Tornadoes in Ohio and Furniture Woes - Part Two

Happy Hump Day.

Okay, I'll admit it right up front. I'm cheating a little on your hump day funnies this week. I'm running behind on my editing and since you all seemed to really like last week's post, I'm going to give you Furniture Pet Woes - Part Two. Plus a joke or two, of course.

Before we start, I had an interesting experience this past weekend I'd like to share (part of the reason I'm behind on other things). Last week, a tornado touched down not too far from here. No causalities but it destroyed one home and did major damage to a number of others. I went out with our church disaster response team to help. The lady we were helping had quite a bit of damage to her house, which luckily insurance would take care off, but she was very concerned about her barn. This barn was built in the late 1800s and a more modern structure would probably have been flattened. As it was, the storm pealed back the metal roof like a can opener and knocked a big hole in the framework. Her immediate need was getting all the wet hay out of the wooden lofts before rot could set in. So she handed us some pitchforks and we got to work. It was the first time I'd ever used a pitchfork. I think I have a knack for it.

One crew tossed the hay from the lofts to the floor then another one moved it outside. I was in the second team. It went well until one of the upstairs crew decided to use a shovel to scrape up what was left and push it over the side - directly above where I was working. I don't want to tell you what he dumped on my head but the shower I took that night was very hot and very long. (Go ahead and laugh. My grandkids thought it was hysterical.)

We also spent some time walking the farm fields, gathering large pieces of debris - mostly tree limbs and pieces of metal siding. Biggest thing we found...a telephone pole, sheared off at its base and still trailing its wires, sitting in the middle of a bean field. We never did figure out where it had blown in from. I wish I'd gotten a picture of it for you.

Okay, let move on to your hump day funnies.

One thing we didn't cover last week was the age old problem of sectionals.

And then there are slippery chairs a poor kitty can slide right off of.

That 'slide right off of' problem seems to happen with couch cushions, too.

Why, a poor pet could disappear and be trapped forever.

It's just too horrifying to think about.

Let's switch to a joke. 

I'm picking on little old ladies again. 

(Did I tell you I just turned 65?)

 
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit. 

'May I see the new baby?' I asked. 

 'Not yet,' she said. 'I'll make coffee and we can talk for a while first.' 

 Thirty minutes passed and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' 

 'No, not yet,' she said. 

A little while later, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?' 

'No, not yet,' replied my friend. 

 Growing impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?' 

 'When he cries.' she told me. 

'When he cries? Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?' 

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'

 Oh, come on. That was funny.

Time for your "aw".

I almost didn't use this one because it was a little blatant in the "aw" department.

But it was just too cute to pass up.

Don't you think?

Did we get there? Over the hump and coasting toward the weekend?

 I hope so.

Did you have a favorite?

Have a fantastic weekend - Memorial Day Weekend for my friends here in the States.

See you next week.

Quote for Memorial Day:

"The price of freedom is eternal vigilance."  President Thomas Jefferson

 

Furniture Woes, PK Hrezo's New Cover, and the 2014 Write Club is Coming!!

Happy Hump Day

Here we go with some hump day funnies to get you through the week or just through the day, whenever you stop by.

My pictures today are all on the same theme: pets and people furniture. 

You know, sometimes they don't always go together.

There are cracks in the seats to slip through...

and in the backs as well.

Sometimes it's a size issue.

And sometimes...um...I'm not sure how to explain this one.

Maybe we better move on to a joke.

I'm a little old lady, so I can tell these...

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asked, 'Are you a stranger here?'

He replied, 'I lived here years ago.'

'So, where were you all these years?'

'In prison,' he said.

'Why did they put you in prison?'

He looked at her, and very quietly said, 'I killed my wife.'

'Oh!' said the woman. 'So you're single...?!'

Okay, let's break from the funnies for a minute for some great news. 

