Kids, Animals, and Idiots - Hump Day Funnies

Happy Hump Day 

Life is intruding today so I'm a little late but I wouldn't want to leave you without a few funnies to get you over the hump.

Food for thought.

 

I've still enjoying this batch of kid jokes I found last week.

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. 

Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

This one is also true of working in IT tech support.

Another kid funny. I hope you're enjoying these.

I identified with this one.

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" 

Mentally polishing my halo, I said, "No, how are we alike?'' 

"You're both old."

You've got to love this face.

Of course, I'd never forget your "aw".

Here it is.

 

The expression on the dog's face did me in.

That's it. Hope those did the trick and got you over the mid week (or whenever you see this) hump.

Did you have a favorite?

Any plans for this weekend?

Quote for Today:

Write without pay until someone offers to pay. ~ Mark Twain

A Very Happy Hump Day with Great News

Happy Hump Day

Since it is a very happy hump day, I'm going to lead with the good news:

My friend Scott, who many of you have been praying for the last two weeks, turned the corner a couple days ago and is beginning his road to recovery. It will be a long, slow one but he's going to get there. My deepest thanks to all of you who offered prayers and positive thoughts for someone you don't know.  Prayer is the greatest gift we can offer anyone, and the most powerful.

Now on to some funnies.

For all of us that have seen enough snow this year for three winters...

I'm sorry. I thought it was funny.

 From the mouths of babes we have...

A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." 

The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's very interesting. How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

And what were you thinking?

Staying with that snow theme...

 

That's not a picture of my Sophie but I know she's felt that way a few times lately.

 

To keep this post from being totally frivolous, something educational:

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a rolled up paper.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting Flies," he answered.

"Kill any?" she asked.

"Yep, three males and two females," he said proudly.

"Really? How can you tell them apart?"

"Easy. Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."


Okay, that was still frivolous. But here's a serious moment...

 Don't you love that face.

 Here's another bit of kid logic.

 

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. 

 

The small boy answered, "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." 

 

The teacher started to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the youngster confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

 Okay, that's enough nonsense for today. 

Let's get to the important stuff...your weekly "aw".

Not only are these two taking a nap while floating on the water, they're also holding hands (paws?). I think that's worth an "aw", don't you?

So, are we there yet? Over the hump and on the way to a glorious weekend? 

Good. Then my work here is done.

I'm getting this post up before bed on Tuesday because I'll be gone all day Wednesdays. This means I'll be a day late getting around to visit everyone, but when your grandson makes the varsity bowling team in his freshman year, and the team is traveling to an all-day District Tournament... you put on your Booster Button and you go.

Have a great weekend.

Thought for the Day:

We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

Hump Day Funnies and More

Happy Hump Day

Hi! How's your week going?  

Need a lift to get you over the hump and on the way to the weekend?

Never fear. I've got a few funnies that should do the trick.

I think we should call this picture "It's Only Fair".

 I love the P.S., don't you?

I bought a power cell recently. You know, an portable battery unit that you charge and take with you to charge other things off of when you don't have access to electricity.  It's a handy device but I'm guessing the manufacturer didn't spend a lot on the interpreter for the text on the box. These are the instructions and safety warnings (typed exactly as on the package):

FEATURES

With many kinds of charging interface accessories can provide the most convenient to you and your friends around.

MATTERS NEEDING ATTENTION

Do not move the power into the fire heating extrusion or unauthorized disassembly.

This product should be kept out of children.

PRODUCT SPECIALITY

This bank power is available for all kind of electronic products which need to charge with USB, such as iphone, ipad, ipod and PSP etc.

NOTICE

Do not beak, dismantle, into put the fire or place in hot and humid area

Keep away from children

Please turn off the power when not in use, in order to avoid continuous power depletion.

 

 I hope I never have to call their tech support.

This one just made me laugh.

I'm going to take a quick break from your hump day funnies to give a shout out to blog friend Liz Fichera. Liz recently revealed the cover and trailer for her book Played, which will be released in May. Take a moment to take a look.  

 

Best of luck with the release, Liz.

This one is in honor of my little Sophie.

It's been a long winter. Already.

What? You thought I forgot your "aw".  

Oh, ye of little faith. I've got a great one for you.

Who needs a blanket? 

Okay, that should do it. I hope you've over the hump and sliding toward a glorious weekend. 

I want to thank all of you who offered prayers for my friend who is seriously ill. Now I'm going to ask for more. He's been in critical condition in intensive care for the past week and has undergone two emergency surgeries. Please continue to pray for him and for his family. Thank you.

Quote of the Day:

Never miss a good chance to shut up. ~ Will Rogers.

 

Snowed In On Hump Day

Happy Hump Day

Oops. I was so busy watching the snow fall and keeping an eye on the closings list last night, I forgot the blogosphere doesn't have snow days.

It looks like everything else around here does. We got about five inches of snow topped by an inch of ice and even the Air Force Base where my hubby works is closed. What used to be a cause of celebration among the school kids is now greeted with groans. All the area schools have used up their allotted "snow days", so days missed now have to be made up.

Actually, having my husband home today will come in handy. Monday afternoon, I was heading to the basement to move a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer, and stepped off the stairs into several inches of cold water. The pipe issue has been resolved - the massive clean up of stuff that got wet remains.

But I digress. You're here for your hump day funnies.

Have you ever gotten this Windows error message?

 Um...okay.

 

How about some letters to Dear Abby?

 

Dear Abby, 

 I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby, 
I joined the Navy to see the world.  I've seen it.  Now how do I get out?

 

Dear Abby,
     I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

 

 

I know Abby prides herself on being able to spot a fake letter but I really hope these people were joking. 

 

 

 I love this one at so many levels.

