the kids (both generations) to give me their wish lists for weeks. And if I write the Christmas letter too early, something wonderful might happen after I'm done that won't get included.  And, of course, there's that painstaking process of making sure both sons' families get equal space (in pictures and in text) so neither can pull the "you like him best" routine.  Yes, I know they only do it to make me crazy, but it always works.

So since I'm in a Christmas frame of mind, I'm going with a Christmas theme today. Some of these have been making the rounds for years but even so, they still make me laugh. Hopefully, they'll work for you, too.


The Politically Correct Twelve Days

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me...
 
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note)
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration. 
[NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.] 
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE deconstructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
and
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
 
Merry Christmas. Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Oh, heck!  Happy Holidays!!!! *
 
*Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.

The "enslaved Bovine-Americans" cracked me up.

I think most everyone has seen some version of this video but I still love it. Take a couple minutes and enjoy:
The Silent Monks performing the Hallelujah Chorus.



Running a little long already so how about we just add in a little mischief.  Grab this and go get someone.

Oh, don't worry - I didn't forget your "aw".  In fact, I couldn't decide on one picture today so you get two.

This one just felt Christmassy to me. Must be the lamb.

This one reminded me of all the dogs who have been part of our family, and who made and kept this promise so well. 

By the way, I'll be posting twice this week. I'm joining in Lexa Cain's and Julie Flander's Destination Blog Hop.

My plan is to post on Friday. Please stop by.

Okay, that's it. Hope we got you over the hump - if you were trying to get there - or at least gave you a short break from the holiday stress.  Did you have a favorite?


Quote for Today:

Christmas Shopping: Wouldn't it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn't have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in "Gift certificate for a flu shot."  ~ Erma Bombeck

My High Tech Christmas Nightmare

I decided to post today about my high tech nightmare.  This runs a little longer than my usual posts but then, if it was shorter, it would have only qualified as a bad dream.

* * *

I’m not a cutting edge technology kind of person. Some people find this strange since I spent twenty plus years managing an IT department but that was work. Home is different. My computer is…well, let’s say past its prime and the grandkids are always poking fun at the little flip phone in my pocket. Our entertainment system was not exactly state of the art but it served our needs.

Or it did until recently when the DVD player began getting persnickety. It developed a bad habit of freezing up and refusing to show the rest of whatever movie we were watching, usually at the worst possible moment (“I know who the killer is. It’s—” FREEZE). So for Christmas my beloved spouse bought me a new DVD player. Not just DVD – a Blue Ray. With 3D!

A couple days after Christmas, I got the new player out of its box and looked at the installation guide. Piece of cake. Just one cable and the power cord. Then I looked at the TV stand where the Blue Ray would go. There were three boxes under the TV—the cable box, the old DVD/VCR (we’d stopped using the VCR part years ago), and the surround sound control box—but only two shelves. The cable box was sitting on the old DVD, which had a nice sturdy metal case. But the new Blue Ray was lightweight plastic, and I couldn’t set the Blue Ray on either of the other two without blocking their cooling vents. What I needed was a third shelf.

I was trying to jury rig some kind of third shelf and went so far as to suggest getting a new stand when another thought occurred. Our old TV couldn’t show 3D. It wasn’t even HD.

“Um, honey…?”

On New Year’s Day, beloved spouse and I went out and ordered a new 47” flat screen, HD, 3D, state of the art TV. And a new stand…with three shelves, of course. The nice man at the store also sold us an expensive HDMI cable to connect the TV to the cable box. That made sense to me because I knew the Blue Ray player needed an HDMI cable, which I was certain I’d seen in the box.

In preparation removing the old TV and stand, I disconnected all the speaker wires from the back of the surround sound box and eased them through the opening in the back of the stand. I immediately noticed that half the labels that matched wire to speaker had fallen off and I had no idea how to hook them up again. This necessitated a visit from our grandson who climbed into the crawl space below the family room and tugged on each wire, yelling through the floor what direction it came from, until I had them all re-labeled.

The big day arrived. The delivery guys set up the stand, positioned the new TV, hooked the incoming coax cable to it should to make sure it worked, and left. I disconnected the coax cable, positioned the cable box on the top shelf inside the stand and used my new HDMI cable to connect cable box to TV. The cable box became hysterical, with much flashing of green lights. I rebooted the cable box several times. Same thing. Have to call tech support.  I was on hold, waiting, when the cable box abruptly decided to accept its new friend and went to its normal time display. I gathered my courage and turned them both on.

Hmmm. Not quite the picture I was hoping for. An hour or so later, after reading the installation manual (written, of course, in Greek), adjusting the settings, and placing a couple phone calls to one of my techie sons, the picture is a thing of beauty. Then I spent another half hour or so programming the cable remote to talk to the TV. It will, but the TV remote has functions the “universal” cable remote doesn’t so I’m still going to need both remotes.

Now for the sound. I study the back of the old surround sound box. Hmmm. No port for an HMDI cable. Technically, the surround sound box is supposed to be the control center for everything else. The old TV, the cable box, and the old DVD player were all hooked into it, audio and video; but I didn’t need my techie son to tell me this box could not handle the HD, 3D video we’d just paid a small fortune for.

Good grief. Were we going to have to buy a new surround sound system, too?