First, we have the cover reveal for PK Hrezo's Butterman Travel sequel,
INDUCTION DAY

The year 2069 is coming to a close, and eighteen-year-old Bianca Butterman's pilot license is finally official. She's ready for the Induction Day she’s waited for since she was a kid—the one that will secure her name on the Butterman family tree of time travelers. But ever since the media discovered Bianca is pop superstar Tristan Helms’ latest new honey, everything Bianca does or says becomes a target of criticism. Having her professional credibility topping the gossip sites across social media is an open invitation for the government to step in and regulate Bianca’s Induction. Now she will have to ask herself if saving 1500 people from drowning is worth losing everything she’s ever worked for, including the Butterman family biz.

 

Great cover and it sounds like a terrific story. You can add it to your GoodReads shelf by clicking HERE.

Congratulations, PK.

Second news item:

IT'S BACK!

DL Hammons' fabulous Write Club for 2014 is now accepting submissions.

Haven't heard about the Write Club? I'll let DL explain...

"It’s a modest writing competition whose inspiration was derived from the movie FIGHT CLUB.  There are numerous versions of this concept around the internet, but nothing like we do it here.  This unique approach, combined with your participation, continues to set it apart from the other writing competitions and is responsible for its phenomenal growth.  Its essence embodies simple, good-natured competition, with lots and lots of fun sprinkled on top. 

Over the course of eight weeks I’ll be holding twice-weekly bouts in which the winners will advance to the play-offs, which will ultimately lead to a single champion.  Bouts between who…or what…you ask.  Anonymous 500 word writing samples, submitted under a pen name by anyone who wishes to take part, that’s who.   The writing can be any genre, any style (even poetry) with the word count being the only restriction.  It’s a way to get your writing in front of a lot of readers, without having to suffer the agony of exposure. 

And the winners are determined by WRiTE CLUB readers!"

Sound like fun? Of course it does. So hop over to the Write Club site for all the details and send in your submission.         

Now, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking I forgot your "aw". 

Never!

I'm staying with my "pets in furniture" collection but this one qualified as an "aw".

The eyes did it for me.

How about you?

That's it for today. Hope you found a smile or a chuckle or even a good old belly laugh. 

Did I get an "aw"?

Did you have a favorite?

Have a great day, week, weekend...oh heck, have a great everything.

See you next Wednesday.

Scientific Fact for Today:

The National Institutes of Health has just released the results of a $200 million research study completed under a grant to Johns Hopkins. 

The new study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

 

 

Hump Day Funnies and a Cover Reveal for Margo Kelly

Happy Hump Day

It's a beautiful spring day here in SW Ohio and I'm about to abandon my computer for a garden that's calling my name.

But first, a little something to get you over the mid week hump.

Ever wonder what dog selfies look like?

Ellen's Oscar selfie has nothing on these.

I feel for this guy.

Don't you?

I was hunting for a good dog joke to go with today's pictures but I found this one instead.

Ever since I was a kid, I've been afraid there was someone under my bed at night. I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got a problem. Every night I think there's somebody under my bed and it spooks me so bad I can't sleep."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Three session a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?" I asked.

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.

"I'll sleep on it," I said.

Six months later I ran into the doctor on the street.

"Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.

"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money. A bartender cured me for $10."

The doc got all huffy and said, "Is that so? How, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now."

I like a simple, low cost solution.

Have you seen those People of Walmart pictures?

Nuff said.

Okay, I stayed with dog pictures for your "aw" but I have to admit it's the expession on the kid's face that got me.

Did you say it?

Now, something special. I'm pleased to be part of the cover reveal for 

WHO R U REALLY? 

Thea's overprotective parents are driving her insane. They invade her privacy, ask too many questions, and restrict her online time so severely that Thea feels she has no life at all. When she discovers a new role-playing game online, Thea breaks the rules by staying up late to play. She's living a double life: on one hand, the obedient daughter; on the other, a girl slipping deeper into darkness. In the world of the game, Thea falls under the spell of Kit, an older boy whose smarts and savvy can't defeat his loneliness and near-suicidal despair. As Kit draws soft-hearted Thea into his drama, she creates a full plate of cover stories for her parents and then even her friends.

Soon, Thea is all alone in the dark world with Kit, who worries her more and more, but also seems to be the only person who really "gets" her. Is he frightening, the way he seems sometimes, or only terribly sad? Should Thea fear Kit, or pity him? And now, Kit wants to come out of the screen and bring Thea into his real-life world. As much as she suspects that this is wrong, Thea is powerless to resist Kit's allure, and hurtles toward the same dark fate her parents feared most. Ripped from a real-life story of Internet stalking, Who R U Really? will excite you and scare you, as Thea's life spins out of control. 