 

In case you can't read it, the sign says:

The vet said I wouldn't live to see 3. Today, I turned 7, so I pooped on my vet's lawn.

PS - I'm wearing an octopus on my head because I can. That's why.

 

 

That would almost qualify as your weekly "aw" but I like this one better.

 

 

 Happiness is a Boxer sandwich.

 

Can't you just feel the love and contentment. 

 

Okay, time for me to get back to work on our soggy basement. 

I hope these funnies got you over the hump and heading for the weekend.

 

I'd like to add one serious note. A friend of mine is seriously ill and in need of prayers. Please take a moment and offer a prayer for him and for his family.  I'm not mentioning names to respect their privacy but God will know. Thank you.

 

Quote for Today: 

Story is to human beings what the pearl is to the oyster. ~ Joseph Gold

 

 

An After-Christmas Gift for Your Hump Day

Happy Hump Day

I mentioned last week that I was going to do something a little different this week. Before we get to your hump day funnies, I want to share a little something from my Christmas.

As far back as I can remember - and that goes pretty far back - we always had tinsel (or icicles) on our Christmas tree. It was the only decoration that we considered 'disposable'.  The last thing to go on and the first to come off, and be thrown away, before all the other ornaments were packed away for next year.

But a few years back, when it was time to decorate our tree, I discovered most stores had stopped selling tinsel. No one we talked to was quite sure why. Probably a health hazard of some kind, another one of those things I've used or done for most of my life that has now been deemed unsafe. So there would be no tinsel on our tree. There would be a lot more ornaments, though. That was the first Christmas after my dear mum-in-law had passed and we had brought her Christmas ornaments home to add to our own.

Not surprisingly, all of Mama's ornaments were very old and very well cared for. Most were still in their original boxes. But there was also something wrapped in several sheets of tissue paper. I carefully unfolded the paper and discovered...tinsel. About two boxes worth, I guessed, each strand carefully laid out and saved from previous years.

We used Mama's tinsel that year, and saved it for the next. I've since found a store that still sells tinsel and I bought several boxes but they remain unopened  For now I use Mama's, and I take the time to remove each strand after Christmas and return it to the tissue paper wrapping for next year. It reminds me of her, and it also reminds me of how easily we throw things away. We've become a disposable society. It's easier to discard what's old or broken or would take too much effort to save. Things, relationships, people. 

Mama knew it's important to save what we have. To care for, repair, and cherish. She left this knowledge for us, wrapped in tissue paper. to be opened and remembered every year. I thought it was a gift worth sharing with you.


And since it's hump day, here are a couple funnies for you.

Yeah, you knew he was gonna do it.

I read that no word in the English language rhymes with month , orange, silver, or purple.

You're trying to think of words that rhyme with these, aren't you?

Does anyone else find it odd that three of these words are colors? 

Here's an interesting sign.

Oops, you just did, didn't you?

That's okay, here's another one.

Okay, enough of this nonsense, let's get to this week's "aw".

Here's something a little different.

You liked the loving squirrels a couple weeks ago. How about a pair of loving owls?

Yes?

Okay, I hope you're over the mid week hump and good to go for the weekend. 

And just for my own curiousity - does anyone else still use tinsel on their Christmas tree?

 

 See you next week.

Quote for Today:

"Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense."    ~ Mark Twain 

Hump Day Groans and Giggles

Happy Hump Day

Hey, I'm doing better this week. I actually got my Hump Day post up before noon. Maybe there's hope for me getting back on schedule.  But I know you're waiting for your hump day funnies, so let's get right to it...

This just made me laugh.

Ready for a joke?

There was a house painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

One summer the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

He set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, buying the paint and yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint
from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:

"Oh God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.
.
.
.
(you're going to love this)
.
.
.
"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

Be honest now...did you see it coming?

Should I be repenting for telling that joke?

 

Here's something I can relate to.



Yup, there went that New Year's resolution.


This one didn't really get me until I looked at the cat's eyes.


 

Zombie kitties!!!!

 

 

How about a couple questions to ponder?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he naked or homeless?

Can you cry under water?

The "aw" in this picture may not jump right out at you but look at that dog's face.

 

 Can't you just hear the sigh of contentment?

 

 

Okay, are we there yet?  Over the hump? Coasting to the weekend?

 

Good, 'cause I'm out of groaners funnies for today.

 

Since we have five Wednesdays this month, I think I'll do something different for my post next week. I'm not sure what but I hope you'll come by and check it out.  Have a wonderful week.

 

Quote for today:

 

Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.  - Meg Chittenden

Hump Day Funnies - With Humps!

Happy Hump Day

And in honor of hump day, let's start with...

Once upon a time there was a very handsome male camel named Alfred with two huge camel humps.

He fell in love and married a beautiful female camel named Marie, who had one perfect camel hump.

As time progressed, they became the proud parents of a wonderful baby boy camel, born with no humps.

They thought long and hard on what to call their beautiful
little boy and finally decided on...

Humpfree!

I know, I know. I should be ashamed of myself.

 I know many of you can appreciate this right now. 

Here's a phone conversation you might enjoy.

 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'  

'It is.'

'This is the IRS. Can you help us?' 

'I can.'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

 'I do.'

 'Is he a member of your congregation?'

 'He is.' 

 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 

 'He will.'

This next one isn't really a hump day funny but I wanted to share it.

This is my grandson standing by our Christmas tree in 1999.

Here he is by this year's tree.

We still get the same size tree.

Sigh.

Don't worry, I didn't forget your "aw".

Last time I gave you a mouse. About about a loving pair of squirrels?

 Worked for me.

Okay, are we there? Over the hump and sliding toward the weekend?

Excellent. Hope your weekend is a great one. 

See you next Wednesday.

Question for Today:

  

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?