Okay, I did call techie son. But only to ask him how his TV, surround sound, etc. were hooked up. Maybe there was another way. Eureka. There was. He used his HD TV as his center, with all devices plugged into it and just the audio output from the TV running to the sound system. I went back and studied the new TV. Sure enough, there was an audio output jack. Of course, it was not designed for any of the nineteen thousand cables I had scattered all around the room. It would only accept an optical digital cable.

“Honey, on your way home tonight, could you pick up…”

In the meantime, I dragged all the newly labeled speaker wires through the hole in the back of the stand and got them attached to their proper posts on the back of the surround sound box, a process that required me to stuff the upper portion of my overweight body into the stand and position a flashlight under my chin so I can find the posts. The optical digital cable arrived and I installed it. Changed the settings on the TV audio output and voila! Beautiful sound coming from the center speaker. Just the center speaker.

After several hours of re-programming the TV and the surround sound settings, all six speakers had joined in. Then there was more programming of the remote. We were getting close now. It was almost time to install the new Blue Ray player. You remember, the Christmas gift that started this whole thing. First, I needed that other HDMI cable. It had to be here somewhere. I remembered seeing it. Didn’t I?

Re-check manual. Oh. Not included.

“Honey, on your way home tonight, could you pick up…”

I plugged the new HDMI cable into back of the Blue Ray player, positioned it on the second shelf (the surround sound was on the bottom), and fed the cable and the power cord through the back of stand. I climbed around back and started to connect the cable to the TV.

It was too short.

I cannot repeat in this blog what I said at that moment, let it suffice to say there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth before I determined that the HDMI cable running to the cable box on the top shelf was longer and I was able to resolve the problem by simply swapping the cables.

With great excitement, I turned on the Blue Ray player and popped in a disc. The picture was incredible. The audio...not so much. I was back to one speaker again. More programming. Problem resolved. Now to test it in 3D.

Um. We didn't have any movies in 3D.

“Honey…”

While I waited for a 3D disc, I programmed the universal remote to talk to the Blue Ray player. It will, but the Blue Ray remote has functions the universal doesn't.  So I'll still need all the remotes.

Finally, it was time. I put the disc in the Blue Ray play. Switched the TV to 3D mode. Beloved spouse and I put on our 3D glasses.

"Ice Age 4: Continental Drift."  In 3D.  Fantastic.

Merry Christmas

So, tell me...any high tech or even low tech "putting it all together" stories from your Christmas?

Question of the Day:  (just one cause it was a long post)

Can you cry under water?

Because You Never Know...

I started taking down our Christmas tree last night.  Yes, I know, I'm late.  I just wasn't in the mood on New Year's Day and it hasn't felt like an urgent need.  But I'm getting around to it now.

Un-decorating a tree is sort of like that accounting term, LIFO (last in, first out).  The last decorations to go on the tree have to come off first.  For us, that's always been the tinsel.

As far back as I can remember, tinsel was considered a disposable decoration.  Before Christmas, you bought a box or two of the very inexpensive thin silvery strips; had the usual argument over tossing handfuls at the tree versus carefully placing it one strip at a time; then, when the holiday was over, pulled off the tinsel and dropped the tangled mess in the trash before carefully removing the "real" decorations and packing them away for next year.

Until a couple years ago... when I went out to buy tinsel and couldn't find any.  No one was stocking it.  No one seems to know why.  Had it fallen out of favor with the younger crowd?  Been declared a health risk?  Could only be imported from some country we'd stopped speaking to?  No answer.  So we decorated the tree without tinsel that year, and it never seemed quite finished to me.

Some of you may remember, we lost my dear mum-in-law, Eleanora, in the fall of 2010.  Mama was a woman who had known real hardship and she never took having anything for granted. She was the lady who washed and re-used aluminum foil, saved the wrapping paper off gifts she received, and usually tucked away the gift for "someday". 

As her only family, everything that was hers came to us.  This included her Christmas decorations, most of which she'd not put up in years.  Last Christmas, we divided the fragile glass ornaments between our home and her grandchildrens', so everyone could have memories of her on their tree.  Then we found a long, thin, soft, wrapping of tissue paper.  Inside, carefully laid out so it wouldn't tangle, was a lovely pile of tinsel.  Mama hadn't bought a new box every year like the rest of us.  As always, she saved what she had and used it again. 

So that's what we did.  Last year, Mama's tinsel graced our tree, and was carefully packed away again when Christmas was over.  And it was Mama's tinsel I was carefully removing last night.

Eleanora Leszczuk knew that you took care of what you had, instead of blinding assuming there would always be more. 

She was a very smart lady, don't you think?


Groaner of the Day:  A man rushes into a vet's office, carrying the limp and lifeless body of his beloved pet gopher.

The vet takes the animal and puts it on an examination table.  After examining the limp form, the doctor tells the man that his pet, regrettably is dead.

The man, clearly upset and not willing to accept the obvious, demands a second opinion. So the vet goes into the back room and comes out with a Black Labrador.

The dog sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the Lab thinks he's is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his beloved pet is dead. So the vet brings in a Siamese cat and puts the cat down next to the gopher's body.

The Siamese sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the gopher's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the Siamese thinks he's dead, too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers,

$650.00."

"$650.00 just to tell me that he's dead?!" exclaims the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50.00 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600.00 was for the Cat Scan and the Lab Tests."

(ouch)