About the Author:  

Margo Kelly is a native of the Northwest and currently resides in Idaho. A veteran public speaker, Margo is now actively pursuing her love of writing. Who R U Really? is her debut novel and will be published by Merit Press in September 2014. Margo welcomes opportunities to speak to youth groups, library groups, and book clubs.

 

Links:

Website: www.margokelly.net

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21444891-who-r-u-really

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MargoWKelly

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MargoKelly.author

Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/who-r-u-really-margo-kelly/1118847853?ean=9781440572760

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Who-R-Really-Margo-Kelly/dp/1440572763/ref=la_B00JY4LYZS_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398971448&sr=1-1

 To celebrate the cover reveal for Who R U Really? Margo Kelly is giving away TWO Advance Reader Copies of the book! 

Visit www.margokelly.net to enter by Sunday, May 11, 2014!

Okay, that's it for this week. 

Are you over the hump and coasting toward the weekend? Excellent! 

Don't forget to visit Margo's site for a chance to win an ARC of her book.

And, of course, please say hi and let me know if anything here struck your fancy.

Have a wonderful weekend.

(I'm going to go be at one with the earth now.)

Thought for Today:

Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

Hump Day and Tuxes and Crooks, Oh My...

Happy Hump Day

Okay, you all know I'm a grandmother...well, actually I go by Nana...and like all good Nanas, I'm faintly obsessive about my four incredibly bright, beautiful, talented (okay, I'll stop) grandkids. Most of the time I keep this blog "obsession free" but my eldest went to his first prom last weekend and I just gotta share some pictures. Humor me, okay?

 

I got to help him get ready, which I loved. He needed some assistance with those cufflinks.

 

They were a little stiff at the beginning of the photo session... 

 

 

 

 But when they forgot about us and focused on each other, it was lovely.

 

And, of course, I have to include one close up. 

 

See, that wasn't too bad. Only four shots out of a hundred and...um, never mind.

Now on to your hump day funnies.

Do you enjoy stories about dumb would-be criminals?  Let's see if these give you a laugh.

A man walked into a Louisiana convenience store, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and demanded all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.

(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the man. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

(I almost feel sorry for him.)

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 AM, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

(Is this like the bank robbery that was thwarted by the clerk who told the robber he'd written his "this is a hold up" note on the back of another bank's withdrawal slip so she couldn't accept it?)

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

(I'm torn between laughing and saying "ewwwww".)

Maybe these crooks need a hobby.

 

 Or not.

I'm running long so let's cut straight to your weekly "aw".

This one could have been a funny but it made me say "aw". 

How about you?

And we're done!

Thanks for putting up with the Nana brag.  I'll try to keep them under control.

I hope you're over the mid week hump and sailing toward the weekend.

Make it a great one.

Question for Today:

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

(Oops, I slipped back into Nana mode. Sorry.)

Off to Church on Hump Day...Sort Of

Happy Hump Day

First, I want to thank DL Hammons again for choosing me for a blog blitz last week. It was a blast receiving comments from so many new guests. I received over 200 comments between the two blogs involved so it will take me quite a while to return all your visits but I really appreciated everyone who came by and especially those who became Followers.

On to hump day.

This has got to be the greatest hump day picture ever.

Don't you think so?

We've a lot of fun from time to time with church bulletin bloopers. 

How about these minutes from the Deacon's meeting?

The newly elected secretary for the Deacon Board at church submitted this report:

 
Deacon Meeting Minutes
October the something Deacon's meeting.

Present was most of the deacons; one was absent.

Chairman Tad asked Luke to say something, and he did.

New officers were needed; some of us were arm twisted into taking the positions. 

Some old business was remembered, and most of it had been approved. What wasn't was not important.

We tried to think of some new business, but it was decided that we're too old to be new.

Some of the deacons were getting tired so we decided to get out of the meeting.

(Secretary's note: I said I would type the meeting minutes; not that they would be worth a hoot!!)

Yup, that's the kind of minutes I'd take. 

Of course, good church goers never judge others. Including this young lady.

 A gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do.

Hmm, I seem to have stumbled onto a theme for this post so let's go with one more "church" item.

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to Honor thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." 

I'll bet he has sisters.

I guess we've got room for one confession.

Shocking!

Okay, time your your weekly "aw".

This one may not get an immediate "aw" but take a second to enjoy her contemplation and see if you don't feel that "aw" coming on.

Did it work?

That's it for today. Did we get you there? 

Over the midweek hump and on the slippery slope to the weekend?

Excellent. My job is done.

(Did you have a favorite?)

Have a wonderful rest of your week and a fun filled weekend.

See you next Wednesday.

Really Bad Riddle for Today:

Q: What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards?
A: A receding hare line.

(I'm sorry.)

Happy Hump Day - I've Been Blitzed!!!

Happy Hump Day.

I'm scrambling  a bit this morning. I was behind doing today's post due do assorted grandchildren happenings and I discovered this morning that I was the lucky recipient of a BLOG BLITZ, 

 courtesy of blogger DL Hammons. Thank you, DL. You've made my day.

Well, except now I'm bouncing between getting this post done and answering all the lovely blitzers who are leaving comments on last week's post.  A rather nice dilemma, wouldn't you say?

So, let's get on to some hump day funnies.

This one just cracked me up. No excuse.

Do you like "just the right moment, just the right angle" pictures. Here are a couple that caught my eye.

I had to look at this one twice.

This one needs some blood spatter but I feel a mystery story coming on.

I hope this is just the camera angle, but you hear stories...

You know, it's been a while since I gave you a real groaner. In celebration of my getting blitzed, I offer this one:

Smitty was a heating and cooling technician. His assistant was a small chimpanzee he had trained to do all the duct work. The chimp had no fear of heights or confined spaces, and worked for bananas.

One day, Smitty got a call from a customer who said his air conditioner had broken down. Smitty went over and discovered a problem in an air duct. The customer asked if it would be hard to repair.

"No problem," replied Smitty, "I can fix it in no time with a little duct ape." 

I know. I'm sorry.

Or maybe you prefer the one liners...

 The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen  a mall.

His will was a dead giveaway.

Okay, I'm done. I promise.

Let move on your your weekly "aw".

Do you like this one?

Some moms might not allow this but I say love is love.

That's it. Are we there yet? Over the hump and heading for the weekend?

I hope so.  Did you have a favorite?

For all my Christian friends, I wish you a joyous and blessed Easter.

Quote for Today:

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.  ~Marcel Proust    (Thanks again, DL.)

 

Hump Day Headlines...and More

Happy Hump Day 

I'm back. Did you miss me? Notice I was gone?

I had an interesting and rewarding time serving with our church's disaster recovery team in Union Beach, New Jersey, but I was blown away by the amount of devastation still waiting for recovery efforts a year and a half after superstorm Sandy. So many people are still without their homes or trying to live in partially repaired houses. Like many people, I'd thought the bulk of the damage had been repaired. The national media goes home and we assume the crisis is over. It isn't. Please give the people who were affected by Sandy your prayers and any support you can.

Now on to our hump day funnies.

Since I mentioned the media, how about some headlines?

Think about it a second.

Wow. They must have been desperate.

Um...duh.

But his head feels fine.

I guess that was a good day to be a nobody.

Here's a joke I heard the other day.

Man on phone to wife: "Honey, don't panic, but I got hit by a car at lunch. Paula brought me to the hospital. They've taken a bunch of X-rays and I've got three broken ribs and a compound fracture in my left leg. I've only got a minute to talk because they're taking me up for a CAT scan to check for bleeding inside my skull but I told them I had to call you."

Wife's response: "Who is Paula?"

This one just seems kinda timely:

Okay, time for your "aw". I defy anyone to look at this picture and not say it. 

Or at least feel it.

You know you did.

That's it for today. Are we there? Over the hump and on the downhill slide to the weekend? I hope so.

Did you have a favorite?

Have a great weekend and I'll see you here next Wednesday (if not at your place before then).

Question of the Day:

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?